Bevs Bollocks

Best TV Shows of 2011

2012-01-24T06:35:00.000-08:00

As I generally know what shows to avoid, I wont be making a worst list here. Unlike games or films, if you don't like a tv show, you can just stop after one or two episodes so it's hard to judge any show off such limited exposure.

5. My Little Pony Friendship is Magic

Say what you will about this "show for girls", it's so infectiously upbeat and cheerful that it's impossible not to enjoy. Unlike alot of recent childrens television, there no cinicism here, no references to what's cool or hip, just life lessons about friendship. Just like writer Lauren Fausts previous show Powerpuff Girls, there is something about Friendship is Magic that attracts an older crowd. For me, it's the fact that, while the show is based off a line of girls toys, it seems to distance itself from that fact and create an entirely new world seperate from the brand it's based off.

4. The Walking Dead

While the comic has it's faults, it's still an engaging series that seems content to offer no sign of an ending. This fact makes it perfect for a tv adaptation as opposed to film, and boy did it pay off. Building on the strengths of the comic and filtering out the weakness, this is a taut story that is more character development than zombie action. It works wonderfully and changes enough from the comic to make it surprising to newcomers and veteran readers.

3. Beavis & Butthead

The dynamic duo are back and funnier than ever. The film clip commentary may have been replaced with MTV's reality TV shows, but it's still the same old Beavis & Butthead. Honestly, it's like they never left, the humour is timeless and the social commentary in every episode and interim segment is as clever as ever. It's good to have you back guys.

2. Game of Thrones

Another newcomer, Game of Thrones is one of those shows that grabs you from the start but never tells you where it's going. The storyline is intruiging and the plots are so well written that you're always told just enough to understand the world but never quite sure what's going to spring up next. I cannot wait for season 2.

1. Breaking Bad

It should come as no suprise to anyone that Breaking Bad is number 1. Season after season this show proves it is the master of storytelling, suspence and character development. Every episode is a slow grind that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Your never know when a character will snap, and when they do, it's often something explosive and terrifying. With the show wrapping up in 2012, it's shaping up to be one of the greatest TV series ever made.

Best & Worst Movies of 2011

2012-01-24T06:23:00.000-08:00

Best

Let me start things off by saying 2011 was an extremely weak year for movies, one of the worst I can remember. There were no standout movies that I saw, which means that while I have named the following my top 5, I'm sure they will never feature in any other lists in future.

5. Paul

I was afraid this would be the movie that revealed that Simon Pegg and Nick Frost were nothing without Edgar Wright, I was pleasantly surprised. Not only is this movie utterly hilarious, but it's also quite touching, outside of the parts with alien dongs.

4. Tintin

While not as faithful to the source material as some would like, Tintin is a rollicking adventure that takes you back to classic 80s Speilberg. The pacing is tight, the action is exciting and the cast is spot on.

3. X-Men First Class

The surprises kept coming as many feared the X-Men franchise was doomed only to see new life breathed into it. Though the villains are pretty weak (Kevin Bacon excepted) the story of how Charles Xavier formed the X-Men is entertaining and humourous, something the last 2 films lacked.

2. Fast 5

How on Earth did a this make it into my top 5? Simple, while I've never been a fan of the series (the last film was atrocious), the film-makers realised they needed to change things up by making this a heist movie. Everyone seems to be having alot more fun this time around and it really makes the whole thing more enjoyable. Not to mention the fact that it has one of the greatest car chase climaxes I've ever seen.

1. Drive

This is NOT a car chase movie, this is a film about a secretive man who just wants to go about his life as a stunt driver/get-away driver. Equal parts quiet reflective character study and balls-out violence, Drive is a rare film that manages to make something special out of parts that really shouldn't work together. When done right though, you get something fantastic like this.

Worst Films

5. Pirates of the Carribean - On Stranger Tides

As if the last film wasn't enough, they just had to drag Johnny Depp out for another money maker. This is real by-the-numbers stuff. No-one looks like they're having fun, the audience most of all. The action is boring, the villain is weak and the whole thing just reeks of cash-in.

4. Bridesmaids

Billed as the Hangover for chicks, this R-rated comedy promises that chick flicks can be funny too. The problem is, it isn't. It's not because it's a chick flick, it's because there are no real jokes in the movie. It's boring from start to finish and at times I had trouble telling if it was a comedy or drama. Bridesmaids is an uneven mess that just doesn't work.

3. Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Part 2

How do you follow up the worst film in the series? Simple, make one even more boring and impossible to understand for anyone who didn't watch every movie the night before seeing this. The films are spread out over almost a decade, would a recap be too much to ask for? The climax of the film promises something epic and instead it comes down to a series of smaller climaxes that can't seem to decide when the film should end. An utterly dreadful conclusion to an uneven series.

2. Green Lantern

You know what, everyone knows this film sucks so I don't need to say much. Ryan Reynolds was miscast, the villain is a cloud of crap and the only interesting part (on the planet of Green Lanterns) is all but glossed over. Even if you're curious, don't waste your time.

1. Bad Teacher

And the god-awful film of the year award goes to this miserable excuse for a comedy. Cameron Diaz has proven herself as one of the most unlikable actresses of this generation, and while that should have worked here, it just makes the whole thing unbearable. It's not funny, it's not enjoyable, it's so painful to watch that I wouldn't wish it upon my enemies.

Best & Worst Games of 2011

2012-01-24T05:56:00.000-08:00

Best

5. Gears of War 3

The series came to an end in a fitting fashion, by cramming as much action in as possible and finally giving me good reason to play multiplayer.

4. Crysis 2

Few shooters give you the freedom to play however you like, but Crysis 2 has some of the most satisfying gameplay of the year as you stealth, punch, and blast your way through invading forces.

3. Driver Sanfrancisco

Driver has not been this fun since the second game and it's in no small part due to the shift mechanic that allows you to take over any car at any time. Let it be known that sometimes the silliest ideas can end up being the most fun.

2. Portal 2

Just like Valves first effort, Portal 2 oozes with charm, humour and cracking puzzles. Now with even more toys to play with and co-op mode, this is further proof that you don't need violence to make a good first person game.

1. Batman Arkham City

What's better than a Portal game? How about the sequel to the much loved Arkham Asylsum. I may be able to pick faults with the plot but when it comes to sheer fun and time well spent, there is no equal. I could not put this game down until I was 100% done, and even then I still found myself flying around the city beating up thugs, it's just that good.

Worst

5. Duke Nukem Forever

Though I only spent a few hours with this game, I could already sense that it was a massvie waste of time, not just mine, but everyone who was involved in creating it.

4. Fable 3

The fable series is no stranger to dissapointment but where I found much to like in number 2, I found almost nothing to like here. The whole design of the game is just lazy, removing many elements that made the other games fun and replacing them with broken gameplay and poorly written characters.

3. De Blob 2

Never has a platformer bored and infuriated me so much. The dated time limits and lives system from 20 years ago is still present and sucks all the fun out of the proceedings as you make a mad dash to each objective. Couple that with the fact that the levels are excrutiatingly long and repetitive and you have a game that is a chore to finish.

2. Battlefield 3 - Xbox 360 version

I miss the days of open battlefields, soaring across the sky in a fighter jet, or travelling along the ground in a tank trying to hold control points. Now we have one of the worst single player campaigns ever, and a multiplayer so trimmed down from it's PC counterpart that it takes away everything that makes Battlefield fun.

1. Child of Eden

This is the reason I packed my Kinect away. With a story mode that only lasts 2 hours, and still manages to be boring, Child of Eden is the exact reason why Kinect is a terrible peripheral. The controls are painfully unresponsive and the lack of options in how you play it makes every level feel exactly the same. Not to mention the fack that the music is awful and the visuals are ugly as hell. This feels like a downloadable game from top to bottom and should never have been sold for full retail price.

The Inbetweeners Movie - Film Review

2011-11-30T17:35:00.000-08:00

The Inbetweeners was one of the funniest tv series to come out of the UK in quite some time. Running for 3 seasons, the show told an all-too-familiar tale of 4 boys trying to make it through high school with little more than sex on the mind. Anyone who was once a 15 year old male can tell you that this show is painfully accurate and was sure to bring up painful memories for everyone, even the girls who had to suffer the advances of sweaty, sex-crazed boys.

It's a shame then that the film chooses to drop the school setting (although the actors are now pushing close to 30 so it was inevitable) and go for the oh-so tired cliche of sending the characters on a tropical holiday for their big screen outing. Reminiscent of Kevin & Perry Go Large, The Inbetweeners Movie sets about to give the boys one last hurrah before they inevitably go their separate ways as we all did after high school.

Over the course of the film the boys will hunt for "gash", get drunk, continue to be bullied, and try to impress women. Each having their own hurdles (Simon can't get over his ex, Will is socially awkward, Jay is a compulsive liar, and Neil is just... Neil) the boys will go through hell on their holiday before finally growing up a little. There are plenty of laughs to be had along the way but it all feels a little tame, even compared to the show. Movies based of tv shows like this usually use it as an excuse to go bigger and do things you can't do on tv, but I swear the series was more vulgar than this, a few dick shots aside.

The problem with the film is one that plagues many of this kind, it doesn't feel like a movie. It feels like a 2-parter from the series, and sadly the laughs seem a bit few and far between. There are some truly hilarious moments scattered throughout, but it was far too predictable, making some of the jokes suffer. The great thing about the series was it's ability to take an obvious cliche and make it play out as it would in real life, the movie continues this tradition but does so with nearly every joke making the unpredictable, predictable. The characters don't give in the mushy cliches until the end which makes those moments feel unearned as everyone is a massive twat throughout the movie, no woman in their right mind would stick with them.

There is still a great deal of fun to be had here, but don't go in expecting something better than the series. It's nice to spend another 2 hours with the boys, I just wish they'd used this opportunity to do something a bit more bold and daring.

6/10

November Game Reviews

2011-11-16T16:50:00.000-08:00

Battlefield 3

Let's get something out of the way right now, Battlefield 3 is NOT a console game. Everything that makes a Battlefield game good has been stripped away to leave nothing more than a poor mish-mash of every other current shooter. It may be a good game on PC but the Xbox 360 version is a very different game, the multiplayer mode has been shrunk considerably, meaning much less in the way of players, vehicles and map size.

The single player campaign is absolute garbage, with no open space, almost no vehicle control and a storyline made up of stolen elements from other games. Not only is it tedious and dull, it's also filled with cheap deaths and frustrating checkpoints.

To top it off, the levelling system in mtuliplayer is brutal and very stingy with the rewards, making it feel like a grind to get anything decent in the way of weapons. On the whole this title tarnishes the Battlefield name, taking a step back from the fun Bad Company games, to create something that feels like a cheap clone of the better shooter on the market. Avoid at all costs.

2/10

Uncharted 3

Many are hailing Uncharted 3 as the best game in the series, and indeed the best game on PS3 period. While it is a fine game, it's not quite as strong as number 2, and definitely not the best game on PS3. All the things that make the series fun are still here, the characters are lovable, the storyline is fun and the action set pieces are stellar. Some of the stages in this game will take your breath away, with the best graphics ever presented on a console game. Seriously, this thing is a work of art, the levels are beautifully designed and character animations are fluid and believable, with the best facial animation ever.

Where the game falls short is in the last couple of acts, where scenarios are lifted straight from the previous game. You'll engage in an attack on a convey, followed by the discovery of a hidden city containing some great power that the bad guys want. After the fantastic buildup it feels like a bit of a let down. The villains motives are barely explained, the whole last level feels identical to Uncharted 2's finale, and it just doesn't feel like a good enough answer to such a built-up mystery.

Don't let that discourage you though, the game is still good, featuring gorgeous locales, great characters and fun puzzles and action. It's a great game, just not the perfect game others would have you believe.

8/10

Batman Arkham City

If you loved Arkham Asylum were left wanting more, your prayers have been answered. Arkham City takes everything that made Asylum great, and makes it better. The hand-to-hand combat has been greatly improved, the gadgets are better, the city is MUCH bigger, and there's so much more content. The side missions alone could make up an entire game, with so much incentive to deviate from the story and chase Riddler trophies or rescue civilians.

The amount of content here is staggering, and will have you playing for weeks on end. The real meat here seems to be the city itself rather than the main story, as they give you a huge playground to just fly around and see what's in the next alleyway. In fact the story is probably the weakest element, with non-comic readers left in the dark about some of the twists, some character reveals just left me wondering if I was supposed to be shocked. The big reveal of Hugo Stranges plan isn't really anything special, and the secret behind Jokers is-he-or-isn't-he-sick storyline just left me scratching my head.

In the end it's an amazing game, that works more as a playground for Batman to explore than a linear story. It turns out to be a smart decision as Batman has so many interesting villains to thwart in the side-missions, and even flying around the city with no purpose is still fun. The Catwoman missions are a nice diversion but nowhere near as fun as Batman's. This is a must own for fans of Arkham Asylum, and in fact any action game fans. Comic book games have a new benchmark, and it's going to be very hard to beat.

9/10

October Film Reviews

2011-11-02T19:29:00.000-07:00

Drive

The rave reviews drew me to this film and even with all the hype I still had no idea what sort of movie it was going to be. Even now I'm struggling to classify it, as it seems to juggle multiple genres at the same time, and somehow it works. Aside from some deliberately slow pacing, there are moments where the film just takes your expectations and blasts them away in a shower of gore and profanity. Albert Brooks is a particular standout playing against type, while the rest of the cast underplays events. Only those looking for a racing film will be disappointed as Drive is more of a character study than a series of chases, but everyone else will be blown away.

9/10

Human Centipede - Full Sequence

Speaking of films that are hard to classify, I really have no idea what to make of this one. The is no plot to speak of, just a series of violent acts that lead up to one big long violent act. Tom Six seems to have no other intention here than to out do his first effort and give the complainers the gore filled mess that the first film wasn't. Filmed in glorious black and white, HC2 is as hilarious as it is disgusting. The acting is atrocious, the plot holes are plentiful and any sense of decency was thrown out the window before filming began. It simply defies a grade as there is really no way to measure it's worth. You're either up for it, or you're not.

Paul

With Edgar Wright no longer sheltering them, Nick Frost and Simon Pegg venture out into the wild with their first American project together. I was a little worried by the casting (Seth Rogan has a really annoying voice and Jason Bateman plays the same damn character in every film) but thankfully the film does just about everything right. The humour is adult and childish at the same time, the effects look top notch, and the chemistry between the actors is electric. You wont be disappointed with this road trip.

8/10

Green Lantern

After witnessing the films beatdown at the hands of critics everywhere I really wasn't expecting much from this one. I kind of hoped they were wrong, as Ryan Reynolds has a charming screen presence and the creation of this other world looked amazing. Little did I know that this world would receive barely any screen time and Reynolds was grossly miscast, delivering possibly the worst performance of his career as he blankly stares into space between forced gags. Unlike Paul, the cast in Green Lantern has no chemistry and the whole thing is a chore to sit through. The only good parts where set on the amazing world of Owa, a planet where Green lanterns from every alien race co-exist. it's just a pity that the film spends almost no time there, instead choosing to focus on Peter Sarsgards disgusting head and a flying cloud of yellow.

2/10

Thor

I want to love Thor, I really do but it suffers from a horrible cases of split personality disorder. When it's fun, it's damn fun, and you can tell the cast is having a great time. When it gets serious though, it really gets bogged down and feels like an entirely different movie. Chris Hemsworth and Natalie Portman get along like a house on fire, and the fish out of water story told on Earth is quite charming, but the shoehorned villain and lack of any real threat just make Thors journey feel a little less than urgent. As is the case with almost every superhero origin story, it's fun for a while until someone realises they need some sort of confrontation to wrap it up and just slap it on the tail end hoping it works.

6/10

Bridesmaids

What is said to be the chick flick version of the Hangover and other raunchy, guy-centric comedies turns out to be, well, a chick flick with a few fart jokes and swear words thrown in. The laughs are few and far between and not one of the characters is particularly likable. Even the attempts at throwing in the stock overweight comic relief only provide a handful of laughs before the whole thing drags itself to a drawn out, laughless conclusion. Comedies are supposed to be funny, that's kind of the point, and when they spend more time moping around you end up with a Judd-Apatow imitation, and that's not a good thing.

3/10

Horrible Bosses

This is the kind of plot that black comedy classics are made from, but unfortunately Horrible Bosses plays things a little too safe and ends up feeling like a stock Hollywood comedy with alot of wasted potential. The cast works well, the 3 main leads are very likable and the titular bosses are all bastards, but Kevin Spacey ends up derailing everything in the second half by hamming it up far too much and trying too hard to justify the heroes' actions. With a better director at the helm, and a desire to take the story in the darker direction it needed, this could have been a cult classic, but as it stands, it's just an average comedy with a kooky idea.

5/10

The Solo Movie-Going Experience

2011-10-05T02:12:00.000-07:00

Something finally dawned on me today, I can no longer watch movies on my own. I used to watch movies all the time but I rarely watch them anymore unless I have a completely free weekend and feel like catching up with some recent releases. It may be stemming from the old rule that says people who go to the cinema on their own are losers, but I think it's something else (I tried to tell myself that was a stupid rule but every time I go to the movies alone I kinda feel like a loner). This isn't just the cinema though, this is happening at home too. It took a bit of thinking and I worked out what it is.

As you get older, work and social obligations begin to rule your like, until the point where you just don't have that much time to yourself anymore and you feel like every spare second you have is precious. You have to fill that time with things that need to be done (housework, cooking, bathing) and what you have left (if you're me) should be spent on something productive otherwise you feel your time is wasted. Videogames can fill this space because they have an end goal and a vague sense of achievement tied with them.

Movies are a different story, there's a greater hit to miss ratio with movies lately and I've started feeling like I'm wasting time on such a gambit. I love movies, I just feel like I'm becoming too critical of them when I'm left sitting on the couch, alone, to ponder what I've just watched.

The movie going experience changes with a friend, all of a sudden there's potential for crowd interaction, you're not the only one wasting your time if it's a bad movie, and most importantly, there's the chance to discuss the film after you're done. On many occasions I've found that I enjoy the movie more when I have someone to talk about it with, someone to laugh or cringe with, or someone to help me lash out at it's absurdity. Of course this isn't always the case, and some movies are best seen alone, but it's still nice to be able to discuss it with someone at some point. It can help you notice things you may have missed, or give you an understanding of how it affects different people.

I'm not saying I will talk my way through every film but whereas I used to think it was pointless to see a movie with friends because you can't talk during it anyway, I've now turned completely around and prefer the social movie going experience. Seeing something with friends can help you choose a movie you may not have watched otherwise. It can make a great film better purely by sharing enjoyment with others, and it can make an unbearable movie a little more bearable by sharing in pure hatred with a friend. It's this shared emotion that changes the act of simply watching a movie, into something bonding, something more enjoyable, and the best movies can even feel like a life changing event. The same goes for videogames, I find the co-op experience much more rewarding because you're sharing the experience with another human being.

Now that I've worked it out I don't feel so bad about cutting back my film intake. I understand that it's not my love of film waning, it's my desire to share the experience with others growing. It may sound silly to some because they only see movies with friends anyway, but I'm talking about a movie a day (sometimes more) which is easier to do on your own than finding someone to join you every time. I may be watching less movies now, but having finally worked out why, I think I can start enjoying them more.

