Pirates Of The Caribbean On Stranger Tides
While not nearly as confusing as the previous 2 films, On Stranger Tides suffers from a weak story, weak villains and an overall sense of aging. There are some delightful action sequences including the excellent mermaid scene, some very funny lines, and a refreshing lack of CGI for most of the run time, but they can't save the film from dragging along and padding things out with paper thin characters. 5/10
The Hangover 2
While it may be a copy-and-paste of the first film there is still plenty of fun to be had with the Wolf Pack. Unfortunately the film runs for far too long and becomes too predictable by the end and no amount of gross-out gags can raise it above the first film. In the end, it's a funny film but really doesn't have much of a reason to exist. 6/10
The Loved Ones
If you like your torture porn with plenty of tongue in cheek humour and very Australian sensibilities then look no further. I was laughing from start to finish when I wasn't cringing from the scenes of explicit violence. Finally, proof that we can make good movies, if only more people saw it. 9/10
Harry Potter The Deathly Hallows Part 1
Without a doubt the worst of the Harry Potter movies to date, and that's saying something. I can understand the need to darken the tone in the later films but this is just downright boring and depressing stuff, literally nothing happens for 90% of the film and while people will say it's character development, I don't feel like anyone grew at all. It all reeks of a desperate cash grab as the filmmakers run out of books to turn into films. This should have been one movie, not two. 2/10
Deliverance
If there was one movie to make you fear leaving the city, this is it. While I was expecting more of a thriller, I was surprised to get a movie about how 4 friends deal with an event that they never expected to happen and make sure no-one finds out about it. The canoe scenes are impressively dangerous, while the rest of the film is tense and frightening, highly recommended if you haven't seen it already. 8/10
Megamind
As far as non Pixar animated films go, this one fares okay but it's still nothing special. While I appreciate the different take on super hero stories, and there are some very funny scenes, it's a bit all over the place and predictable. The end result is a nice movie with a unique twist, but still content with being average instead of something great. 6/10
Turistas
This one is so by-the-book it hurts my brain just to think about it again. Falsely marketed as a torture porn movie it spends most of its run time showing off beautiful locations and annoying characters running around ignoring the most basic of logic that you just want them to get carved up. Even when that happens, it's so brief you feel ripped off, realizing it's nothing more than a tame thriller with no thrills. Forget it. 1/10
The Sorcerers Apprentice
Surprisingly dull for the most part, while Nicholas Cage has a few brief funny moments the rest of the cast just doesn't work. Jay Baruchel is annoying as hell and Alfred Molina is wasted as the dull and totally not threatening villain, the only actor who does anything interesting is Toby Kebell as a stage magician with real powers. There are a handful of fun scenes but they are sandwiched between a forced love story, it all leads to a let down of a climax. It's okay by popcorn flick standards but it should have been better. 5/10
Mum & Dad
This one is a real oddity, a film about a family who kidnaps young people and tries to integrate them into the family, by beating the ever living crap out of them and treating them like slaves until Stockholm Syndrome kicks in. It strives to be a cult classic but there's just not enough here to fill an entire movie. Like The Human Centipede before it, the idea sounds creepy and messed up, but it doesn't translate so well to the screen. It's still good for a bit of a mindf**k but don't expect a horror classic. 5/10
Red
What looked like a glorious action film aimed at fans of the aging actors turns out to be little more than a very average action film starring a bunch of old guys who bicker a lot. Still the bickering is funny and the action is wildly over the top so there is still some entertainment hidden in here,. It's just a pity that the film spends so much time introducing characters and not giving them much to do. 6/10
Turtles Forever
A gloriously stupid mashup of the old Ninja Turtles cartoon and it's more recent reboot, turtles Forever wastes no time and jumps straight into the action. While much is lost on fans of the old series (I have no idea who any of the new characters are and there are no explanations offered) it still does a good job filling that turtle shaped hole in my heart. The many jokes at the expense of the old cartoon are clever and highly amusing while the action is big and explosive. It still feels like 3 episodes stitched together and not really a movie, but that doesn't take away from the pure joy of seeing the fab four back on screen. 7/10
I Love You Phillip Morris
In what could be his greatest performance to date Jim Carrey plays a straight cop turned gay conman who ends up in prison and falls for the titular inmate. Partially based on a true story, the film takes a very balanced approach to the material, aiming for acceptance while still throwing in the odd dick sucking joke. The story is wonderfully surreal and the acting is top notch across the board. It deftly blends comedy and drama and, in the end, sticks in your mind as a bizarre character story about a man who shows his love for the people around him in the worst ways possible. 9/10