Or just get into arguments when my opinion differs from someone else's.

September Movie Roundup

2011-09-28T17:04:00.000-07:00

Tron Legacy

A surprisingly enjoyable sequel with enough ties with the first film to please die-hard fans, and enough special effects whizz-bag to please everybody else. The story is flimsy and CG Jeff Bridges is unconvincingly stiff, but the characters are likable and the action is really well done. It may be little more than a popcorn light show but it never fails to entertain.

8/10

Enchanted

Possibly the biggest surprise I've had recently, Enchanted is a fantastic musical comedy that turns all of Disney's tropes upside down and finds a breakout star in Amy Adams. Everything about this film oozes sweetness but it's all done with tongue firmly planted in cheek. The songs are charming and hilarious, the casting is spot-on, and besides a late-game plot device that I usually hate, it's very cleverly written. I can honestly say I haven't enjoyed a Disney this much in a very long time.

10/10

Speed Racer

Much like Tron, Speed Racer is all about the spectacle, but unlike Tron, Speed Racer just goes completely stupid with it. I can understand the need to try and make this feel like a cartoon but besides the thrilling car races, everything else is cringe inducingly goofy. The characters are annoying, the story is idiotic and the whole thing is way too long. If it weren't for the few entertaining racing scenes, it would be a complete mess.

4/10

13 Assassins

Where did this Takashi Miike come from? The director of such idiotic and gory films as Ichi the Killer, 13 Assassins displays an amazing sense of restraint. It's all about build up as the assassins gather to take down an evil lord, and aside from a few gory moments, most of the action is reserved for the end. Although it's a tad difficult to tell them apart due to nearly identical clothes and haircut, you grow attached to the assassins as they hatch a plan and put it to work. The movie works wonderfully until the climax which is so drawn out that it threatens to undo everything that came before it. Thankfully it's packed with enough action set-pieces to make it worthwhile and the whole film ends wonderfully.

8/10

The Losers

I wasn't expecting much from this one, and although it delivered some entertaining characters and a few decent action scenes, for the most part it's an average popcorn flick. The most alarming thing about the Losers is that it really feels like it came straight out of the 80's, and this is a good thing. It has a very light air to it that makes it an easy watch and something everybody can get something out of. It's pretty forgettable in the end, but works well enough while you're along for the ride.

6/10

Fast 5

Now this is more like it. The Fast and Furious movies went downhill really quickly after the first one and I thought they had finally run the series into the ground with the atrocious number 4. It seems like the director felt the same way and opted to change things up for a heist flick. Add to this the presence of Dwayne Johnson (he's finally stopped adding "The Rock" to his name) and some very welcome old faces and you've got the best film in the series to date. What few car chases there are, are exhilarating and the characters are having much more fun now that have nothing left to lose. With a new direction like this, I'm actually looking forward to more F & F.

8/10

Gears of War 3 - Game Review

2011-09-26T21:58:00.000-07:00

The day has finally come, Microsoft's biggest franchise (no-one cares about Halo anymore) finally draws to a close. In typical Epic style, the game is bigger, bloodier and more action packed than the previous 2 titles put together, but does this really make it a better game? Yes, yes it does. Gears of War 3 does right by gamers and answers nearly every nagging question you had with a surprising amount of detail and even more surprising than that is the fact that it makes sense and wraps things up neatly. All of this while introducing us to more characters, more locations and even more weapons to blast the locust (and a new enemy) with.

I wont give away any of the storyline details, but I will tell you that if you are a big fan of Epic's franchise, then you're in store for a heap of treats, and even a couple of heart wrenching moments among the massive, bloody battles. To it's credit, Gears of Wars strength has never been in its storytelling but here, an actual effort has been made to make you care about more than just the bloodshed. There are character arcs, some touching moments, and plenty of humour all wrapped up in well told story that manages to feel different than the other games, while still touching on some of the same points.

The biggest difference here is (much like Resistance 3) that the humans are now on the losing side of the war. Most of the characters are content with just getting by, but not our Hero Marcus Phoenix. After receiving word that his father may still be alive and has a way to stop the Locust once and for all, he risks everything to find him and end this fight. The landscape is more barren and destroyed than before, you spend less time in tunnels and more time trekking across open deserts and destroyed streets. It's less about beautiful architecture this time and more about a world that has fallen into ruin. Even the characters look like they've run out of clean clothing and are surviving off scraps.

All of this just makes you feel more for the characters though, as you all cling to the last remnants of a functioning society and do everything you can just to get a bit of fuel or some ammo. It's a stark contrast to the previous titles where vehicles and able bodied soldiers seemed to be in plentiful supply. It also helps to make you feel like there's more at stake now, nearly everything is lost and every man and woman counts. The weapons and combat remain largely unchanged since last time, with only a handful of new additions, but it still works great and doesn't feel stale, so why change anything?

What changes there are, are very welcome, such as 4-player co-op and the extremely fun beast mode, a reverse of horde mode from gears 2. The graphics have updated yet again, not as much as between the first 2 games, but there are definitely some moments where you'll be wondering how they managed to get so much out of the Xbox 360. The frame rate does suffer during cut scenes though, which can be distracting, and one character model in particular (you'll know when you see him) look so absurd it's laughable that it was left the way it is. The score is just awesome as usual, with some hauntingly beautiful music one moment, then heart pounding action orchestras kicking in for the action scenes. It's difficult to find any flaws in the presentation at all.

In fact, the game as a whole is so near-perfect that only one flaw really stands out. That flaw being the difficulty, which has been scaled back considerably since Gears 2. The fights, while still epic, feel a little bit to easy to win, and injuries that flat-out killed you last time, only hurt you a little bit this time. Couple this with 3 Ai team mates that can revive you constantly and it feels like there's little penalty for dying most of them time. Definitely start your first playthrough on hardcore if you've played a Gears game before. On the flipside of this, the next difficulty up is insanely hard, but only unlocked after completing the game. Here you can't be revived from any injury, making some sections nearly impossible, a happy medium would have been nice.

On top of the, the voice acting is a bit weak. While Marcus, Dom, Cole and Baird are all enjoyable in a cheesy kind of way, most of the new additions feel out of place. The character Jace is dull, and very poorly acted when compared to his more lively squad mates. Claudia Black voices Sam, a character that is exactly the same is pretty much every other character Black has ever played, and along with another character, her Australian accent sticks out like a sore thumb. Most of the other characters are voiced well, but sometimes it feels like if you don't fit it with the cheesy vibe of the game, you're going to stand out.

Overall Gears of War 3 is the crown jewel of the Xbox 360 catalogue, nearly everything that could have been improved from previous games has been, with the exception of poor frame rates in cut scenes, and a scaled back difficulty. The graphics are amazing, the gameplay is bigger and better than ever, there is so much variety in the levels that it feels like 3 games worth of content, and the hanging story threads are almost all wrapped up. If you're a fan, there's absolutely no question, you must own this game. If you haven't played a Gears game before, this is the reason to pick them all up.

9/10

Resistance 3 - Game Review

2011-09-26T20:42:00.000-07:00

Resistance 3 follows the age old tale of alien invasion that games have been doing since the days of Space Invaders, with the twist of being set after WW2, and the aliens transforming humans into them using a virus. The first 2 games in the series featured a more military slant, with hero Nathan Hale launching an all-out assault on the Chimera before becoming one himself and being bumped off at the end of Resistance 2.

Flash forward a few years and the Chimera have all but conquered Earth, with the few remaining pockets of survivors hiding out and trying to get by. Enter our new hero Joseph Capelli (the man who killed Nathan hale) and his family. Joe just wants to keep his wife and son safe and escape his hometown after the Chimera discover them, but after Dr Malikov (a returning character from the first 2 games) convinces him that they need to travel to New York to shut down the portal that the Chimera are traveling through, the two set off on a cross country trip. From here, Capelli and Malikov will takes boats, planes and trains to get to New York and stop the Chimera from wiping out the human race, and it's a rough ride.

Right from the get-go it's obvious that Resistance 3 is an entirely different beast. The mood is far more dreary and depressing, with most of the game bathing in a grimy brown light, and the general feeling of defeat that most of the characters feel. It has some light hearted moments but for the most part this is one of those games that depicts war (and its aftermath) as a terrible thing rather than glorifying it. The plot of the game is structured in such a way as to make you really feel like you're just trying to survive, not win a war.

The biggest change to the formula here is the switch from large boss battles to smaller, more intimate fights. There are very few large encounters here, instead you'll find yourself fending off waves of normal Chimeran soldiers and the more vicious Feral Chimera in small towns. It's not until the end of the game that this focus shifts to more familiar territory but there is a very nice twist about 3/4 of the way through that lets you know that the writers wanted to try something a bit different.

The gameplay still feels the same as it did in the first 2 games, although there is a shift towards a more old-school style of gunplay, including non-regenerating health and the ability to hold every gun at once. While the variety of guns on offer is nice, they tend to follow the same sci-fi shooter rules as every other fps on the market. That is, there's a handful of good guns that you'll be using for most of the game, and the rest of the space is taken up by inventive weaponry that you will almost never find ammo for unless the game wants you to use it. The weapon select screen is also a nightmare to use, with the touchy stick controls almost always resulting in choosing the wrong weapon and getting killed. For once I actually missed the 2 weapon limit.

While Resistance 3 is a nice departure from the gung-ho shooters of today, and by no means a bad game, it has a hell of a lot holding it back. Not the least of which is the emotional distance between the characters and audience. The facial animations are stiff, and the voice acting is pretty weak, making some moments feel stiff and boring when they should be tugging at your heart string. In fact the graphics on the whole seem to have taken a step back, with most textures looking flat and nearly every level looking the same as the last.

The biggest problem with Resistance 3 though, is its lack of originality. There's a niggling sense throughout the entire campaign that you've played many games just like it, and one game in particular has been ripped-off to such a degree that they might as well have called this a remake. About halfway through the game you must make your way through a dark town filled with feral Chimera, a scene that turns the game into more of a horror movie than sci-fi. Shortly after you must make your way through a prison, before traveling to a tower that you need to destroy to stop the... okay it's Half Life 2. The whole game feels exactly like Half Life 2, once this became apparent to me I just couldn't stop seeing the influences everywhere, it's quite painful at times.

This point aside however, Resistance 3 is still a good game. The story is well told, the last third of the game is more enjoyable, and the action is well paced. The decision to move from action packed set pieces to smaller street battles was the right one as I'm not sure they could have gone much bigger than they did in the second game. It's a pity that the whole thing is held back by a step back in graphics, a wonky weapon select and poor character animation. You'll still have fun blasting away the Chimera and trying to salvage what is left of Earth, but don't expect anything ground-breaking.

7/10

Infamous 2, and the problem with moral choice systems

2011-09-12T15:26:00.000-07:00

Let me get this out of the way first, Infamous 2 is a good game. It's almost a great game in fact, with well written characters and fun gameplay. It just has a very big problem that has been shoehorned into so many other games of late, to varying degrees of success, the moral choice system.

First let me give a quick review of the game. Infamous 2 picks up not long after the first game ended, with Cole McGrath having acquired super powers in the form of electricity shooting out of every orifice and saving Empire City from multiple threats. He was informed about an even greater threat coming his way, a creature known simply as "The Beast". After the Beast arrives, destroys Empire City and thoroughly kicks Coles' butt, he flees south to New Morais to find a way to boost his powers so that, when The Beast makes its way there, he'll be ready.

The gameplay that follows is pretty much identical to the first, just tightened up in a few key areas with some improved abilities thrown in. The storyline is a bit shorter, and even a bit more confusing in places but it's well written for the most part and ties up most of the loose ends nicely by the end. The real meat of Infamous 2 is in its character interactions, you really feel like these are living people with real friendships and rivalries, Coles and his portly buddy Zeke in particular. One mission will see you battling a skyscraper sized monster while the next will have Cole and Zeke sitting on the couch watching TV. It sounds odd but it works, and it makes you care about these people.

As always, I played through the game on the "good" side and enjoyed every last second of it, even though the ending was a bit sloppy and should have been far more emotional than it actually was. The problem came when I realised that I could play through the whole game again on the "evil" side and get an entirely different ending. After spending a few hours maiming innocent civilians and being a complete douche, I gave up. I wasn't having fun, the game was dictating to me what was good and evil and left NO room for any kind of middle-ground. I just flat out didn't agree with some of the choices the designers had labeled either saintly or pure evil, and because the game still has to push you through the same story, being evil makes no damn sense.

Very few games have managed to get the whole moral choice system right, the ones that do, do it in a way that you don't even notice like Red Dead Redemption. The worst examples, and Infamous 2 is one of them, only reward you for being on the farthest of either end of the spectrum. You can't settle for logical choices, you have to just look at the decisions the game throws at you and keep picking your chosen alignment otherwise you wont get any of the cool upgrades to help you beat the game.

In almost every game that has done this lately I've spotted more than one moral choice that I just flat out didn't agree with, where they'd labeled something evil, even though it made more sense in the long run. Why not let players choose a side without telling them if it's evil or not and let them work it out for themselves, it would be far more rewarding to be presented with a difficult choice and discover you made the right decision AFTER the mission.

Another aspect of this system that twists my nut sack is the fact that, in real life, people make the wrong choices because they're usually easier and let you skip hard work. Why spend hours trying to save innocent people who get in your way, when you can plow through them and get your mission over with quickly? Most games just don't seem to get this, and in some cases the evil missions are harder, so WHY would you do it? Evil missions should be tempting you to the dark side, with promises of easy reward and getting where you need to be by trampling on the less fortunate. When you make the evil missions just as hard as the good ones, there's not really any temptation, leaving you to base your choices solely on which ending you'd like to see.

Where Infamous 2, and many other games, stumble the most is in the integration of this moral choice system with the actual story. The story has to progress regardless of what choices you've made. So instead of having branching paths, they give the illusion of this, while still following the exact same story, except for the ending itself. In the worst cases this is done by having your choices make no impact on the story whatsoever until the final mission, which is the ONLY part of the game that dictates the ending. I know not all games do this but I've seen it done enough times to be sick of it.

For the sake of fairness I will point out some good examples of moral choices. Though the games themselves may have still pushed good and evil options on you, I found the endings of both GTA4 and Fable 2 to have the toughest choices, because they related to characters you cared about and not just faceless innocents. GTA4 still suffered from the end-of-game-choice-that-trumps-all-others, but the choice had far more impact for me because neither was really good or evil, it all depended on what YOU felt was right, and it affected the lives of characters you cared for. The same goes for Fable 2, which offered you the option of bringing thousands of innocent people back to life, or bringing your family and dog back. Having spent the entire game with the dog you become quite attached, making the decision extremely painful because again, neither is good or evil, it's about what matters more to you.

Infamous 2 is far from a bad game, I may not have enjoyed it as much as the first game due to the worst example of a moral choice system I've seen so far, but the characters are more well-written this time, and the gameplay is more fun. It's a must own for the PS3, if you can ignore the devil and angel sitting on your shoulder the whole time.

8/10

August Game Reviews

2011-09-04T20:29:00.000-07:00

Darksiders

Never has a game plagiarised so much from other sources, but it all somehow fits together well for a fun, if overlong experience. The story is nonsensical but the combat makes up for it with some fun weapons, well designed stages and epic boss battles. Though it may be a bit of a mangled zelda clone, it's still a good game bogged down by a few flaws.

8/10

Child of Eden

If this is the reason to own the Kinect, I'm tossing mine out the window. This visual extravaganza is simply a rail shooter dressed up to look incredible. Except that it doesn't. The music all sounds the same, the visuals are an eye strain and the Kinect controls are frustrating. I went in expecting a sensory experience and came away with a headache. The real kick in the pants is that it's a full priced retail title, with only 2 hours of gameplay, even for me that's just a bad deal.

2/10

Battlefield Bad Company

The large open battles of previous BF titles combine with an over-the-top story the cheesy humour to make for an uneven, but still somewhat fun experience. Bad Company (4 soldiers representing different stereotypes) are on the hunt for a truckload of gold through enemy territory and will blow up everything in their path to get to it. The large levels can feel a bit empty at times and being without a vehicle is frustrating as hell but when this game gets it right, it's a rollicking good time. It's just a pity it doesn't get things right as often as it gets things wrong.

6/10

Battlefield Bad Company 2

Opting for a more linear approach than the previous title, Bad Company 2 plays more like every other shooter on the market, and is better for it. The destructive aspect is still present and feels more chaotic due to the tighter level design, making things much more enjoyable. It's still silly as hell but it's more fun now thanks to a more streamlined approach to gameplay.

7/10

Medal of Honour

What I feared would be another Modern Warfare clone turned out to be surprisingly enjoyable and feels like something unique. This is mostly thanks to a more realistic approach to gameplay and story that sees you caught up in a more believable fight, ending with a rescue of fellow soldiers rather than saving the world. The gunfights feel hectic and real, while the vehicle sections provide some satisfying destruction. It all comes together in a tight package that doesn't outstay its welcome.

8/10

Kane & Lynch 2 - Dog Days

Very few games can boast that they feature sections where you run through shanghai naked, covered in blood, gunning down police officers. Kane and Lynch 2 can boast such a thing as well as many other ludicrous scenarios such as storming sweatshops, stealing commercial airliners and destroying buildings with a helicopter. It's all in a days work for 2 of gamings' more deplorable characters who somehow got a sequel they never really deserved. Label this under guilty pleasure, but I loved every minute of it.

8/10

Alan Wake

Alan Wake is less of a homage to horror stories as it is to mid-90's sci-fi tv. Though it may make numerous references to writers (to the point of being annoying) the game owes far more to the likes of Twin-Peaks, The X-Files, and The Outer Limits. It's this degree of homage that lends the game some character and makes it entertaining, far more than it should be given it's clunky narration and one-note combat. The scares are genuine in parts, but mostly early on, as you know what to expect after a while. It doesn't stop you biting your nails though as ammo is scarce and your enemies are much faster that you, making for some truly frightening moments that you rarely see in games.

8/10

Transformers War For Cybertron

Giant robots blasting the crap out of everything for some evil Mcguffin, that's about the extent of War for Cybertrons plot, but really, that's all some people want. All the cheesiness from the show is present, the banter between characters and oversized boss battles provide a fun distraction from the dreary visuals. Transforming is a relatively small aspect of the game and only really felt necessary during the flying stages, which there are sadly only 2 of. If it weren't for the utterly hideous design (the levels are all made up of metallic parts, making it difficult to tell scenery and enemy apart) this could have been a real gem for transformers fans. As it stands, it's just a good game, which is more than most licensed titles can boast.

7/10

Red Dead Redemption - Undead Nightmare

It seems like every game is shoehorning zombies in nowadays, even Red Dead Redemption is not immune, and while it may not be a bad expansion it still doesn't feel necessary. What shocked me at first is just how much content there is here, well over 8 hours, which is enough for a retail title. The story is fun enough and it's good to see some old faces back again but it kinda made me wish there was even more. Some missions are so short the characters in them feel underutilised, whereas others have you hunting for flowers for what seems like an eternity. In a game like Red Dead where I was used to spending hours with one character it just feels a bit odd to have my time cut so short now, and wasted on flower picking and clearing out the same graveyard 10 times. It's still better than nothing and probably the best value you'll ever get from a downloadable expansion pack, but it felt like a tease at times, and a stretch at others.

7/10

Braid

What is all the fuss about? Something about this game just reeks of wankiness. The puzzles are clever for the most part and the time manipulation is unique and well thought out, but it's just surrounded with so much wank. There's no other way I can put it, I don't know what is it but the text sections just make the whole affair sound like some sad nerds attempt to turn heartbreak into an indie wonder. Outside of that though the levels can be fun but some of the puzzles are so obtuse that when someone finally tells you the answer you don't say "ohhh THAT's how you do it", you say "how the F**K was I supposed to know that!?"

6/10

Short Games

2011-08-29T00:45:00.000-07:00

The question has come into every gamers mind at some point while mulling over whether or not to purchase the latest title, is it long enough? For a while there seemed to be some benchmark for FPS games where 10-15 hours was seen as a good length and anything under that was not worth full price. Obviously price plays a huge factor as downloadable games (costing about $10) can be forgiven for being on the short side whereas a full priced retail title must meet a list of demands if it is to justify that hefty $90 price tag. Does it have multiplayer? How long is the single player campaign? Will I want to play it again?

This question came to my mind as I was playing through Vanquish for the second time. Though it was hyped considerably before its release, Vanquish failed to sell as well as Sega would have liked and even with the cliffhanger ending it seems that a sequel is not on the way. The biggest complaints I've heard from people who haven't played this game are that the single player campaign is too short and there's no multiplayer.

Both of these are true, there's no multiplayer and the single player campaign can be beaten in less than 8 hours. But what most people fail to realise is that there is more fun to be had in these 8 hours than some games that stretch out to 40. I no longer care for how long a game is, the main thing I care about is, does the playing time fit the style of game. Open world games can go on for 50+ hours but most of them never feel like they're dragging because they have enough content to pack in. Likewise, some FPS games can cram everything into 6 hours and cut out all the fat, leaving you with an incredible experience that doesn't outstay its welcome.

I've played some games that drag on for far too long and just pad the whole affair with filler to stretch the time out as far as they can. What's the point? These games would have left a far greater lasting impression if they had cut the filler, halved the time and given me a more action packed experience without losing a thing. Obviously some games like a bit of downtime between the action scenes and that's fine, what I'm talking about is mowing down wave after wave of the same enemies with no trouble at all, then looking at your watch and wondering how much longer you'll have to put up with this repetition.

One offender is Darksiders, a fun (albeit filled with plagiarism) game that could have been even better had it been alot shorter. It runs out of tricks pretty quickly and every time it throws a new toy at you, you must grind it until there's no more fun to be gotten out of it. Darksiders isn't a bad game, but it didn't need to be 25 hours long. Had the game been shorter I probably would have come away with fonder memories, but as it stands it's a fun game that I don't want to play through again because of how long it is.

Red Dead Redemption on the otherhand gave me a good 40 hours of enjoyment and I loved every minute of it. Why? Because the run-time suits the mood that the game is trying to convey. Everything in the old west would've been alot slower, riding from place to place, killing wild animals, doing tasks for strangers, it all fits in with the setting and story and immerses you. Had it been shorter I probably would've come away wanting more but as it stands it's the perfect length.

The worst offenders of late have been Child of Eden and Beautiful Katarmari, 2 games that ask full price, yet provide only about 3 hours of content each. Both games were interesting and fun at times, but for retail titles they sure don't pack enough content. They could've easily been downloadable titles as Eden feels more like a tech demo, and Katamari might as well have been a Nintendo 64 game. Don't get me wrong, both games have style and imagination but they simply didn't make me want to go back and spend anymore time on them.

Being 28 years old, and having a full time job, might influence this opinion a bit. I just don't have as much time to game as I used to so I tend to shy away from longer games unless they have a good reason to be that length. I too was one of those people that shunned games under 10 hours until I realised it didn't really matter. If a game is engrossing, I'm happy to spend weeks playing it, but I've just as good experiences playing short games as well.

It's a matter of personal taste and others might feel differently about the whole issue but when it comes down to it, a game is only as long as it needs to be. If you can entertain and delight in 6 hours, that's not a bad thing. If you need 40+ to tell your story, that's fine too. Just don't take 6 hours of content and stretch it to 40, you're only ruining what might have been a wonderful game.

De Blob 2 - Game Review

2011-07-12T22:54:00.000-07:00

While I would love to support an Australian developer like Blue Tongue, we really make the worst games. Our gaming industry has very little money and it shows, but the real problem here seems to be that the creators haven't noticed any advances in gaming over the last 20 years. De Blob 2 sees you take on the role of the titular character, a blob who can cover himself in paint and colour the bleached world, bringing happiness to an oppressed society. This sounds like a unique idea and in small doses is quite enjoyable but the gae drags it out to an excruciating lengths and limits your action in such a way as to suck all of the fun out of the game.

You start out painting buildings to free citizens and squish bad guys, and do the same thing for the next 12 hours. Only in the last 2 levels do things change up and offer boss fights, aside from that, you're doing the same thing in every level and almost every single one feels the same. On top of that the graphics are an eyesore, everything is bland when the world is uncoloured, and hideously hyper coloured when you've painted everything. The worst problem is the timer, what is this, 1985? You are constantly on the clock, you can pick up extra time but each level can take around an hour and if you run out of time, you have to start again.

Adding to the stress associated with completing these levels within a given time is the fact that once you complete a level you have the option to backtrack and complete any side missions or collect any pick-ups you may have missed, but if you leave, it all resets. This means that if you want to collect everything in the game, you have to do it all at once while completing a level. This can stretch each level out to almost 2 hours, it's just not worth it. There is some fun to be had with De Blob 2, but it just drags and drags and drags until it's a chore to play.

3/10

Kane & Lynch Dead Men - Game Review

2011-07-12T22:53:00.000-07:00

I came into this one with a sense of dread, we've all heard bad things about this game, broken cover mechanics, abhorrent characters and bland graphics. I can tell you this right now, it's all true, but the game is still fun despite these issues. Kane & Lynch are two of the most despicable characters ever put into a game, and the game makes no attempt to redeem them at all but they're never annoying enough to hate. Even when the number of partners swells to 6 its still fairly easy to keep track of them all. The game is nice and short, clocking in at around 6 hours, and spans the whole globe so you're never really stuck in one place long enough to get bored.

The game will test your patience though, the difficulty is sporadic, the cover system is atrocious and the controls are annoying as hell. Some levels you will breeze through while others will have you stuck on one section for well over an hour because you are overwhelmed with enemies. Two levels in particular featured areas where enemies will flank you from every side and murder all of your men which results in instant failure. In the end I learned that you have to run to an invisible spawn trigger, wait for enemies to appear, run to your safe spot, kill them, trigger another wave of enemies slightly further ahead, rinse and repeat. This style of gameplay, waiting for enemies, backing up, killing them then doing it again until they're all gone, slows the game down to a snails pace and only aggravates you if you die before one of the very spaced out checkpoints.

The cover system simply doesn't work. You can hide all you like, you'll still get shot and you will die alot. If the tiniest bit of you is sticking out above a wall you will get hit there, and there's very few places where you can completely cover yourself AND be able to shoot enemies. On top of that, the unusual command system really messes you up on more than one occasion. On Xbox 360, the X, Y, and B buttons send commands to your team. While your instinct will tell you X is to reload, it calls your team mates to you. I messed this up alot, this is one of the few games I've seen where you use clips for your guns but they reload automatically if you stop shooting. The controls are just incredibly unintuitive and never feel natural. Despite all these gripes the game is still decent and never really outstays its welcome. I picked it up for 8 bucks and for a cheapy, it doesn't disappoint.

6/10

Mirrors Edge - Game Review

2011-07-12T18:31:00.000-07:00

Even with all of the problems this game has, it still has one major plus, there is no other game like it. Mirrors Edge has you free running through each level, across rooftops and through buildings, in your quest to uncover a conspiracy and rescue your sister. Honestly the story is pretty standard sci-fi fare, an underground movement doesn't like how the government is controlling everyones lives and sneaks around trying to change things, the real meat of the game is in the action. There is very little shooting to be done, your best option in a firefight is to run away and this is the games strongest point. You can run, jump, slide, kick, propel yourself off walls and pretty much do use the environment to your advantage as the police chase you around. The graphics are stunning, the entire world is bleached white with important areas coloured red. Sometimes you just have to stop and look out over the city.

The main problem with the game is how utterly unforgiving it is. Don't expect any assistance as you jump from roof top to roof top. If you don't control every aspect of your movement, you're dead. Couple this with the fact that this is a first person running game that emphasises smooth free running and you've got a bit of a road block. Sometimes you'll find yourself running in circle or simple staring at a wall trying to figure out how the hell to get up it. This really breaks up the action and feels incredibly slow when compared to how fast paced it feels when you really get going. It reminds me a bit of Assassins Creed in that there's a great idea here, backed up by some fun gameplay but there's still a lot of issues to iron out before it all runs smoothly.

6/10

Red Dead Redemption - Game Review

2011-07-12T17:44:00.000-07:00

Rockstar's Dead Dead Redemption bears some striking similarities to their other similarly praised title GTA4. The game employs an open world map that lets you choose the order in which you perform jobs and tasks for a cast of interesting and offbeat characters, while at the same time allowing you the freedom to just ride around shooting people and exploring the environment. The similarities end there though as Red Dead feels much more alive and teeming with personality despite the fact that there are only a handful of people per town and you'll spend a great deal of time simply galloping across the desert.

All of this is what put me off at first, I made the unfair assumption that because the world was more empty and going from a car in GTA4 to horse in Red Dead would make the game slow and boring. I couldn't be more wrong. Read Dead's world is teeming with personality and gorgeous landscapes that invite you to waste away hours just exploring deserts, towns and forests. The storyline is simple but the characters really drive it along and make you care about the outcome. The few moral choices there are feel like actual choices and not just a way to get a better ending. I came away from the experience exhausted and a little sad that it was all over because the ending is so amazing that, even after playing for 30 hours, I was a little shocked that I was finished. I simply wanted to keep playing long after the credits rolled.

The action is fantastic, with a fine selection of weaponry that all seems to get a work out, rather than focusing on one gun. You'll be taking strongholds, chasing badits, collecting bounties, breaking in horses, jumping onto moving trains, and that's just a fraction of the mission variety on offer. The amount of gameplay here is astonishing and puts every other game, Western or not, to shame. Don't let the time period put you off, there is so much to do here and it never feels like its dragging its heels or padding things out.

Red Dead is not just the best Western game ever made, it's one of the best games ever made, period. I've never felt such a level of immersion or enjoyment in a game, especially one I had no interest in at first. The few bugs that sandbox games are prone to are forgivable because of everything else the game has to offer. The graphics, gameplay and soundtrack are all incredible, coming together to make one of the best games of all time. Every gamer should have this in their collection.

10/10

Game Reviews May

2011-06-14T20:38:00.000-07:00

Portal 2

Every bit as entertaining and funny as the first game, Portal 2 expands on everything that made Portal so great and makes every effort to feel like a true sequel and not just a cash in. There's more than just Portals at work here as you try and fight your way out of Aperture Science again, you'll get to interact with other characters, delve deeper into the facilities back story and play with new toys like the propulsion gel. If you liked the first game you'll love this one, aside from one or two puzzle-less sequences that drag a little, the rest of the game moves at a cracking pace and throws something new in just when things start feeling old. 9/10

Stranglehold

This is as basic as things get, John Woo takes his famous slow motion gunplay scenes from his films and makes an entire game out of them. The cut scenes handle all the exposition (which I still can't understand) while the gameplay is non stop action. It gets old pretty quickly as levels repeat the same dive-and-shoot mechanics over and over and over again, but it has a kind of clunky old school charm about it that makes you enjoy the carnage. 6/10

Left 4 Dead

Work together or die, those words perfectly sum up the play style of Valves Left 4 Dead games. What starts as another zombie game quickly becomes an exercise in team work as you discover you must rely on your friends selflessness to pull you out of every hairy situation that arises. It makes for a nerve wracking experience unlike any other and features so much replay value thanks to the ever changing zombie spawning that you'll want to play it every time you have 3 friends in the same room. 8/10

Left 4 Dead 2

It gets better though, everything that made the first game great has been made even better and then expanded on. The levels are much better, there are more special infected, more intense scenarios and the addition of melee combat which ads a more brutal feeling to the game. Due to the heightened violence the game was heavily censored in Australia, don't even think about buying a local version, import it if you can. The violence is what makes the atmosphere work, without it, it's kind of boring. 9/10

Splinter Cell Conviction

Forget the sneaking around and disposing of dead bodies that made up most of the previous Splinter Cell titles, this time Sam Fisher is his own man and doesn't mind making a mess. If you're okay with this fact you'll have a blast with Conviction. There is still plenty of sneaking to do but when you blow your cover you can simply try to take out everyone in sight, and blowing up half a building isn't really frowned upon. The story mode may be a tad short but there's a fantastic co-op story tacked on and plenty of other challenges to keep you coming back. 8/10

Mortal Kombat

Another title that didn't make the Australian Censorship Board very happy, Mortal Kombat (the series reboot covering the first 3 games) sets out to not only bring back the gore that made the series so famous but actually become a decent fighting game. While the gore is certainly front and center of the experience, I was surprised to find a competent and highly enjoyable fighter at its core. Don't be put off by this games childishly violent exterior, there's a deep and rewarding fighter hiding in here and it makes this quite possibly the greatest MK game to date. And yes, the bosses are still insanely cheap and frustrating but hey, that's Mortal Kombat. 9/10

May Movie Reviews

2011-06-14T16:33:00.000-07:00

Pirates Of The Caribbean On Stranger Tides

While not nearly as confusing as the previous 2 films, On Stranger Tides suffers from a weak story, weak villains and an overall sense of aging. There are some delightful action sequences including the excellent mermaid scene, some very funny lines, and a refreshing lack of CGI for most of the run time, but they can't save the film from dragging along and padding things out with paper thin characters. 5/10

The Hangover 2

While it may be a copy-and-paste of the first film there is still plenty of fun to be had with the Wolf Pack. Unfortunately the film runs for far too long and becomes too predictable by the end and no amount of gross-out gags can raise it above the first film. In the end, it's a funny film but really doesn't have much of a reason to exist. 6/10

The Loved Ones

If you like your torture porn with plenty of tongue in cheek humour and very Australian sensibilities then look no further. I was laughing from start to finish when I wasn't cringing from the scenes of explicit violence. Finally, proof that we can make good movies, if only more people saw it. 9/10

Harry Potter The Deathly Hallows Part 1

Without a doubt the worst of the Harry Potter movies to date, and that's saying something. I can understand the need to darken the tone in the later films but this is just downright boring and depressing stuff, literally nothing happens for 90% of the film and while people will say it's character development, I don't feel like anyone grew at all. It all reeks of a desperate cash grab as the filmmakers run out of books to turn into films. This should have been one movie, not two. 2/10

Deliverance

If there was one movie to make you fear leaving the city, this is it. While I was expecting more of a thriller, I was surprised to get a movie about how 4 friends deal with an event that they never expected to happen and make sure no-one finds out about it. The canoe scenes are impressively dangerous, while the rest of the film is tense and frightening, highly recommended if you haven't seen it already. 8/10

Megamind

As far as non Pixar animated films go, this one fares okay but it's still nothing special. While I appreciate the different take on super hero stories, and there are some very funny scenes, it's a bit all over the place and predictable. The end result is a nice movie with a unique twist, but still content with being average instead of something great. 6/10

Turistas

This one is so by-the-book it hurts my brain just to think about it again. Falsely marketed as a torture porn movie it spends most of its run time showing off beautiful locations and annoying characters running around ignoring the most basic of logic that you just want them to get carved up. Even when that happens, it's so brief you feel ripped off, realizing it's nothing more than a tame thriller with no thrills. Forget it. 1/10

The Sorcerers Apprentice

Surprisingly dull for the most part, while Nicholas Cage has a few brief funny moments the rest of the cast just doesn't work. Jay Baruchel is annoying as hell and Alfred Molina is wasted as the dull and totally not threatening villain, the only actor who does anything interesting is Toby Kebell as a stage magician with real powers. There are a handful of fun scenes but they are sandwiched between a forced love story, it all leads to a let down of a climax. It's okay by popcorn flick standards but it should have been better. 5/10

Mum & Dad

This one is a real oddity, a film about a family who kidnaps young people and tries to integrate them into the family, by beating the ever living crap out of them and treating them like slaves until Stockholm Syndrome kicks in. It strives to be a cult classic but there's just not enough here to fill an entire movie. Like The Human Centipede before it, the idea sounds creepy and messed up, but it doesn't translate so well to the screen. It's still good for a bit of a mindf**k but don't expect a horror classic. 5/10

Red

What looked like a glorious action film aimed at fans of the aging actors turns out to be little more than a very average action film starring a bunch of old guys who bicker a lot. Still the bickering is funny and the action is wildly over the top so there is still some entertainment hidden in here,. It's just a pity that the film spends so much time introducing characters and not giving them much to do. 6/10

Turtles Forever

A gloriously stupid mashup of the old Ninja Turtles cartoon and it's more recent reboot, turtles Forever wastes no time and jumps straight into the action. While much is lost on fans of the old series (I have no idea who any of the new characters are and there are no explanations offered) it still does a good job filling that turtle shaped hole in my heart. The many jokes at the expense of the old cartoon are clever and highly amusing while the action is big and explosive. It still feels like 3 episodes stitched together and not really a movie, but that doesn't take away from the pure joy of seeing the fab four back on screen. 7/10

I Love You Phillip Morris

In what could be his greatest performance to date Jim Carrey plays a straight cop turned gay conman who ends up in prison and falls for the titular inmate. Partially based on a true story, the film takes a very balanced approach to the material, aiming for acceptance while still throwing in the odd dick sucking joke. The story is wonderfully surreal and the acting is top notch across the board. It deftly blends comedy and drama and, in the end, sticks in your mind as a bizarre character story about a man who shows his love for the people around him in the worst ways possible. 9/10

Movie Reviews - March 2011

2011-04-03T01:51:00.000-07:00

Exit Through the Gift Shop

Banskey's bizarre docco is a fascinating look at the world of underground street art and one mans obsession with it. The subject of the film turns out to be not Banksey, but a man who would become known as Mister Brainwash, an immigrant shopkeeper who videotapes every aspect of his life. Once he discovers the world of street art, his life takes an unexpected twist which leads him to meeting his idol, Banskey, and finally becoming an artist himself.

This journey is both hilarious and horrifying to watch, to the point where you have to question whether the film is real or not. Asking this question though just makes it all the more interesting and in the end, Exit Through the Gift Shop leaves you with the feeling that you've only just begun to scratch the surface of this bizarre world.