While not nearly as confusing as the previous 2 films, On Stranger Tides suffers from a weak story, weak villains and an overall sense of aging. There are some delightful action sequences including the excellent mermaid scene, some very funny lines, and a refreshing lack of CGI for most of the run time, but they can't save the film from dragging along and padding things out with paper thin characters. 5/10
The Hangover 2
While it may be a copy-and-paste of the first film there is still plenty of fun to be had with the Wolf Pack. Unfortunately the film runs for far too long and becomes too predictable by the end and no amount of gross-out gags can raise it above the first film. In the end, it's a funny film but really doesn't have much of a reason to exist. 6/10
The Loved Ones
If you like your torture porn with plenty of tongue in cheek humour and very Australian sensibilities then look no further. I was laughing from start to finish when I wasn't cringing from the scenes of explicit violence. Finally, proof that we can make good movies, if only more people saw it. 9/10
Harry Potter The Deathly Hallows Part 1
Without a doubt the worst of the Harry Potter movies to date, and that's saying something. I can understand the need to darken the tone in the later films but this is just downright boring and depressing stuff, literally nothing happens for 90% of the film and while people will say it's character development, I don't feel like anyone grew at all. It all reeks of a desperate cash grab as the filmmakers run out of books to turn into films. This should have been one movie, not two. 2/10
Deliverance
If there was one movie to make you fear leaving the city, this is it. While I was expecting more of a thriller, I was surprised to get a movie about how 4 friends deal with an event that they never expected to happen and make sure no-one finds out about it. The canoe scenes are impressively dangerous, while the rest of the film is tense and frightening, highly recommended if you haven't seen it already. 8/10
Megamind
As far as non Pixar animated films go, this one fares okay but it's still nothing special. While I appreciate the different take on super hero stories, and there are some very funny scenes, it's a bit all over the place and predictable. The end result is a nice movie with a unique twist, but still content with being average instead of something great. 6/10
Turistas
This one is so by-the-book it hurts my brain just to think about it again. Falsely marketed as a torture porn movie it spends most of its run time showing off beautiful locations and annoying characters running around ignoring the most basic of logic that you just want them to get carved up. Even when that happens, it's so brief you feel ripped off, realizing it's nothing more than a tame thriller with no thrills. Forget it. 1/10
The Sorcerers Apprentice
Surprisingly dull for the most part, while Nicholas Cage has a few brief funny moments the rest of the cast just doesn't work. Jay Baruchel is annoying as hell and Alfred Molina is wasted as the dull and totally not threatening villain, the only actor who does anything interesting is Toby Kebell as a stage magician with real powers. There are a handful of fun scenes but they are sandwiched between a forced love story, it all leads to a let down of a climax. It's okay by popcorn flick standards but it should have been better. 5/10
Mum & Dad
This one is a real oddity, a film about a family who kidnaps young people and tries to integrate them into the family, by beating the ever living crap out of them and treating them like slaves until Stockholm Syndrome kicks in. It strives to be a cult classic but there's just not enough here to fill an entire movie. Like The Human Centipede before it, the idea sounds creepy and messed up, but it doesn't translate so well to the screen. It's still good for a bit of a mindf**k but don't expect a horror classic. 5/10
Red
What looked like a glorious action film aimed at fans of the aging actors turns out to be little more than a very average action film starring a bunch of old guys who bicker a lot. Still the bickering is funny and the action is wildly over the top so there is still some entertainment hidden in here,. It's just a pity that the film spends so much time introducing characters and not giving them much to do. 6/10
Turtles Forever
A gloriously stupid mashup of the old Ninja Turtles cartoon and it's more recent reboot, turtles Forever wastes no time and jumps straight into the action. While much is lost on fans of the old series (I have no idea who any of the new characters are and there are no explanations offered) it still does a good job filling that turtle shaped hole in my heart. The many jokes at the expense of the old cartoon are clever and highly amusing while the action is big and explosive. It still feels like 3 episodes stitched together and not really a movie, but that doesn't take away from the pure joy of seeing the fab four back on screen. 7/10
I Love You Phillip Morris
In what could be his greatest performance to date Jim Carrey plays a straight cop turned gay conman who ends up in prison and falls for the titular inmate. Partially based on a true story, the film takes a very balanced approach to the material, aiming for acceptance while still throwing in the odd dick sucking joke. The story is wonderfully surreal and the acting is top notch across the board. It deftly blends comedy and drama and, in the end, sticks in your mind as a bizarre character story about a man who shows his love for the people around him in the worst ways possible. 9/10
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