9/10

A Perfect Getaway

I really don't know what to make of this film. On the one hand it tries something different, but on the other hand it's just so damn smug about it all. A newly wed couple on their honeymoon on a beautiful island find themselves worried that they may be in the presence of 2 murderers and must work out what to do about this situation. While it has a few decent twists there are a ton of self satisfying conversations about how movies work (the main character is a screenwriter) to the point where you almost feel like the director is trying his hardest to cover up the cliches with even more cliches. On top of that you have the requisite explanation of the killers motives towards the end of the film, followed by an excruciatingly overlong climax that pushes the film from stupid to just plain ludicrous. The few enjoyable twists can't save a movie that is just so damn smug having them in the first place.

3/10

Rango

I went into this one expecting another run of the mill kids film, with predictable story and flat characters, and that's exactly what I got. What I wasn't expecting was a rather twisted, adult sense of humour and some of the most fascinatingly grotesque style and character designs I've ever seen in a mainstream animated movie. While the storyline is incredibly by-the-book, everything else about the movie is demented enough to make it really enjoyable. The cast is diverse, the action is intense and the main character Rango is deliciously off the wall. While it is let down by some predictable moments, there is enough strangeness to lift it above standard kiddy fair. On that note though, this is definitely not a film for the youngsters, while they may enjoy the scenery, the storyline can be confusing and there is a fair amount of violence. It's really a film for teenagers and adults.

7/10

Crysis 2 - Video Game Review

2011-04-03T01:35:00.000-07:00

Crysis is a game that most gamers heard of but never played, myself included. The steep hardware requirements meant that this PC only game was experienced only by those who could afford the space-age technology required to run it, but when a powerful enough computer ran it, it was beautiful. Of course graphics aren't everything, and the team behind Crysis 2 were betting on that since they had to dumb down the visuals a bit to run it on home consoles, smartly choosing to replace the dense island jungles of the first game with the concrete jungle of New York City, mid alien invasion.

Crysis 2 has an interesting hook, being able to switch between stealth, armour and speed on the fly, and while these do make for a more interesting gameplay experience than your standard FPS, the game still falls short of greatness. Don't get me wrong, it is an incredibly well-made game, with fun and exciting gameplay, unique twists on the shooter experience and some sneaky AI, but the creators simply didn't do enough with it. The storyline is both confusing and incredibly boring, there are very few set pieces and next-to-no enemy variety. While it is fun for it's 10+ hour playtime, you still finish the game with the feeling that more could have been done.

A similar super-suit game that I played recently, Vanquish, had the same sort of hook but was a lot more memorable due to the insane story, dialogue and fun set pieces. Had Crysis 2 let loose and gone for a bit more spectacle it could have left more of an impression. As it stands, the game is very fun, satisfyingly challenging and incredibly pretty, but it just feels like the potential was there to be more than it was. You wont regret picking this one up, but I'd still rather play Vanquish any day.

8/10

Vanquish - Game Review

2011-03-22T15:28:00.000-07:00

If you're like me, then you're pretty much done with modern shooters. The brown/grey worlds, confusing storylines and relentlessly repetitive gameplay of the more recent call of duty games have all but put me off shooting games. Leave it Sega and the Japanese game industry then, to take this stale genre and make it great again.

Vanquish is a third person shooting game where story takes a back seat to insane set pieces, lightning fast combat and some of the most absurd dialogue to come along in years. On the surface the game looks like an immature, seizure inducing, flag waving piece of American crap. The story is familiar to anyone who has played any first person shooter recently, Russia attacks America (this time using a microwave emitter from a hijacked space station) and it's up to a team of gung-ho, cigarette smoking, foul mouthed yanks to infiltrate said station and fight their way through hoards of Russian robots to stop another attack.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that this whole thing is a massive piss-take on American culture. From the potty talk and kill-everything mentality of the gruff American commander, to the naive view of Russia, the whole thing harkens back to the many movies and video games tackling the exact same subject matter only slightly more seriously. Vanquish takes the bat-shit crazy approach to all this and goes over the top in almost every regard, which is a refreshing change the the stale style of most shooters up until this point.

Sega takes a more old school approach to the gameplay here, setting the levels up for maximum replayability after you've completed the story. Every level ends with a scoreboard, deducting points for player deaths, and awarding points for style. It's made all the more fun by the way the game breaks everything up into bite-sized chunks, cramming in as many amazing set-pieces with enormous robots and gun-fights aboard moving vehicles as possible. Using robots instead of humans as enemies also gives the whole game a more light-hearted feel and stops the whole thing from getting to bogged down in the "war is horrible" melodrama that other games attempt to portray (but mostly fail at).

Where the game truly excels in it's controls. Vanquish places you in an experimental suit that grants you abilities other soldiers don't have, such as slowing down time, delivering devestating melee attacks and sliding across the map with boosters on your legs. It's this slide mechanic that pushes Vanquish over the top and makes it so much fun as you slide from cover to cover, slowing down time as you do, and popping a few robots heads off on the way. By the time you're done, you can't help but smile as you look back at the smoldering piles of metal strewn across the battlefield. Not only does it speed the whole game up, but it makes everything alot more fun than normal shooters. Taking on massive spider robots that transform in bipedal death dealing machines by sliding between their legs and shooting at weak spots is something I wont soon forget.

I should point out that Vanquish is a short game, taking roughly 6-7 hours to finish. While this may sound like a bad thing, it's actually not. The game moves at a blistering pace and crams MUCH more into those few hours than most games fit into 20. On top of that, chapters can be replayed and scores beaten. This adds quite a bit of life to the game as the set pieces throughout are just begging to be played again and again. Sadly there is no multiplayer though, which is a strange omission given the potential for insanely fun super soldier battles.

It's not all perfect though, there are a few weak points in the game, and while they aren't bad enough to wreck it, I can only hope that the inevitable sequel will fix some of them. The first is the checkpoint system, which is just brutal at times, forcing you replay upwards of half hour sections if you should be killed by some of the unbelievably cheap enemy attacks (that bloody instant kill canon). While I could breeze through some of the larger battles with barely a scratch, there are a few sections of the game where enemies will kill you with one attack even if you have full health, and you WILL want to throw your controller at the tv. Another weak point is the lack of variety in the levels. While there are many different areas to explore, the stark white metal look of the space station is present throughout the whole game, save for one botanical section that isn't quite as well made as the rest of the game.

That isn't to say it's not a pretty game overall, on the contrary Vanquish is one of the nicest looking games to come out in a long time. The style is spot on for its story, and the character models are suitably over exaggerated. Your jaw will drop during some of the bigger set pieces, such as when you're forced to scale a space ship that transforms into a giant cannon and plants itself on the ground. Characters also stand out well against the backgrounds, with enemies painted bright red, making them very easy to spot, and you allies wearing the completely wrong coloured camo gear, which makes them easier for you to spot when your blasting away half the environment.

Vanquish is a breath of fresh air in what is becoming a very stale genre. It eschews gritty realism and dull war torn environments for a futuristic battleground where bullets fly in every direction and you move around at lightning speed, making scrap metal out of every enemy in sight. The set pieces are massive, and the boss fights are epic, but you still wont have too much trouble overcoming all obstacles to bring down the cartoonishly silly Russian bad guy. If you like your stories and characters a bit tongue in cheek and your action over the top, then Vanquish is the perfect game for you.

9/10

Rock Band 3 Review

2011-01-05T01:06:00.000-08:00

You know the score, coloured notes appear on screen, you strum, drum or sing your way through a song and scores points. Living in Australia, it's all Guitar Hero down here, they get the promotion and the recognition. It's a sad fact that, since the first Rock Band game was delayed by a year here, and the second was never released, Rock Band 3 received no fanfare at all. It's made all the sadder when you consider that not only could this be the last of the music rhythm games, but it's also the best.

What started with just a guitar in Guitar Hero, became a full band with Rock Band, there weren't many places the developers could go from here but they chose to do the right thing and finally bridge the gap between game and real life. I didn't get a chance to try the pro guitar as they weren't released here, so I will not be reviewing that aspect of the game. The fact that it exists though shows that Harmonix are doing that Guitar Hero isn't, moving forward.

What I did get to try however was the new keyboard peripheral, the final piece of the puzzle and the one instrument that fans have been crying out for more than anything else. The keyboard fits perfectly into the game and is the one piece of plastic hardware that actually resembles the real thing, because it almost is. Besides being only half the size, to work better with the whole band set-up, it IS a real keyboard, you can hook it up to your computer and play it, because keyboard are electronic instruments to begin with. It can be played 2 ways, with 5 keys like the guitar, or in "pro mode" which uses every key. I would suggest jumping straight into pro mode because, while it may be the hardest instrument yet to master, it's the most satisfying because you get the feeling you're really playing a song.

The song list this time around tries to be more accommodating of the new instrument, and in doing so creates the most well rounded and diverse selection to date. For those of you who thought these games were all about rock and metal, think again. Harmonix have put together the greatest setlist of any music rhythm game to date, covering everything from pop to metal, with a healthy dose of 80's in between. While there are a few unknowns in the mix, the list is much easier to recognise this time around if you're in my age group. There is alot of stuff here from the 80's and it all works so well with each instrument. There is something here to challenge and satisfy everyone and you'll be surprised just how many songs you'd forgotten, remind you why you loved them in the first place.

The visuals are top-notch as usual, the engine has been updated since last time and everything has a new level of polish on it. The venues aren't all that memorable but the characters can be customised to a great extent and look terrific on screen. The only thing that is offputting is the fact that certain glitches occur that weren't present in previous games. Occasionally characters will clip through eachother, or start move animations that don't finish. They will be on one side of the stage singing with another band member, then the camera changes and they're somewhere else doing something different entirely. I'm not sure why this happens but it is distracting when it does. Thankfully this is a rare occasion.

Menus this time around have been given a massive overhaul and turned into the best, and most user friendly to date. Jumping in and out of songs is easy, everyone can control their own options at the same time, and little touches like being able to turn off drum kit navigation so your stick happy drummer doesn't stuff everyone around are welcome additions. Being able to sort songs a huge number of different ways, create setlists and even exclude songs you hate makes the whole experience so much smoother and more party-friendly. Couple that with the fact that you can still import every song from previous games (not counting the Beatles) and you've got a song library that will keep you coming back for months, even years.

Tour mode has also been removed and replaced with challenges. Another welcome addition, challenges breaks up the action into smaller sections and means you wont have to play the same songs over and over again if you don't want to. There is still a sort of tour mode included but it's broken up into smaller tours that can be completed much quicker and are perfect for groups of people looking for some structure to their playing but only want to spend one night doing so.

You will never need to own another music game if you have Rock Band 3. Learning the keyboard, mastering the challenges and taking your friends on short tours, it all comes together to form the perfect package. The track list is the best to date, the customisation is extensive and downloadable content continues to flow in. If you love music, and you love videogames, you simply must own this.

11/10

iPod Touch 4 review

2011-01-05T00:13:00.000-08:00

Being nearly 30, I'm a child of the 80's and therefore grew up in the era of walkmans. That handy little portable tape player was a god send to anyone who wanted to block out the outside world and immerse themselves in music. The satisfying clunk of the buttons as you played, and rewound your favourite tapes is a feeling I still remember today... and sadly miss.

Now we live in the era of touch screens, the tactile sensations and clunks and whirrs of old technology has been replaced with impressive, albeit cold and lifeless advances. You know by now what and iPod is and what it does, it plays music, it plays LOTS of music and puts it all at your fingertips, allowing you to sift through thousands of songs in mere seconds. Alot of mp3 players do this though, so what exactly does the iPod Touch 4 do differently?

Being my first touch screen device I was rather excited to find out. As it turns out, it does everything you'd expect a device with a screen to do. It plays music, runs applications like a personal computer, it plays movies, and even puts other handheld gaming devices to shame by pumping out some amazingly visually intense games. This tiny, flat device manages to put out better than ps2 standard graphics and barely breaks a sweat doing it. The visuals on the Touch 4 is striking, crisp and clear, thanks to the new retina display that crams in twice as many pixels as existing ipods, making it near impossible to see jagged edges or blurry lines. It's a gorgeous screen to look at and makes it much easier on the eyes when you find yourself wasting hours flinging angry birds around.

The touch controls are extremely responsive and benefit from a faster processor than older models. On top of that, the Touch 4 finally includes both front and rear facing cameras, meaning you can carry a camera around in your pocket anywhere. There is also a wi-fi connection, meaning you can surf the net, update apps, and Skype with people anywhere (although the lack of Skype video chat is an odd omission).

There are some nagging issues though, and I guess some of them come from the fact that, as I stated earlier, I am a child of the 80's and therefore used to a more tactile experience. The Touch 4 may be the most advanced mp3 player on the market, but it all feels a bit dead. Aside from 2 volume control buttons, everything is done via the touch screen itself, and this can be especially annoying when you need to do something fast. The last of a quick pause or mute button on the side of the device is an aggravating omission that means every time you find someone is talking to you, you have to pull the Touch 4 out of your pocket, unlock it, then pause it. It takes a very long time to perform such a simple task, it's mind boggling why a pause or mute button was not including.

Playing music is also made more frustrating by the orientation controls. Turning the device on its side will cause the screen to rotate, which is handy for alot of apps, but not for the music player. If the device is turned on it's side, it goes from an easy to use standard view, to album view, which serves no purpose whatsoever. You can turn the orientation controls off, but then you have to turn them back on for some other apps, which means you're constantly switching them on and off. An option to turn off album view would have been far more preferable.

Other features on the Touch 4 also don't fare so well, the camera is, quite frankly, rubbish. It takes okay outdoor photos but don't even attempt to take indoor ones. Unlike the iPhone 4, which the Touch 4 is based off, the camera does not have a flash, which renders it almost completely useless. The lack of music control buttons on the body of the Touch 4 also means that have to use the screen alot, and when Apple say the battery lasts 20 hours, they mean with the screen OFF. Using the screen at all will drain battery life VERY quickly, playing games will drain it even quicker (around 2 hours) and using Wi-Fi, you might as well just hook it up to a generator.

The lack of apps from the get go is also disappointing. Dating back to the earliest iPods, you at least got a few games, but now you get nothing. No games, no fun apps, just a few functional ones, it's like getting socks for Christmas when you wanted a Transformer. The most baffling one of all, is the lack of a wake up to music option, something that, again, iPods have had since the beginning. Apple has suddenly become extra greedy and realised that by having an app store, they don't have to supply anything, people will pay extra to download it. It's a prick of a move on their behalf, and one that iPod dock makers have picked up on, boasting a WAKE UP TO MUSIC option, when it shouldn't be a luxury, it should be standard.

Lastly, and this isn't entirely Apples fault, the app support is dismal. While Epic Games have shown the true power of the device with Infinity Blade, every other developer is happy to pump out shovel ware in the form of cheap 2D puzzle games. The number of similar titles is astonishing, and makes it very hard to sort the gold from the crap. For every Infinity Blade, there are 1000 Bejeweled knockoffs.

I know I've whinged alot, but I do love my iPod Touch. It has alot of faults, but as an all-round device, it does SO much and runs so well. It's a great gaming device, a wonderful media player, and a very handy thing to have for everything else. As a music player though, it's a step behind the iPod Classic. The lack of tactile buttons for quickly pausing or changing songs is annoying, and the omission of features that were present on older models is baffling. It may be the best portable device, but I still prefer the click of a button to rubbing my fingers on a screen.

8/10

Fable 3

2010-12-19T15:51:00.000-08:00

Oh Peter Molyneux you handsome devil, you should consider a career in politics. You always promise so much and fail to keep those promises, delivering decent, but shallow games. Fable 2 was a fun action-adventure game with VERY light elements of RPG, riddled with half-arsed and ambitious concepts that weren't carried through all the way to completion. In the end, it was a fun diversion, but one that could have benefited from being more refined and well thought out. Fable 3 suffers from many of the same problems but since it's essentially a rehash of Fable 2, gameplay-wise, the same forgiveness cannot be afforded to it as these problems should have been fixed. While it is still a fun game, with an interesting twist halfway through, the many niggling things that plagued Fable 2 are even more glaring this time around and completely ruin the experience on more than one occasion.

The storyline is simple, you are the brother of the king, who has become a tyrant, ruling over the land with an iron fist. After he forces you to choose between killing your lover, or innocent protesters, you decide it's time to take the throne. To do this, you must gain the support of villages outside the castle, making promises to each one before moving onto the next. The twist comes halfway through when you actually take the throne and must keep these promises. Keeping the promises though comes at the expense of the lives of those in your kingdom as a greater evil is coming, and you can only afford to either keep the people happy now, or save their lives later.

This is where one of the games major flaws comes in. This concept itself is fascinating and really had me worried until I realized I could just buy property, make heaps of money and have it both ways. The game gives you a timeline of one year to satisfy your promises, and raise money to save the lives of the people. However, the one year you are given is completely independant of the actual in-game clock (it's tied to missions) so instead of feeling like time is running out, you can just stuff around making money for as long as you like. Many other elements in the game feel just as sloppy and half-arsed as this. There are great ideas at play, but none of them are very well executed or feel like anything more than superficial elements.

A large emphasis is placed on interacting with people but you'll soon grow tired of the same 3 expressions the game lets you use. There's only do much dancing, farting and chicken dancing that I could be bothered doing, and the missions you have to do to become peoples friends never feel different from one-another. Marriage is equally as dull as you cannot customize anything about your spouse. I ended up marrying my maid, and afterwards, she was still dressed as a maid, cleaning the castle with the other maids, and acting no different than before. Somehow one would think that if the king married someone, he could offer them nicer clothes and let them quit their job.

As I said, it's all very superficial. Everything the game touts as role playing elements don't hold up under closer inspection. Even the combat feels sloppy, with over 100 weapons to choose from, none of them feel different from eachother. The magic spells feel the same as well, only offering very minor differences so there's really no reason to choose one over the other. That said, the combat can still be satisfying and the game is still fun on a very basic level, but it doesn't offer much more than other basic action-adventure games. Had all of these elements been stripped away and the core mechanics tightened, it might have seemed a little more fun.

In the end, Fable 3 is the same game you've already played twice, but somehow feels like a step backwards. For all of Peter Molynuex's promises, he once again has provided an average game that isn't broken, it just leaves you wanting more. The gameplay is fine, and the story has some nice twists, but the role playing elements are weak, and the whole thing might have worked better had it been simplified, rather than overcrowded with superficial elements.

6/10

The Like - Release Me

2010-12-19T14:48:00.000-08:00

A lot of bands have been tapping the 80's well of late, bringing back that synth pop sound that made that decade such a beloved period for dance tracks and catchy pop tunes. It's a strange thing then, that a band would choose to go back even further and mimic the sounds of 60's pop, but that's just what American chick rock band The Like have gone and done. The 4 girls from LA have changed up their sound for their sophomore album to replicate an era of plunky guitars and innocent vocals. It's a rather bold move that could have just been a wanky gimmick, but instead comes off as a sincere homage to an era of music that still sounds relevant today.

Upon closer inspection, the lyrics are actually a bit raunchy, hiding beneath the cute and innocent 60's sound. There's nothing offensive about the content but it has a rather cheeky air to it that makes the whole thing feel like an actual album the band has crafted, rather than an all-surface gimmick that is vying for attention in the current synth-filled market place. I've listened to the whole thing at least 10 times already and not only is it addictive as hell, but it has that instant hook that not many albums of late have had, without quickly diminishing in quality.

My only complaint would be that singer Z Berg doesn't have an overly unique singing style, which is usually what cement bands in my favorites list. She has talent, and an adorable singing style, but if you asked me to identify her by listening to a new song, I probably couldn't. That aside, the band as a whole certainly has something unique going on with this album, and I hope to hear them tackle different sounds in future rather than stick with the same thing. That said, as a stand-alone album, it's catchy, instantly hooks you, and will stick in your head for weeks.

9/10

Predators - Movie Review

2010-08-31T22:59:00.000-07:00

I dare you to try and find one member of the male sex who isn't a fan of the 1987 bicep-flexing, alien battling, jungle destroying flick Predator. Now I dare you to find me anyone who considers Predator 2, AvP or AvP2 even close to the original, not such an easy task. This mainly boils down to two things, the first being the lack of Arnold Schwarzenegger and his scenery chewing performance. The second may hit a bit of a hard note with fans of the Predator mythology, but having not read any of the comics or books, I can't say there's a whole lot to the Predator characters. They're big, dumb hunters that try to prove their worth by killing tougher (read, anyone with a weapon) foes. Outside of this, I just don't think there's enough to justify so many movies based around them, and Predators further proves my point. This movie is garbage.

The story is simple, a group of random people are dropped onto an alien planet and hunted by a group of Predators. Sound familiar? Besides the setting, and the number of Predators, there's not a whole lot to differentiate this film from the original, and it's pretty obvious this was a deliberate choice. After the utter failures of the AvP movies, it seems like Director Nimrod Antal wanted to go back to basics, and use the same formula that worked the first time around. Unfortunately, as I stated earlier, there's no reason to do this. The original was perfect the first time around, and it was perfect for reasons Antal can't seem to comprehend. In trying to update the humans and Predators so it doesn't feel like a complete remake, he's lost the sense of fun that Predator had.

What's even worse is that all of the callbacks to the original just made me cringe. There's so many lines and scenes that are obviously supposed to invoke a sense of nostalgia but instead just make you wonder why this movie was even necessary in the first place, if it has no intention of trying to do anything differently. Even when it does come up with moments that I'm sure the writers thought were cool, they come off as embarrassing. Such as a sword fight between a human and a Predator, or Laurence Fishburne's laughably out-of-shape madman character. All of this would be okay if the action were exciting enough to carry the film but unfortunately it's not, it's downright boring. There's nothing new, or exhilarating about it, it's all been done before and better.

To compound things further, the films main draw card, Adrian Brody in action-hero mode, is grossly miscast. Sure he bulked up for the role, and adds a little realism to the proceedings by not being as bulky as Arnie, but his forced gruff voice and utter lack of character development just make him a boring guy to follow around. The only shining light here is Walton Goggins as the depraved prisoner, but even he is given some awful dialogue that almost completely ruins the fun.

This movie really has no reason to exist. If their aim was to recreate the sense of fun and suspense from the first film, they failed on all counts. There are no creative deaths, action scenes or one-liners to speak of and it moves at a glacial pace. If there are to be any more Predator movies at all, someone needs to come up with something new. As it stands though, I really don't think we need anymore, the Predators themselves are so one-dimensional (as far as I've seen in the movies) that I just can't see anyone coming up with something fresh enough to justify a new story. If they did though, it would need to be more exciting and well written than this bore-fest.

2/10

Inception - Movie Review

2010-07-25T03:20:00.000-07:00

Prepare for a total mind f**k.

It's been nearly a week and I still can't stop going over the events of this film in my head, and not many movies can do that to me. Christopher Nolan's latest effort is more akin to his thrillers Memento and The Prestige, than his Batman films, although this time he's successfully merged the action from the latter with the thinking mans story from the former. Unlike the rest of the planet, I thought the Dark Knight was missing something, I couldn't quite tell what that something was but it always felt like the story was 2 steps behind the action and the movie just sort of propelled itself along without any sense of cohesion. Although Inception suffers from the same problem in parts, it's a much more well-rounded experience that has eliminated most of the tiny flaws in Nolan's previous efforts to create his most exciting and thought-provoking film to date.

In an effort to avoid spoilers I will only outline enough to wet your appetite. The story follows Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio), a master thief with a difference, his job requires him to steal ideas from people as they sleep, using a futuristic (yet unexplained) device that allows him to enter the dreams of others. After being confronted with a deal that would allow him to return home to his children (his crimes are not explained right off the bat), he takes up the offer and sets out to build a team to pull off a task that no-one has successfully managed before. The job, to plant an idea, instead of taking one, into someone's head.

The film moves fairly slowly at first, incorporating elements of heist films as Leo's character searches the globe for old and new faces to make up his team. The back stories are kept to a minimum as Cobb picks up an architect (to shape the world of the dream and keep the subject confused), a chemist (to administer the drugs that will keep everyone sleep), a forger (to pose as someone the target trusts), Cobb's right hand man Arthur, and his employer Saito, who wishes to oversee the operation. While it may seem strange that we get nearly no history of these characters, it works well within the context of the movie, as these people will only be working on one job together and wish to operate on a purely professional level. Picking up the slack is Cobb's back story, which makes up the bulk of the emotional side of the film, as he comes to terms with his past and tries to stop it from ruining everything in the present.

The acting is serviceable from all involved, as I stated the film isn't big on emotions so you wont see anyone crying or yelling, they're too busy running. DiCaprio plays his character Cobb as a shut-off man, trying to bury his feelings and his past instead of confronting them. Joseph Gordon Levitt, as Cobb's right-hand man Arthur, proves that he's got the acting chops to move from child-star to nearly-leading man, handling all of his action scenes just as well as his dramatic ones. The only voice of reason in the film comes from Ellen Page, finally shedding her teenage image and acting her age, as the architect who seems to be the only one aware of how much Cobb's past is in danger of screwing up the job. Everyone else works here, with Nolan knowing how to wring great performances out of up and comers, Tom Hardy, Dileep Rao and Marion Cotillard, as well as the oldies, Tom Berenger, Ken Watanabe, and Michael Caine.

The visuals and sound design are the real stars of the show though, with all but one shot in the film coming off as utterly believable. Apart from said funky effect, I never once stopped and thought I was looking at a computer generated world, and this is mostly thanks to Nolan's insistence on traditional effects work. Most of the effects shots are done on-set and this helps to build a more believable world and pull you into the action. Anti-gravity scenes are done with rotating sets and wire-work, real trains are driven right through the middle of city streets, and apart from a set-up scene and the climax, most of the time spent in the dream world looks like the real world. The sound work on top of this creates a great sense of unease as you're constantly reminding yourself where you are within the context of this ever-shifting plot.

The story, which has taken over 10 years to write, is a labyrinth of dreams within dreams and shifting scales of time. I'll leave it to the actual movie to explain the dream world better, but suffice to say it all makes sense within the boundaries that the film sets up. It's only towards the end that things get a tad confusing, with a poorly explained plot device that has left me trying to work it out ever since. Whether this was intentional or not in unknown but as I stated early in the review, very few movies will have me still thinking about them days after the credits roll. Given the nature of the ending, there's bound to be alot of discussion, which is why I implore everyone to see the film as soon as possible, before someone ruins the ending.

The same pacing issues that plagued Batman Begins and The Dark Knight are still present here but in a much more diminished form. After a rather slow first half the film really picks up, and takes you on a hell of a ride right up to the end, and I can tell more than a few people had to catch their breath after the climax. I have to give credit to Nolan though for pacing Inception in a way that no other film has done before, and trying some genuinely new things. Apart from a few obviously plagiarised ideas from the Matrix and Existenz, everything here feels fresh and sets the standard for intelligent action films to come. At no point did I ever feel like the movie was pandering to me, or spoon-feeding me information, and it's a joy to finally be treated like an adult by film-makers who obviously felt like audiences are smarter than Hollywood gives us credit for.

Inception does for this genre what The Dark Knight did for comic book movies, setting the bar so high that it's doubtful anyone will top it for years to come. It has almost all the hallmarks of an instant classic and despite having a few small flaws, it deserves to be hailed as such. In my books it's not quite perfect, but I'm sure others will be more forgiving, and it still doesn't take away from the fact that this is Christopher Nolan's best film (only JUST above The Prestige) and things can only get better from here. The fact that audiences are rewarding such good ideas with their money gives me new-found hope that directors will finally start trusting that they can have a smart story and thrilling action in the same film.

9/10

X-Men Origins Wolverine - Video Game Review

2010-07-22T02:53:00.000-07:00

As a big fan of the first 2 X-Men films (let's just forget the third ever happened) I was excited about the prequel, X Men Origins, and although it was an okay action film in the end, it still left me feeling a bit empty inside. The video game adaptation however, was the exact opposite, I was expecting nothing, and instead got one of the most fun hack n' slash games I've played in a very long time. Wolverine would have to be the first licenced game I've ever played that was actually BETTER than the movie.

Part of this is due to the fact that the game only borrows a few key scenes from the film and builds everything else from the comic book universe, creating a better story, and allowing for some truly epic fights that would have been far too expensive to recreate on the big screen. While it skims over a few key scenes from the film (Logan's childhood and the death of his wife) it fills in the gaps with some more important details (the discovery of mutant hunting robots and other ghastly experiments). The rest of the story remains the same, Logan wants revenge after his brother kills his wife, and submits himself to a horrific procedure to help him gain the upper hand, before discovering he was being used all along to help create a super-mutant.

When all is said and done though, you're not going to be playing this one for the story, it's pure action from start to finish and there are more than enough boss fights to break up the repetitive nature of some of the levels. You'll be button mashing your way through various locations ranging from dense jungles and temples to futuristic laboratories, and building your stats as you go. Over time you will gain new abilities and perks that help you get out of a tight spot quickly, and lead to some satisfying abilities, being able to play through earlier levels with everything unlocked is even more fun.

For the most part the graphics and sound are decent. There's nothing mind blowing, but the sheer scale of some fights are jaw-dropping, and Wolverine visible damage is a nice touch. The voice work is okay, using several of the films actual cast members, but the lines are delivered in a rather uninspired manner that undercuts some of the action. Also of note is the sheer amount of gore on display, which really raises the game another level above the movie. Apart from one really idiotically censored moment, there are a ton of body parts flying around the screen and the game does not shy away from the brutality of Wolverines character. Bonus points for really showing what this animal is capable of.

There really isn't much else to say besides the fact that this game is pure fun. There's a heap of moves to use and a ton of enemies to slice your way through. My only complaints would be the limited level design, and repetitive nature of the fights. Over time you will grow tired of seeing the same mini-bosses pop up, and the same hoards of enemies charging at you, but they do switch up often enough to keep things from getting boring. Overall, it's a fun diversion that offers some satisfying hack n' slash action and epic boss fights.

8/10

Jesus Christ...

2010-07-05T00:18:00.001-07:00

Every so often I stop and think "Hey I'm in Melbourne, where are all the crazy people that are supposed to wander the streets, throwing feces my way and screaming crazy gibberish at me". I look around, down alleys and in the nearest McDonalds, nothing. Maybe the odd homeless person but they keep to themselves, and anyone muttering to themselves usually doesn't bother me.

The train is where it's at.

I was on one of these waste delivery tubes earlier, and had the distinct pleasure of witnessing (I'm not over-exaggerating here) the dumbest people I have ever seen in my life. 4 youths, dribbling absolute crap, in the most broken and unintelligible English I have ever heard in my life, swinging around on the hand rails and trying to pull the doors open while the train was in motion. Why the HELL is there such a big issue with gays adopting when trash like this is allowed to breed (one of them, no older than 15 was pregnant and being pushed around and sat on by the others). I've seen homeless degenerates act more civilised than these little shits. I had a house full of drunken party-goers on Saturday and every single one of them acted in a more professional manner than these jizz rags.

I don't like the idea of anyone being reduced to living on the streets but I would gladly see any homeless person trade places with these pieces of crap because they don't deserve to have anything that less fortunate people don't have. Every uneducated, or disabled person I know acts far more courteous and intelligent than these kids, and I refuse to accept that anything short of the worlds worst parenting, and generations of inbreeding could produce such idiotic and rude people.

The film Idiocracy is becoming more and more believable with each passing day.

Charlotte Hatherley - New Worlds

2010-06-20T15:28:00.000-07:00

If ever there was a time for Charlotte Hatherley to prove she can stand on her own two feet, this is it. Three albums in and the former Ash guitarist hasn't struck it as big as her old band yet, but boy does she deserve to. Not only is her latest effort New Worlds her best work to date, it may be better than anything Ash has done, period. I know they are two completely different sounds and I love them both but I feel like Hatherley is much more comfortable, and confident, leading her own projects. With this being her first American produced album, if the world doesn't take notice now, the girl may never crack the big time, and that's a damn shame.

Being a big fan of Ash, I was intrigued when I first discovered that guitarist, and backup singer Charlotte Hatherley, had decided to branch out and take a stab at a solo career. Usually when a singer takes this route the sound is pretty much the same and really defeats the purpose of breaking up a band in the first place, but guitarists and bassists (like another favourite Melissa Auf der Maur of Hole) don't often get a chance to sing, so it's always interesting to see what they do. To my surprise Hatherley's first album Grey Will Fade instantly hooked me, and her follow-up The Deep Blue cemented her as one of my favourite new artists.

New Worlds had alot to live up to (yes my expectations are always high) and it did not disappoint, proving that this talented singer can do just fine on her own. Just like her previous efforts, the album can waver from soft ballads to catchy pop/rock on a whim and back again without any problem. Each song flows well into the next and, unlike the complaints I levelled at the New Pornographers in my last review, the softer songs are mingled quite well with the faster ones creating a nice sense of balance and cohesion. To add to this, Hatherley employs a common theme throughout the album, just as she did with The Deep Blue (exploring water). This time it's all about colour, kicking off with the first single White, and following through nearly every song, infusing the album with a sense of other-worldliness and an almost dream-like sensation where you can close your eyes and just feel the colours coming from the music.

Standout tracks include White, Alexander, and Full Circle, which really lay it on heavy right from the start and hook you in. It's impossible not to be swept away by Hatherley's amazing vocals as she switches effortlessly between hard rock-chick and softly sung ballads. She's complemented by some terrific guitar and synth work that helps nail the out-of-this-world feel that she was obviously going for, and at the same time it never feels overly complicated, no matter how much is going on. As I said earlier, the structure of the album is perfect, starting out strong, before arriving at a rather strange but hypnotic track in the middle, reminiscent of dream-like circus music, then picking up again before slowing down for the penultimate, and final tracks.

If there are any complaints to be made, it would simply be that the album is too short (coming in at just 10 songs) and as much as I love her softer stuff, I could easily accept a few more faster songs, as that is where Hatherley really shines. Those complaints aside, I cannot find much to fault here, the girl has outdone herself and crafted a fine album that will hopefully catapult her to rock stardom. Charlotte Hatherley, you're no longer just the guitarist from Ash, you're a legend, and this is the album that proves it.

9/10

Rock Band 3

2010-06-10T04:19:00.000-07:00

Real guitars (with strings).

4 pad + 3 cymbal drum kit.

3 part harmonies.

A 25 key midi keyboard.

On top of that, tutorials on how to play all of these instruments for real.

Not to mention an already awesome sounding tracklist including, Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, Rainbow in the Dark by Dio, and Here I Go Again by Whitesnake. I haven't been this excited since I heard about the first Rock Band...

Suck it Guitar Hero.

The New Pornographers - Together - CD Review

2010-06-07T04:00:00.000-07:00

I've been a fan of the New Pornographers for some time now, but only in the last year did I actually bother to pick up their CD's and have a good listen to their entire catalogue. Going through their library I couldn't help but feel that, although I really love the band, with each album they seemed to be growing a little older, a little more mature and a little less fun. I leveled this complaint at another album recently, but given that Pornographers progression has been much slower (Together is the bands 5th release) I'm a little more accepting of the fact that the guys have settled for a slower pace and more downbeat songs.

Together opens very strongly with Moves, a rather jolting and heavy start that gets its hooks in you immediately before settling down a bit for the albums best track, Crash years. It's my opinion that The New Pornographers wouldn't be half as good without singer Neko Case, and I know that many others feel the same way. While I do like Carl Newman and Dan Bejar's vocals (yes the band has 3 singers), Case has always struck me as the strongest of the 3, not just because I prefer female vocalists, but she just seems to put alot more passion into what she does. Crash Years is one of the finest examples of her powerful vocal skills to date, and while she does feature in many other tracks as a backing vocalist, it's a shame that she doesn't get as many songs as the blokes.

Moving onto the track Together, the band proves once again that the title tracks are almost always the best songs of each album. It goes back to the more catchy beats that were so prevalent on their earlier efforts and you can't help but sing along. Silver Jenny Dollar and Sweet Talk, Sweet Talk are equally as catchy but a little slower, while My Shepard is another brilliant effort by Neko Case, and the most beautiful song of the album.

The second half is where things go a little downhill though, with the exception of Up In The Dark, every other song from this point on is dreary and rather depressing. This doesn't necessarily make them bad songs, it's just a pity that they couldn't keep up the intensity of the earlier stuff, or at least pepper them throughout the album a little better so it wasn't such a jarring change of pace. This is where it really becomes apparent that The New Pornographers are ditching their catchy, boppy sound in favour of something a little more mature and downbeat, which works on occasion but devoting half the album to such slow songs really just gets you a bit down in the dumps.

Combine that with the fact that Neko Case really only has 2 or 3 songs, and it makes Together one of the weaker efforts the band has produced. It's by no means their worst, but it just worries me that I may never get to see the band produce something as good as their first albums again. Of course it's impossible to say really, they could come back and surprise everyone, and I really hope they do. Like I said at the beginning of the review though, the band has progressed slowly to this point so it was no surprise, and I think it's this gradual progression that makes Together such an enjoyable album overall. The first half is terrific and though it slows down quite a bit towards the end, the band still knows how to handle that sort of material well and make it all sound beautiful.

Here's hoping they cheer up a bit before they write their 6th album though.

7/10

Prince of Persia - Movie Review

2010-06-06T23:59:00.000-07:00

Game to film adaptations have a bad reputation of being, well shithouse, and with good reason. The majority of films that are based around popular video games are cheap, rushed affairs that often deviate so far from the source material that they not only alienate fans but lose any of the greatness the game brought to the equation. Occasionally though someone throws enough money at a project to guarantee that it's at least an enjoyable popcorn flick with some decent effects, Prince of Persia is one of those movies.

The story is simple, Prince Dastan starts life as an orphan, and through an act of courage he is adopted by the king and made a, as the title suggests, Prince of Persia. Flash forward 10 years and Dastan, along with his brothers, have raided a nearby city under the impression that they were selling weapons to Persia's enemies. During the celebrations after taking the city, the King is murdered and Dastan is framed for the act. He flees the city with a Princess in tow who is trying to protect a mystical dagger that can not only turn by time, but potentially destroy the world as well. It's up to Dastan to work out why he was framed, how to protect the dagger and how he can get the annoying Princess to sod off.

It's all standard action fluff, the acting is decent (with Alfred Molina being an obvious standout as the comic relief), and the action set pieces are grand and impressive at times. At it's worst, Persia feels like a Pirate of the Caribbean knock-off, but at it's best, it's an entertaining romp with enough life in it to make the inevitable sequel seem appetising. There's allot to enjoy here, and if you leave your brain at the door you'll have a really good time.

7/10

I like movies

2010-05-31T02:31:00.001-07:00

What better way to bring this month to a close than with the one thing (Smammet excepted) that I love in this life more than anything else, movies. I live and breath cinema, always discussing and debating it, spending hours every week enveloped in it, and hell, even dreaming about it. I love the atmosphere of a theatre, or a cozy lounge room surrounded by mates enjoying a good flick. I love every genre, but just like music, this doesn't mean I love every movie. On the contrary, I hate so many movies it's not funny, but the fact that I keep watching more and more bad movies is a testament to my love of cinema as a whole.

You have to take the good with the bad, and I'll gladly sit through 100 Daredevils if it means I get to enjoy classics like T2, or Casablanca (probably the only time those 2 movies have ever been uttered in the same sentence). Not all movies are created equal but I enjoy most of them on the same level. Just because Independence Day isn't as smart as The Usual Suspects doesn't mean I can't enjoy them both as much as each other. Every movie plays on a different part of your brain, there's the part that wants to be intellectually stimulated, and there's the parts that want to see explosions, or gross-out toilet humour.

I don't love every movie, but I love movies as a whole. That's the reason I keep coming back to them, because even if I watch 50 terrible movies in a row, it only takes 1 good one to restore my faith in cinema.

I like music, all music

2010-05-30T04:36:00.001-07:00

I don't think I could make it through the day without music, I simply must have something playing in my ears or I'd go crazy from the boredom. Even when I don't have my mp3 player, my brain will pick up the slack by playing music in my head for me (mind you this can lead to some songs going for hours when I forget how they end). While I do dislike alot of bands I honestly can't say I dislike any genres. As long as the musicians are good, the songs are well written or at the very least, catchy, I can handle it. My music collection ranges from Death Metal to Pop music, from Metallica to Avril Lavigne, and I don't care. Scoff if you will at the fact that I have Hamster dance on my iPod, but I don't believe you should limit yourself to one genre of music.

I see so many Metal heads out there who refuse to listen to anything else from fear of tainting their hardcore image, but I'll bet they know the words to at least one Kylie Minogue or John Farham song. The same goes for teenie bopper wankers who chew up and spit out the song of the week without ever giving music that ISN'T on the top 40 a go.

Limiting the genres you listen to purely because it doesn't fit your image is robbing yourself of a whole world of music. Just because you dress like a wigga and follow rap culture doesn't mean you can't enjoy rock or metal. If you don't like particular bands or songs, that's fine, I'm the same way, but purposely ignoring entire genres isn't the way. I give every artist, every genre a go before I decide if I don't like it. Sure, sometimes I can tell before I've even heard something if I wont like it, but that's no reason not to give it a try, because I never know if I'm missing out on a hidden gem. Hell, I didn't even know about Indian Metal until recently.

I like all music, be it rock, metal, pop, country, techno, rap, alternative (god that's a broad umbrella genre), emo (still can't believe that's a musical term now), and many others. I may hate nearly every modern r & b song but it doesn't mean I've given up on it as a whole, because I never know when a great band will come and blow my pre-conceived notions away. I believe deep down inside that many people are the same way, but just don't want to admit it openly from fear of having their tastes ridiculed. Me, I couldn't care less, I'm going to go listen to some Linkin Park, followed by the Beatles...

I like birds

2010-05-27T02:44:00.001-07:00

Those crazy little feathery bastards, they make me smile. I'm not sure why but I've fascinated with birds for years, hell I based my entire arts degree around them and I'm currently writing a comic that's very bird-focused. Everything they do just amuses me, the way pigeons bob around, the way crows craftily go about their business, and the way cockatoos always look like they want to murder me. Every species has wildly different characteristics, and it's just so much fun to watch them as they do whatever it is birds love doing. It doesn't matter where you are, they're always around you, singing, fluttering about, or crapping on your car. Not every species is friendly but when you find the right one, they're just as good a friend as a cat or dog (maybe not cats, they're evil). Bonus points if you find one that likes dancing to Michael Jackson.

Where The Wild Things Are - Movie Review

2010-05-24T02:57:00.000-07:00

There was a time in the 80's when kids movies weren't all bright and cheery, you know the ones I mean. The movies you look back on now and can safely say they gave you nightmares, whether it be Jim Hensons whimsical, but frightening creations, or the sight of David Bowies crotch, they just don't scare kids like they used to. So in this day and age, where kids films (with the exception of Pixar and a few others) are far too soft, it's refreshing to see that some directors are still willing to create something with artistic merit and tackle tougher issues. When I heard that Spike Jonze was going to adapt the beloved children's book Where the Wild Things are, I have to say I was excited (even though I've never read the book, I still know quite alot about it). When I heard his original cut had been rejected for being too dark, I was even more excited.

The film he ended up releasing was something that I never saw coming, and it blew me away.

The story is only really the set-up for the movie, as it doesn't have a plot per se, instead focusing more in characters and issues. Max is a rambunctious little kid, scratch that, he's a monster. He screams, bites people, and destroys everything in his path. He's not a brat though, more just a wild creature who loves his mother and sister but doesn't know quite how to show it. One night, after a fight with his mum, he runs away from home, steals a boat, and sails to an island where he discovers the Wild Things and makes himself their king. There isn't much of a plot after that, except for the building of a giant fort, and trying to hold everyone together amidst the many fights and arguments that ensue.

Where The Wild Things Are is told from the point of view of Max, so the audiences understanding of the world he finds, and the logic of each characters actions are limited to how much Max really knows about the real world. Being only 10 years old, his understanding of complex issues such as adult relationships and leading a group is restricted, meaning that the Wild Things act in tmuch he same way. Each character is well defined but they all act the way a 10 year old sees the world, bad behaviour is encouraged, activities are spontaneous and when things go wrong, no-one really knows how to deal. There are no adults to offer any sound advise, and when things get really bad, Max simply has no idea what to do.

It's a refreshingly honest take on what it means to be a child, and how we all viewed the world when we didn't know about things like sex, work, or any other sort of responsibilities. When Max decides that everyone should build a fort, and comes up with the most insane ideas (such as a defense system that removes intruders brains) no-one tells him it can't be done. Everyone is just as excited as him and just assumes that whatever he suggests, no matter how crazy, can be accomplished.

The relationships in the film make up a large chunk of the run time. The Wild Things each have a distinct, and human, personality that relates to the people in Max's life. There are parent figures, friends, and family, and each one brings their own unique problems to the table for Max to fix. The main creature Carol (voiced beautifully by James Gandolfini) relies on Max the most to make sure no-one is sad anymore, and when he can't do that, Carol loses his temper in much the same way Max did with his mother. Carol's mood can change on a whim, he can be Max's best Friend one second, or trying to eat him the next when things don't go his way. It's frightening at times but we've all known someone like this at some point in our lives, and when you're a child, you just don't know quite how to deal with it.

The rest of the cast is terrific, from Catherine O'Hara and Forrest Whitaker as the deeply in love couple, to Lauren Ambrose as Carol's best, although estranged, friend. The real stars of the show are the Wild Things themselves though, and the amazing design of the creatures. Using a mixture of traditional costumes and CG for the faces, these monster are so convincing that I never once stopped to think I was looking at something that didn't really exist. Spike Jonze has utilized the best of both worlds, fantastic costumes and excellent CG , to create the best make-believe characters ever put to film. The fact that he chose to shoot the film in very normal settings, a forest, desert, and a beach, helps to ground these creatures in reality and keep the movie feeling humble as opposed to a grand fantasy flick.

It can be hard to watch at times, as things go from bad to worse for Max, and the ending may not give some people the resolution they were hoping for, but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. It's a frank, and realistic look at how a child sees the world, and not how a Hollywood producer THINKS children see the world. There are fights, arguments and more problems than Max can possibly fix on his own, but there's also alot of fun and mischief to be had. In the end it's all about the experience, not the plot, and what you take away from the movie. I can't explain how it will make you feel because everyone will experience it slightly differently depending on their childhood. You simply have to see it to understand.

Where The Wild Things Are is Spike Jonze's best movie to date, and the best film of 2009. Don't miss it.

10/10

Operator Please - Gloves CD Review

2010-05-24T02:31:00.000-07:00

Going down the same path as another recent Australian band, The Grates, Operator Please's sophomore effort is an attempt to try out a different sound early on, but the question is, did they go too far, too soon? Everyone knows Operator Please as that quirky little group of teenage misfits who burst onto the music scene a few years back with the insanely catchy Song About Ping-Pong and subsequent album Yes Yes Vindictive, filled with equally catchy and fun songs. The whole thing was bursting at the seams with the kind of energy that only a group of youngsters (the band formed in high school not long before they started their first CD) can offer and it was impossible not to get caught up in the whole thing, even if you told everyone else you hated it.

Several years later and the group is back, a little older, and ready to tackle a more mature sound. With Gloves, the band has dropped the horns and strings and opted instead for a poppy synth sound, reminiscent of so many artists nowadays trying to relive the 80's. The songs here are still catchy but the album as a whole just sounds nothing like the first, to the point where, if you didn't know who the band was, you'd swear they were made by two completely different groups. The raw energy is gone, replaced by a smoother polish and technically better sound, but lacking the fun they brought to the table the first time around. Lead singer Amandah Wilkinson in particular has changed her style completely and lost her charming, adorable vocal styles, replacing them with more standard pop fare.

That's not to say the album is bad, it just doesn't stand out like Yes Yes did. The songs here are still quite catchy, opening strongly with Catapult and Just Kiss, before slowing down a bit towards the mid section and picking up again later on. As a whole, it works, and proves to be a nice little collection of songs that grows on you over time, rather than grabbing you straight away like Ping Pong did. The Grates pulled a similar stunt but in their case it worked, their second album wasn't quite as good as the first but they still managed to retain that sense of fun that won over listeners in the first place. Operator Please still have the skills to make a solid album, it's just a pity that they decided to change their sound so early, rather than giving us a few more years of juvenile fun before they grew up.

6/10

I like food

2010-05-19T02:54:00.000-07:00

I know that's a really vague thing to write, but have you ever stopped to think about how much pleasure you get from eating? You don't just do it for nutrients, otherwise you could survive off water and some sort of flavourless food substitute. After making posts about soft drinks, ice cream, dark chocolate and beer, I figured I might as well just condense everything into one post to make life a little easier. All of these things have something in common, I consume them because I enjoy the taste. It may make me sound like a fat pig, but I love eating, because if I have to do it to stay alive, I might as well enjoy it.

That's not to say I eat the most exotic or exciting food, but even the simplest meal can be a treat. I try to eat healthy, but let's face it, junk food is popular for a reason, it's tastes great. Pizza, chocolate, chip and gravy, fried chicken (okay so fried chicken makes me sick but that's more the grease), you forget for a moment that it's doing bad things to your insides and just enjoy it as it hits your tastebuds. Sadly I don't get to eat these things very often for health reasons but healthy food is just as delicious in its own right, bananas are like my mars bars.

Something I will never do is sacrifice tasty food for health, that's not to say I wont eat healthy food (I love fruit and veg) or just eat junk food, but if it means never being as thin or fit as I can be, so be it. I don't mind being a little wobbly round the edges, as long as I can enjoy a beer or a block of chocolate once in a while. I still exercise and eat sensibly but cutting out something you enjoy from your life completely, it's not living life the way you want.

Not a day goes by that I don't take the time to enjoy food, I don't scoff it down for the sake of filling my body and moving on. Even if I'm eating something as bland as chicken and rice just to get enough energy to go to the gym, I'll spice it up a bit and savour it. Food is awesome, never take it for granted, savour every last delicious bite and if you don't like it, then find something you do like. Eating something you hate just to be healthy isn't the way to live life, you just haven't found the right healthy food yet, but it's out there, waiting to assault your tastebuds!

I like toys

2010-05-18T01:13:00.000-07:00

My work desk would be a very boring place if it weren't for my collection of toys, same goes for my bedroom. Call me childish but I love the things. Not only are they a sign of devotion to any given tv show, movie or game, but they make an excellent distraction from whatever boring activity I'm usually stuck doing. I tend to fidget alot when I'm bored so even just playing with something that has moving parts (see my earlier post about dismantling things) is enough to get me through the day. Transformers are without a doubt Gods gift to the fiddly fingered, providing hours of fun just stuffing around with them.

If you have enough toys, you can make diorama's... or just put them in dirty positions and giggle while your work mates wonder what's wrong with you.

Also falling into the childish bracket is my love of stuffed toys. I guess I'm just a sucker for cute and cuddly things and, short of getting a dog (which I can't do in my current house), stuffed toys are the closest thing to a pet. I can't resist something with googly eyes and soft fur, I simply must have them. There's also the novelty of unusual stuffed things, such as my small collection of plush microbes (blood cells, e.coli), sea creatures, and a glow in the dark plush skull.

It doesn't matter how old you get, toys have a place in our lives. Be it collecting a set, something to fiddle with, or just something to brighten up a dull office setting or bedroom.

Toys rock.

I like doggies

2010-05-16T23:32:00.000-07:00

Doggies are the best thing ever.

D'aaawwww wook at da widdle fella!

Ooshabooboo!!!

DOGGIES!

o___O

R.I.P Ronnie James Dio

2010-05-16T18:19:00.000-07:00

1942 - 2010

There will never be another like you.
Rock on in Heaven!

I like beer

2010-05-14T20:31:00.000-07:00

Beer is the greatest creation in the history of mankind, not that I want to sound like an alcoholic or anything. If I want to get drunk, I'll drink spirits and do shots, I drink beer for the taste. Preferably Stout, Guinness, or anything by James Squire. Hell I've even recently learned to like American beer, it's watery and weak but it's not as bad as I used to think it was.

So cheers, to beer! The greatest drink in the world!

I like undies

2010-05-13T03:51:00.000-07:00

The title may sound a little creepy but I'm talking about my own, you sick little monkey. I've never been a boxers man, or briefs, I've always found undies to be far more comfortable. This also means I don't sleep in boxers, which leaves me with PJ's. I also use hankies...

OH GOD I'M AN OLD MAN ALREADY!!!

I like dairy products as hangover cures

2010-05-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

It may make some people sick after a big night out, but nothing calms my stomach and soothes my aching head more than something dairy-related. Milkshakes, icecreams, chocolate, it's practically all I can eat and drink after a massive night of drinking. The following are the best cures for me...

Strawberry/Banana milkshakes are the number one thing I simply must get into my stomach after waking up with a shocking hangover. The milk settles my stomach and just getting liquid into me takes the edge off my headache. Screw water, it tastes like crap after you first wake up. After killing off my tastebuds the previous night, I need something sweet and strong, and a buttload of milkshakes is the best thing for it.

Giggle at the name if you want, but there's no denying that Golden Gaytimes are the best God damn ice cream ever made. Delicious caramel and vanilla icecream coated in chocolate and crunchy biscuit bits. It may be messy as hell to eat, but it's worth the effort.

Magnum Ego comes a close second as the ultimate icecream hangover cure. Vanilla, ice cream coated in chocolate, coated in caramel, coated in MORE CHOCOLATE! Good god, it's heaven.

Boost bars are the first chocolate bar I go for if icecream isn't available, something about them is just awesome and delicious and oh so refreshing to my tortured mouth.

After all that dairy, there's only one thing my body needs... junk food. My taste buds and stomach simply refuse to take any kind of fruit or vegetable, so it's home made pizzas, cheese sandwiches and roast wedges for the rest of the day.

All of this simply wouldn't be necessary if it weren't for Beer being so delicious, but we'll touch on that some other time...

I like that period between going to bed and falling asleep

2010-05-10T19:17:00.000-07:00

It's a pretty common knowledge that the time between your head hitting the pillow and actually falling asleep, your brain is insanely active. For most people this can last about 15 minutes, for me, it can last for hours. It can be pretty annoying some nights, where my brain just starts playing the same song over and over again and wont let me sleep, but other nights, it's a blessing.

I suffer from insane bouts of writers block, spending hours just staring at a blank screen, ready and willing to write, but my brain just craps out on me. It's always when I least expect it that the best ideas come to me, in the shower, on the toilet, but if I deliberately try to catch these moments by having a shower when I don't need one, it just doesn't work. That period of time though, between being awake and asleep, my brain just goes into overdrive. It's an imagination feast that feeds my subconscious with wonderful ideas. Sometimes they're useful, sometimes they're entertaining, but almost every time they are just awesome.

As long as I don't get a song stuck in my head before I hit the hay... then it's crazy time...

Drawing bogans

2010-05-09T03:45:00.001-07:00

Just nutting out some Bogan designs for Chooken, this isn't really a design for any one character in particular, more just trying to get a feel for how I want to portray the general Australian public. In this case of course, it's fat, disgusting and with a witty cap.

I love my Smammet

2010-05-08T20:46:00.000-07:00

In a very special "I like stuff" post, I feel like there could be no better day than today (Mother's day) to say how much I love my Smammet. Where would we be without our Smammets? They raise us from an egg, nurture us through for years and years before paying for our education and supporting us until we're ready to leave the nest. A Smammets love can go a long way towards enriching your life and making those first 18 odd years alot easier. Sure, alot of people go through that "you don't understand me" patch, but after you hit your mid 20's and grow up a bit, you'll realise your Smammet was always there for you. Mine was anyway :)

I love my Smammet, happy Smammets day!

I like dark chocolate

2010-05-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

Milk chocolate is okay, and good for a quick sugar fix, but dark chocolate is where it's at baby! Besides the fact that it's not as bad for you as milk chocolate, dark chocolate just has a stronger chocolatey taste, so you don't need to eat as much of it, or as often. You can savour it, and the stronger it is, the longer the taste lasts (except that 80% stuff, that's too much). If you haven't tried Max Brenners thick Italian dark hot chocolate, you don't know what you're missing out on!

I like heights

2010-05-06T01:15:00.000-07:00

Scared of other drivers, shit scared of spiders, and I can't stand walking the streets at night, but give me a 50 storey window to lean out of and I'll be having the time of my life. I don't know why, but as much of a pansy as I can be, heights have never bothered me. I'll have the time of my life hanging out of an amusement park ride, and unless it really goes all out, I can even become quite bored. I love the window seat on a plane, I'll spend the entire flight just staring outside at the clouds. I've yet to go skydiving but I can't wait to try it (my only fear there lies with the parachute and my ability to break anything I touch).

It's not just that heights don't bother me, but I will go out of my way to see the ground from the highest possible vantage point, it's just plain fun. Next stop... SPACE!!!

I like dismantling things

2010-05-05T02:54:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but ever since I can remember, I've had this urge to pull things apart and see how they work. I can't blindly accept that things just do stuff, I have to know how and why. It could be anything from a wind-up toy to a complicated computer, I just can't help but pull them apart and mess about with the innards. I couldn't even drive a car properly (okay so I'm still hopeless but better than I was) until I had the driving instructor tell me how an engine actually works, and what happens inside when I change gears. Pulleys, cranks, gears, motherboards, bits and bobs, I wont rest until I've pulled apart thier casing and seen the sweet sweet insides. Call it a thirst for knowledge, or just plain curiosity, but I simply must know how stuff works...

Thank god I never became a doctor.

I like water

2010-05-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

I can't swim for donkeys nuts, but I could spend hours just mucking about in the water. I don't surf, I can't dive and I have to hold my nose when I put my head under water, but none of this stops me from jumping in and just stuffing about. It feels awesome, it's fun, and relaxing. I could spend hour just lying in the bathtub, or bobbing around in a pool. Water is the bomb diggity!

I like house parties

2010-05-03T02:20:00.000-07:00

Going to the pub is fun if you wanna hang out in a new setting and meet new people, and hitting the clubs is great if you wanna dance like a dickhead and consume copious amounts of overpriced girly drinks, but there's something I like more than both of those situations. House parties!

House parties are awesome (provided nothing expensive gets broken and you don't have to hide any bodies the next morning) and are easily the most fun you can legally have drinking with mates. Every room is it's own party, as people gravitate towards the tv, the stereo, the kitchen, or outside, and set up base camp. There's no pressure to look cool, pick up, or worry about funds, you can just kick back and do whatever you want. Drinking games, movies, dangerous activities outside, and whatever music you want (until the cops tell you to turn it down).

For about a 10th of what it would cost to go out, you can pick up a slab of beer, a bottle of spirits, or have everyone chip in and just mix one big batch of whatever. Not to mention the pizza run, mountains of bags of chips, and that 3am rummage through the fridge to see what else your drunken arse can fry up.

House parties freaking rock!

I like Dr Pepper

2010-05-01T23:38:00.000-07:00

Let's start this thing off nice and simple. Dr Pepper is sweet sweet nectar to me, and few others in Australia. Unfortunately, when it was released back in the 90's here, the Australian public didn't take too kindly to it, referring to it as tasting like medicine, and they stopped making it here. Now, if I want a can of this most delicious of beverages, I have to pay upwards of $3.50 for a small can imported from America, but it's sooooo worth it! Call me crazy, but when I was a kid, I loved the taste of medicine, so it makes sense that Dr Pepper dances on my tastebuds and fills my mouth with sugary awesomeness. What makes this even stranger is that I really don't like Coke, or many other sugary fizzy drinks, but Dr Pepper (possibly the sweetest drink there is) just does it for me.

It's also the greatest mixer drink there is, just mix it with Bacardi and you'll see what I mean.

Get out of the bloody rain!!!

2010-04-28T20:11:00.000-07:00

You know what ticks me off in movies and tv shows? People who walk slowly, or stand still in the god damn rain. It looks perfectly natural to the average movie goer I'm sure, as we see this all the time on screen, but NOBODY does this in real life. No matter how depressed or sad you are, no-one willingly stands in the rain, fully clothed, especially when it's bucketing down. It's cold, unpleasant and most of all, avoidable. I know it's supposed to look dramatic, but when it starts pouring, nothing else matters, I run, other people run too, it's the normal reaction to cold water soaking your clothes and giving you hypothermia! GET OUT OF THE RAIN YOU BLOODY IDIOTS!!!!

Stuff I Like Month, Coming Soon!!!

2010-04-27T14:47:00.000-07:00

Alot of people tell me that I complain too much, and that I don't like anything. Every other movie review is me tearing a film apart, I get easily frustrated with video games, every new band sucks, and I hate alot of foods (salad is for rabbits). Next month however, I will be making a new post every day listing things that I like. For one whole month, the world will be a happy and shiny place to me as I recall all the things in this world that give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

So hold onto your jock-straps and meatflaps everyone, May shall now be known as "Stuff I Like" month...

More Movie Reviews - April 2010

2010-04-27T00:30:00.000-07:00

Whip It

Drew Barrymore's directorial debut is a well meaning, if terribly cliched and predictable effort that survives more on the strength of it's actors than her direction. The idea isn't exactly fresh, a teenager (Ellen Page) who is constantly being pressured to be the kind of girl her mother wants her to be, rebels and joins a roller derby team, and ends up finding meaning in her life. Along the way there are the typical ups and downs, dramas, heartwarming/heartbreaking family moments and been-there-done-that sporting movie cliches.

Barrymore can never decide if she wants to make a sports-comedy, or an indie flick (a genre which Ellen Page seems destined to be stuck in for a while) and as a result the whole thing feels muddled. While it is enjoyable to watch chicks decking eachother in the sport of roller derby (one of the films main drawcards given that even I wasn't sure what it was) the family storyline is so overdone and cliched that it's painful to watch at times. Page, along with Kristen Wiig, Juliet Lewis, and Alia Shawkat keep the proceedings afloat with colourful characters that are a joy to be around. Faring less well is the majority of the rest of the cast, reduced to stock characters who are simply there to push everything along.

By no means is Whip It a bad movie, it's still just a generic sports movie disguised as an indie chick flick.

5/10

The Informant

Matt Damon, any doubts I had about you being a brilliant actor have been put to rest after seeing your portrayal of Mark Whitacre in the Informant. You own this movie and should be out there trying even more diverse roles (you've been playing Jason Bourne for too long). Besides Damon there is obviously alot more about this movie that makes it so good, not the least of which is the absurd, but true story of a man who managed to fool the FBI for years and keep so many things secret about himself. Mark Whitacre is a man who can't seem to keep his story straight, after coming to the FBI with a secret about the company he works for, he ends up becoming a willing (albeit rather useless) informant. Things are not as they seem though (I wont spoil anything) as Whitacre begins revealing more and more about his job to the FBI.

Shattered Glass is a movie that springs to mind while watching The Informant, both films tell the story of a man who just seems to bury himself deeper and deeper with every lie he tells. Both films are also true stories, which is ultimately what makes everything so fascinating, that people are able to act this way and get drawn into such ridiculous situations, and most of the time they're under the impression that they are in the right. If I had to nitpick, my only problem with the movie would be Steven Sodabergh's strange direction, filling the movie with vibrant colours, music, and fashion from the 1960's, when the film is supposed to be set in the 90's. It's really offputting at times, and almost drags you out of the story, but luckily the feeling wears off quickly when Damon starts stealing the show.

The Informant is a terrific movie with an absurd (yet highly entertaining) story that could have benefited from a bit of restraint on Soderberghs behalf, but otherwise it's a cracker of a film.

8/10

Jennifer's Body

If it weren't for the fact that Diablo Cody's name (the writer of Juno) was attached to this movie, I probably would have avoided it. I love a horror/comedy as much as the next weirdo, but this is not a horror/comedy. A horror/comedy requires both humour, and terror, and this film has neither, leading me to believe that either Juno was a fluke, or the director is to blame. Either way, this movie is a train wreck of bad acting, terrible writing, and worst of all, sheer boredom.

The story is simple, Megan Fox (horrendously mis-cast) gets possessed by a demon and has to eat boys to sustain her body. Her BFF finds this out and has to stop her, taking a little time out for some unnecessary lesbianism along the way.

Nothing about this film works. The horror is uninspired and very sparse, the humour is pasted in wherever it will fit instead of being integrated into the story, and the characters are entirely unlikable and forgettable. It's not the worst horror/comedy ever made, but there is no reason to waste your time on this film when there are other directors out there making GOOD horror movies without abusing the star power of miss Fox. Pick up American Werewofl in London, or Ginger Snaps instead.

2/10

More Scribbles - April 21st 2010

2010-04-21T03:15:00.000-07:00

Just another doodle of Burg smashing some guys face in. You know, the usual...

Game to Film, Film to Game - Top 5

2010-04-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

Top 5 Games to Films
This going to be tough. We all know how bad films based on games are, and the fact that there really aren't that many of them just makes it even more difficult to find the diamonds in the rough, but here goes...

5. Dead or Alive
Okay so many people consider this one of the worst movies ever made, and on almost every level I would agree. The storyline is non-existent, the acting is terrible, and there's nothing new or original about it. There is one thing that keeps this film afloat though, fun. I just can't deny that I had a heap of fun watching this mess and no matter how bad it got, it was still somehow enjoyable. Chalk this up to a guilty pleasure.

4. Super Mario Bros
Watch it again, trust me. Everyone has horrible memories of this film when they were a child, how they changed so much from the games, and made the storyline and overall feel much darker. Watching it as an adult I can tell you that something about it just feels right now. They took some liberties sure, but like any adaptation they did it because the source material wouldn't work as a film. Mario Bros has the dubious honour of forever tainting the names of video game movies but in all honesty, it's not that bad. In fact, it's pretty super.

3. Mortal Kombat
It may not have the gore that the games were famous for, but it has the action. Mortal Kombat, the movie, is moronic, campy, and shoddily made by today's standards (actually by 90's standards too) but it was one of the first video game films to just get it right. It expands greatly on the games story and does alot with it's simple premise, filling the screen with likable characters, entertaining action scenes and the common sense not to take itself seriously.

2. Silent Hill
Silent Hill has the honour of not only being a good game-to-film adaptation but being a good film in it's own right. If the game had never existed, this movie would have survived just fine on it's own. It's expertly shot, written and acted, with a sense that the film-makers set out to make a top-notch horror film, not just cash in on the games success and cruise along on autopilot. Silent Hill is scary, gory and an all around awesome movie that deserves to be a horror classic in its own right.

1. Lara Croft - Tomb Raider
In a rare case of throwing more dollars than sense at the screen and coming up with something GOOD, Tomb Raider succeeds where most video-game adaptations fail almost due entirely to its budget. Those precious millions were enough to secure a big name lead, some awesome special effects and amazing set pieces. Call me shallow, but sometimes it's all you want in a movie of this nature. It's a popcorn film through-and-through, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Top 5 Films to Games
Even tougher than finding 5 good movies based on games, is trying to find good games based on movies. I had trouble even coming up with 5, but I knuckled down and found the best of the best.

5. The Lost World - Arcade
That dinosaur shat on me! Yes it deviates a bit from the movie, but arcade shooters don't get much better than this. Blasting the crap out of dinosaurs has never been so much fun! You don't come for the story, you come to shoot some raptors, and try not to get crapped on... that's right, crapped on.

4. Aladdin
This is how you do platformers right. Not only was Aladdin a great movie adaptation, but it was also one of the best platformers ever created. The controls were tight, the levels were fun and imaginative and the bosses were controller-crushingly hard. All the right ingredients for a great game.

3. Chronicles of Riddick
Who would've thought that a game based on a Vin Diesel movie would not only be good, but bring some of the best beat-em-up gameplay to the table as well? This game was all about stealth and fisty cuffs, and when the gloves came off, the fun really started. Equally as engaging whether you were sneaking through dark tunnels, or beating the snot out your fellow inmates, Riddick actually felt original enough to make you forget it was even based on a film.

2. Alien vs Predator 2
While not based on a movie itself, the game combined elements from 2 of the greatest sci-fi baddies around, and churned out not 1, but 3 separate stories that all felt good enough to be worthy of their own games. No matter who you play as, Alien, Predator, or Marine, you'll find a unique, and fun experience that is still just as fun today as it was over a decade ago. Couple that with an awesome, and well balanced multiplayer, and you've got a hell of a game on your hands.

1. Goldeneye
You saw this coming, and that very fact just goes to show how well loved this game is. It did everything right, it was fun and exciting, it served up a multitude of challenges outside of the main game, and it offered the best control scheme of any console shooter to date. Goldeneye used the movie as a springboard and fleshed out the story with ALOT of extra missions not featured in the film, but feel like they should have been part of it. From the opening mission to the climactic chase atop a massive satellite dish, this game was non-stop fun. Goldeneye set the bar for all movie-based games to follow, and to date, no-one has bested it.

More Scribbles - April 20th 2010

2010-04-20T04:38:00.000-07:00

Okay this one's Burg, a character some of you may remember from Chooken. He's gotten a little bit of an overhaul, he's a much more blokey character now. I'm still working on the design, trying to choose between a more stylised look, or a more realistic look (it's only really evident in the arms). Hopefully soon I'll nail the look and have some more action shots of him. Still loving my Wacom :)

Scribbles - April 19th 2010

2010-04-19T04:27:00.001-07:00

I picked up my new Wacom Cintiq 21" a few weeks ago but haven't really had much time to play with it. With any luck (and a bit of perseverance) I should get back into the drawing game soon, as it's been literally years since I've worked on a comic. My drawing skills are very rusty, but here is the first of a few mucking around drawing sessions.

I guess there first thing you'll notice is that I've ditched the smooth flash style that my comics used to have in favour of a more free-hand style. I feel like this new tablet is just the thing to help me ditch Flashes pencil tool and get back to basics. I still like the smooth style Flash offers, but not I can give it a more personal touch. As for the character designs, it's been a long time since I've drawn Donna or Chooken and I'm still trying to nail their designs. You can see on the far left that the style isn't quite right, it's a bit of a weird mixture of straight, angular arms and a more curvy body. I'm going more for the angular look, as seen in the middle picture, but not quite so goofy looking. I'm sure I'll nail it soon, but for now all I can do is practice.

I cannot tell you how awesome this tablet is, it requires no learning period, you just pick it up and go. I can't wait to find more time to just draw like crazy. Oh, and for all you Chooken fans out there, I have finally finished coming up with the rebooted storyline, and will begin writing the first issue soon. Don't worry, he'll be back soon and better than ever.

Movie Reviews - April 2010

2010-04-17T20:06:00.000-07:00

Kick Ass

High Expectations are the mother of all movie killers, and in the case of Kick Ass, a movie I've been following for months, the results are a little less than what I was expecting. Kick Ass follows a teenagers dull and uninteresting life until one day he decides, without any kind of super power or skills, that don a costume and fight crime. It isn't long before the world is obsessed with him, criminals want him dead, and 2 real super heroes (again no powers, but skills to boot) approach him.

The film is violent, funny, witty and full of great characters (the world will be talking about Hit-Girl for a while) but the pacing is what kills it. The film is very slow to get started, and even when it gets going, there are alot of times when things come grinding to a halt. It moves in fits and starts, and wavers between comedy and drama very uneasily. For the most part the film works well, but there are just some glaring moments where the drama goes too far, or a joke isn't quite as clever as it should be, and it gets in the way of what should have been a much smarter and more entertaining movie.

For what it is, it works and still manages to entertain, thanks mostly to Nicholas Cage and Chloe Moretz as the father and daughter team who steal the show, and Mark Strongs terrific villain. It could have been funnier, smarter and wittier, but we'll have to settle for just good.

6/10

Fantastic Mister Fox

Call me crazy, but I just don't get Wes Anderson. I like his movies to a certain degree, but I always feel like I have to fight to like them, enduring the endless dull conversations and dry wit that is his signature style. In the case of Fantastic Mister Fox, I feel like he's finally bitten off more than he can chew, talking a kids story and turning it into something no kids will like, I should know, I love kids movies.

Clooney is, as always, very likable and charismatic as Fox, the ex-thief who promises his wife he'll go straight and start writing a newspaper column. When he slips back into old habits, he puts every creature in his vicinity in danger as 3 very nasty men make it their mission to find and kill him. The story is simple, but even so, Anderson makes it hard to follow as you're constantly wondering what is, and isn't part of the main story.

It's a shame because there is alot to like here, the animation has a real charm about it, and for the most part, the voice acting is terrific. It's all just too dry though, and doesn't suit this type of picture, as characters are constantly cracking adult jokes, barely masquerading as family friendly fun. It all moves much too slowly, and while there are some truly funny scenes, they're just drawn out too long. It's still enjoyable in the end, but like all of his other films, I felt like I had to fight really hard to like it.

5/10

High Fidelity

I haven't seen this movie since it first came out, and I'm glad to say it's just as good now, as it was then. John Cussack stars as Rob Gordon, a record shop owner with a bad history with women, a love of list making, and a desire to find out why he is doomed to be alone. This isn't the only story going on in the film, but since it's mostly character driven, it would take too long to recount all of the events.

The main driving force of the film is Cussacks superb acting (possibly his best), constantly engaging with the audience and forging a love/hate relationship with us. Jack Black also puts his manic acting skills to good use as the comic relief, with a large ensemble of famous, and familiar faces rounding out the rest of the cast. Of particular note is Tim Robbins hilariously smug turn as a Steven Segal-like arsehole who sets off the funniest scene in the movie (I wont spoil it).

I know I'm going to sound like all your movie nerd friends when I say this, but if you haven't seen it, you must. It is without a doubt one of the best movies ever made, it makes you think, feel, cry, and laugh, and all without being overly sentimental or stupid. Why are you still reading this?... WATCH IT!!!

10/10

Fuck Activision

2010-04-14T19:59:00.000-07:00

These guys seem to be doing everything in their power to piss off the gaming world, perhaps in an effort to one-up EA, and now things have hit a little too close to home for me. After all the bullshit they pulled with Infinity Ward recently, they've ruffled allot of feathers, and they don't seem content with stopping there, choosing to go on a budget cutting rampage and closing down studios left right and centre. One of these studios happened to be Red Octane, and if you know anything about me at all, it's that axing the guys who pretty much invented guitar hero is a knife in the back to me.

To the uninitiated, Red Octane are a peripheral-based company that went to Harmonix and turned them into a hugely successful company by asking them to create Guitar Hero. Octane would handle the instruments and Hamonix would handle the game, it was a match made in heaven. After the critically acclaimed Guitar Hero 2, Activision bought Red Octane and hired Tony Hawk creators Neversoft to make the Guitar Hero games, while MTV bought Harmonix, who went on to create Rock Band. It was almost immediately obvious that Red Octane and Harmonix should have stayed together, as the Guitar Hero games went downhill, the instruments got better, while Rock Band was Harmonix's best game yet, their instruments got worse.

Activision, realising the now huge fanbase that Guitar Hero games had, decided to flood the market with as many titles as possible, a hugely moronic mistake, as over time this would put everybody off buying them. With stores becoming frustrated by the huge number of SKU's (25 in total) Activision had essentially put everyone off one of their most popular products, while Harmonix did the smart thing and stuck to one game a year, instead choosing to update their song library.

So what does Activision choose to do after making such a huge cock up? Shut down the studio that was the only good thing keeping Guitar Hero afloat. As I said before, the games got progressively worse while the equipment and technology got better, so instead of shutting down the dimwits at Neversoft (who have done nothing good in over a decade, instead choosing to rape their own flagship product, Tony Hawk, to death) they chose to hit Red Octane instead. Who the fuck do they think they are? It's not Red Octanes fault that people got sick of the games, if Activision and Neversoft had slowed down a bit and focused on quality over quantity, they would have been alright.

Instead they chose to pick on the little guy that had the balls to create Guitar Hero in the first place. Harmonix, you did the right thing going with MTV games, I just hope you can keep this good thing going and deliver more quality products (okay Lego Rock Band aside), instead of flooding the market with crap and blaming someone else for your mistakes.

Movie Reviews - March 2010

2010-03-24T16:19:00.000-07:00

Damage

The very definition of by-the-book, Damage follows Steve Austins life after his release from prison, and subsequent forays into underground fighting. Spurred by his victims widow, he must raise enough money to save a little girls life and get his new friends out of debt. It's all been done before, and Austin barely even tries to act outside of his wrestling range, but the supporting actors all do their best to keep the whole thing from sinking. Walton Goggins in particular is always a welcome sight, and gives the film it's only 3-dimensional character.

The fight scenes are well done, if cliched (good guy gets his arse handed to him for the first half, then makes a miraculous comeback, rinse, repeat) and Austin is a formidable presence when he lets his fists do all the talking. Not unwatchable, but nothing special, rent it if you have nothing else to watch.

4/10

Training Day

The film that made Denzel Washington branch out into more adventurous roles, also happens to be one of the few dirty cop movies that still feels fresh. Washington takes newbie Narc Ethan Hawke on a trip around his city to show him how things are done, what Hawk wasn't counting on is how many rules he'll have to bend to stay alive on these streets. It's not long though before he realises that the most dangerous person is the one teaching him.

Sure, dirty cop movies are a dime-a-dozen, but Washingtons performance owns this movie and turns it into something original and thoroughly entertaining. It may be a bit hard to follow until all the pieces fall into place but it builds up to a knuckle biting finale that draws out the tension like few other films can. Hawke is equally as good as the new guy who tries his hardest to learn from his peer, but can't shake the feeling that something is up.

A few cliches and confusing scenes aside, this is a terrific movie that ramps up the tension slowly and builds towards an explosive climax. Almost every performance is worthy of praise, and the city itself has never looked worse (in a good way).

8/10

Gamer

When the creators of Crank get behind the camera, you know you're in for an adrenaline rush, and for a while, Gamer doesn't disappoint. It's that same old story, prisoners on death row are given a shot at freedom if they compete in a futuristic tv show, killing eachother for the worlds entertainment. The gimmick here is that all of the inmates are controlled by gamers, who care more about winning than the lives they are snuffing out. When the ranking champion (Gerald Butler) finds out the last round is rigged so that he cannot win, he plans his escape and begins the search for his wife on the outside.

For the first half of the movie, Gamer is clearly a Crank-esque affair, with fast moving cameras, non-sensical scenes of excess, and brutal violence. It's here that the film really shines, even if we've seen it all before through the eyes of a different director. The problem is, once Butler escapes (only halfway through the film), things slow to a crawl. It's not until the very end, when Micheal C Hall's scene stealing villain shows up, that things get interesting again, but by this point it's too little, too late.

It may be a rush when it's happening, but Gamer leaves little to no lasting impression once the credits role. For all of it's flash, there's no real substance and not an original idea to be seen anywhere. Couple that with a lackluster second half and you've got a failure on your hands. Not a complete failure, there is some enjoyment to be had during the first and last 20 minutes, but not enough to save the movie.

4/10

Law Abiding Citizen

If the trailer was anything to go by, I'm lucky I even bothered to watch this at all. Don't be fooled though, there is alot more here than most revenge flicks, and it all starts with that familiar scenario, the home invasion. After Garald Butlers wife and daughter are killed by two burglars, he is shocked to find that only one will receive the death penalty, while the other will serve a minimum sentence and then be set free. Displeased with the way the system works, Butler bides his time (10 years in fact) and then sets out to extract his revenge on not only his family's killer, but all of the people who failed to dish out the justice he deserved 10 years ago. The twist is though, that after his first kill, all of this is done from behind bars, and it's up to Jamie Foxx (the man who failed Butler in the first place) to figure out how and put a stop to it.

While it may borrow a few ideas from other revenge flicks, Law Abiding Citizen has enough original ones to keep it afloat. Butler gives a better performance than usual as the distraught father, turned cold blooded killer, and Foxx does his usual thing, no more, no less (how this guy keeps getting work is beyond me, he's like a black Mark Ruffalo). The violence is fairly restrained, and there's not alot of action to speak of, but the story is strong enough to sustain your interest throughout. The only thing that kills the movie , is the rather predictable and safe ending. It's a real shame to see a movie take risks throughout and end with such a cop-out ending instead of trying something more daring.

If you want an above average revenge flick, then this is for you, it's just a pity it didn't take more risks with its climax.

7/10

The Collector

I knew from the fact that the writers of the Saw sequels were involved with this, that it would be an awful movie, but I was not prepared for how bad it truly was. What sounds like an original premise, a man tries to rob a house only to find a serial killer is already inside torturing a family, quickly turns into standard torture porn as the burglar tries to escape the ludicrously booby-trapped house. It's like if Kevin from Home Alone lost his marbles and wanted Joe Pesci to really suffer.

You can expect the usual garbage here, ridiculous traps that couldn't possibly be set up in the amount of time this film allows, an unstoppable killer with a stupid motive, and a main character who is so unbelievably thick you just want him to die. There is no-one to sympathise with, nothing to care about, and no escape from the sheer boredom.

File this under a complete waste of time. No original ideas, no plot, and not a single character to give a hoot about. Utter garbage.

0/10

Toilet Etiquitte

2010-03-15T00:25:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how little people respect the one place we ALL have to go at some point during the day. I've seen alot of horrific things in toilets over the years and I always ask myself the same question...

Is it too much to ask that you treat every toilet as if it were your very own?

On a scale of respect to neglect, here's how they stack up.

The Home Owners Toilet

You treat it like everything else you paid good money for. You clean it, make sure it smells nice and always scrub or piss the feces off the bowl when you see it. It is a treasured piece of porcelain and you'd much rather spend your time in there reading a magazine than worrying about what you might catch off the seat.

The Renters Toilet

Clean it every so often, even if it's just for show and all you've down is spray a little Ajax on there and wiped away the brown marks every month. You can handle the germs as long as it's not too nasty.

The Share House Toilet

It's someones job to clean it, but it's never your turn. Usually the most anal member of the house will give up, after weeks of pestering you to clean the crap off the bowl, and clean it themselves. You just don't seem to care how bad it gets, just keep a can of air freshener in there and give it a spray when it gets to bad, then hold your nose and go. You always know someone will clean it when it becomes unusable, but until that point, it stays a festering wasteland.

The Work Toilet

It's the janitors job to clean it, you can do whatever you want, within reason. You know you have to go back in there, you know your workmates know when you've been in there, so you can't go crazy. You leave toilet paper all over the floor, miss the bowl, and clog the drains, but nothing too outloandish. The handicapped toilet is royalty though, no-one fucks with it, and in return it is always there for you to enjoy. Pity there's only one, and when it's taken, it's off to the cubicles with you...

The Pub Toilet

Now you're in for some fun, don't sit on it, watch where you stand and whatever you do, check for paper before you go. Drunk people have no respect for the pub toilet, they will piss and shit everywhere, clog the bowl with everything they can find, and write whatever insane crap comes to mind all over the walls. If you're lucky, you'll only need to urinate in a pub toilet, all that beer running straight through you. Heaven forbid though, that you ever need to use the cubicle.

The Night Club Toilet

This is where shit gets really hairy, the only thing worse than drunk adults, are drunk 18 year olds. You guys have just discovered the joys of drinking, and unfortunately everything that comes after it. You will use the night club toilet for your own personal amusement, stuffing beer bottles in the bowl, seeing how far you can piss up the wall, and how much puke you can actually get where you want it to go. The night club toilet is one of the worst offenders as far as smell goes, that nostril burning stench of vomit is always present, no cleaning product on the planet can remove the smell of hundreds of teenagers stomach contents, so it's just left to assault the sense of anyone unlucky enough to walk in there sober and still have a sense of smell.

The Metal/Punk Cub Toilet

Unusable, every bowl has been smashed to pieces. You are drunk, moronic caveman who is fueled by rage after just hearing your new favourite thrash metal band sing about cutting a baby's head off and raping its neck hole. You enter the toilets, and proceed to destroy everything in sight. For those of you actually wanting to use said toilets, you either shit your pants, or try to squat over the jagged shards that used to be a bowl, and aim for the hole. If you miss, who gives a toss, the place is fucking trashed, a bit of shit on the floor isn't going to make matters much worse.

The Public Toilet

I'm not talking about the ones at your local shopping centre or Myers, I'm talking about the last resort of toilets. The train station, beach, or inner city toilets that nobody would never willingly enter unless they had absolutely no other alternative. I do not know who you are, but you are the worst of the worst, you treat the toilet like it murdered and sodomized your parents on your dead child's grave. You will not only shit on the floor, but you will (and how this is possible is beyond me) somehow get it up the walls, and on the ceiling if you're feeling like an extra challenge. You will piss everywhere but the bowl, and you will drop all of your used needles and prophylactics on the ground just for the hell of it. This isn't a bar though, chances are you're not drunk, your just an arsehole with no respect for public property and no compassion for the other people who really need to use these toilets and might actually treat them with respect, if you hadn't already demolished them. Think about the poor guy whose job it is to clean these toilets, put yourself in their shoes before you do your business.

Is it too much to ask that, whoever you are, you treat all toilets as if they were your own and you might be the next person who has to use it. It's not difficult, sit on the seat, aim for the big hole, and if you need to spew, put your head over the bowl. You're perfectly capable of doing it right in your own home, so why is it so hard once you leave you house?

Do unto others toilets, as you would have them do unto yours.

Dead Space Game Review

2010-03-09T23:54:00.000-08:00

It's a fact, if you build a really scary looking ship, aliens will take over it and make it their new home. You're practically inviting them in by painting the walls the most depressing shade of grey and dimming all the lights so you can barely see where you're going without tripping over your own intestines. Yep, if you build it... they will come.

Said ship just happens to be the main setting of the game Dead Space, a survival horror game that, like many before it, aims to scare the pants off you. The storyline is fairly familiar, a large mining ship (the Ishamura) sets off to the far reaches of space with hundreds of people in board and loses contact with Earth. Enter Issac Clarke, an engineer, and his 2 mates sent to investigate and find out what went wrong. By this point any avid movie goer would instantly recognise that a ship with no life signs and no signal might as well have a great big sign saying "everyone's dead, go home", but the gang decides to head on in anyway and make themselves at home. Once aboard, they discover the ships crew has been turned into creatures dubbed "Necromorphs" that would love nothing more than to chomp on your flesh.

The progression through the story is also well trodden, once you realise everything is royally screwed you try to make your way off the ship but there are alot of obstacles in your path. Being an engineer it makes sense that your ship mates leave you, in your heavy armour, you solve all the problems while they cower in the corner making the occasional video call. Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong, and you'll be fixing everything on the ship from satellites to turrets in an effort to survive for as long as possible. The story take a sharp turn though, once you discover that the Church of Unitology (think of it as Dead Space's answer to Scientology) is aboard the ship and brought an alien artifact aboard, which they believe to be divine, but in reality it unleashed this plague in the first place.

Dead Space's story is probably it's weakest point, while it has some interesting ideas later on, a large bulk of it is told through Bioshock style voice recordings and text logs, which you will probably end up skipping because they just slow everything down too much. The progression can feel a little "oh what now" at times, as you're forced to fix something else not 2 seconds after you thought you were finally done fixing everything. There's also a side story involving Issac's girlfriend who was aboard the Ishamura and may still be aboard, but the resolution is so predictable and her presence is so infrequent that I just couldn't seem to care. Couple that with the fact that Issac never speaks and doesn't react in any way when she shows up, it just doesn't work when you're supposed to feel for the guy and you never see him emote. I know it may make it easier for the player to inhabit a non-speaking character but the developers should have chosen one or the other, either let him speak, or drop the girlfriend scenario.

Where the game really shines is in the gameplay, I've never play a game quite like it. The combat is based purely around dismembering the limbs of the Necromorphs, cutting the head off simply wont do it, you have to cut almost everything off to put them down for good. This forces you to aim more carefully and conserve you ammo by hitting their key weak spots, such as taking out the legs first to slow them down then removing to stop them attacking. In a hectic fight you may find yourself just randomly firing in every direction, hoping to hit something, but more often than not you'll back away from an enemy and take your time aiming. Like Bioshock, ammo can be scarce at times, and being conservative with it is key to surviving the game, you will want to think things through before wasting an entire clip on one enemy. The only time things can get really frustrating is when certain enemies use really cheap attacks that knock you off your feet, and there's nothing you can do about it, leaving you open for further attacks. It's annoying as hell, when will developers learn that kamikaze exploding enemies are the the more aggravating things in existence?

Every weapon can be upgraded to improve damage, clip size, and accuracy. The problem is, the "nodes" you need to upgrade weapons are quite rare and expensive to buy, so you will not be able to upgrade everything on the first play through. This just adds to the tension, as you're constantly trying to justify every single upgrade you make, and thinking about what weapon you need to be more powerful. While there is one weapon that is severely overpowered and most people will favour it over everything else, I found it more satisfying to stick with the gun I started the game with. In the long run, you just have to pray you picked the right weapons to jazz up.

The level design in Dead Space leaves a little to be desired. While there is some variety, you'll be seeing allot of the same brown/grey corridors as you progress through the ship. It's not necessarily a bad thing, as I wasn't expecting a Mario-style assortment of fire, water and sand levels, but the game could have used a little more imagination. It does add to the feeling of hopelessness quite well though, as you trudge through more and more dark rooms and busted up sections of the ship, you can feel yourself becoming desperate to get off this hunk of junk. There are a few real gems scattered throughout the game though, including a bizarre zero-gravity fight with an enormous boss, and the scariest part of the whole ship, which happens to be a creepy white, brightly lit area with minimal sound and a odd sense of calm which soon turns to dread.

Dead Space's scares may be a little cheap at times, the jumpy noises and sudden shocks, but there's no denying the fact that I was always dreading what was around the next corner. The shrill shrieks of certain Necromorphs, the silent attacks in zero-gravity, and the fact that any air vent can be used as an entrance for them which will have you checking them every time. Couple this with the fact that Issac has a very slow turning circle and sluggish melee attacks, and you'll be feeling truly outnumbered and underpowered the whole time, giving the game a sense of realism few others have. Not only that, but the complete lack of a hud (Issacs health is shown on a series of lights running up his spine, and ammo is presented on the guns) and you've got an immersive experience that'll have you wanting to play at night with the lights off just to scare you even more.

The graphics here are more serviceable than outstanding. They look great, but the game is more about atmosphere and mood than trying to show off amazing technical feats. All of the hard work shows in the immersiveness of the game, so you believe what you're seeing but are never amazed, because that's not what the game is about. The Necromorphs are revolting and frightening creations that run awkwardly and shimmer with the blood and guts that make up their bodies, while they may appear a little jagged at times, you'll rarely be stopping to look at them for too long. The real work here has gone into the soundtrack, made up of blood curdling screams and horrific sounds that emanate from not only the creatures, but the ship itself. It all comes together to create a frightening package.

For a new IP, Dead Space is an amazing title that already has me playing it a second time through. The story may be a re-hash of allot of horror films and games, the gameplay more than makes up for its shortcomings. The combat is unique and very well implemented, the atmosphere is terrifying and the Necromorphs are the stuff of nightmares. There's no denying that the game could be tighter though, there are a few sections where you will get sick of fixing the ship, some of the scares feel cheap and doom 3-ish, and the conclusion of the story makes no sense whatsoever. For the most part though you'll be too scared to even notice and more concerned with how much ammo you have left than the bigger picture. With a sequel on the way hopefully we can see some improvements in the weaker areas to make this series a force to be reckoned with, but for now I'm quite happy to shut off the lights and make my way through the Ishamura again.

8.5/10

Movie Reviews - Feb 2010

2010-03-07T03:21:00.001-08:00

Revolutionary Road

What may look like every girls dream movie, the re-pairing of Titanic's Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslett, is actually a phenomenally depressing tale of suburban married life. At first they are willing to buy into the American dream life in the 1950's, a nice house with kids and a stable job. But before long, the couple are itching to break free from the grind and move to Paris, until every imaginable roadblock gets thrown in their path, and their lives spiral downwards.

This is not a romance flick, it's a truly sad and miserable tale of a doomed marriage that engrosses the viewer in 1950's suburbia and shows the dark (and more realistic) side of life that everyone tried to hide. It's an engrossing tale that keeps you invested in the characters lives the whole way through, occasionally giving you a brief glimpse of happiness before reality sets in once more. DiCaprio and Winslett are in fine form as usual but the real standout here is the show stealing Micheal Shannon as the mentally unstable guest in their home for a few brief scenes, the only person willing to say what everyone else is thinking.

If you can handle the depressing nature of the proceedings, you'll be rewarded with an excellent story, standout performances and a movie you wont soon forget.

9/10

Hider in the House

The greatest comedy ever made!

Oh wait, it's a thriller? Well shit, what can I say? Gary Busey delivers yet another creepy performance as the batshit-crazy hider that the title refers to, recently released from a mental hospital after burning his parents to death for the years of of torment they put him throw as a child. It's not long before he seeks out a new family and camps out in their attic, without their knowledge, and tries to integrate himself into their lives. It's the typical 80's thriller, with the villain slowly tormenting a nice family before building towards a ludicrous climax.

Busey is... well he's Busey, flashing those chompers of his and raising a laugh out of almost every situation with his crazed antics. It may not have been the intention of the director, but the movie is funny as hell and impossible to take seriously. It may have worked better in the 80's, before Busey became a complete joke, but it's impossible to watch today without giggling at everything he says. The idea itself is creepy but it's all handled so badly that nothing can be taken seriously, right down to the he's-not-really-dead climactic fight. Special mention must go to Bruce Glover for playing the CREEPIEST neighbour I've ever seen in a movie.

Only worth it for die hard Gary Busey fans, who will get a good laugh out of it. Everyone else will just cringe at how stupid it is.

3/10

The Brave One

Jodie Foster deserves all the credit for this because without her, this would have been just another revenge flick. Foster livens up what is an otherwise predictable story, a happy couple takes one too many longing stares at eachother before entering a dark tunnel populated by violent minorities. Foster survives the attack but her fiance doesn't, causing her to become increasingly paranoid about her surroundings until she decides the best course of action is to take the law into her own hands.

What starts off as an intriguing look at her characters paranoia soon loses it's impact when the viewer is forced to accept the fact that everyone is just a cunt and out to hurt her. It's all a bit up and down as things don't really get interesting again until later on when Fosters character begins actively seeking out trouble just as an excuse to punish bad guys, but then wuss out towards the end a truly cop out climax.

The film has some moments of brilliance but for the most part it's pretty average revenge movie stuff only made better by Jodie Fosters reliable acting.

6/10

Braveheart

How have I not seen the one before? Mel Gibson's epic is everything that this sort of movie should be, big, bold and bloody as hell. William Wallace is one angry Scotsman, and after the English push his people around one too many times (the last straw being the death of his wife for refuses the English soldiers advances) he rallies to kilt wearing reds to fight back. What starts off as simply taking back his village soon becomes an all out war as the underdogs defy all odds and show the Poms that they wont be pushed around anymore.

This is where the modern epic began, although with the lack of CGI the large scale battles may not be as epic as they were in real life, the use of massive numbers of real actors lends a tremendous weight to the action scenes. It's brutal as hell and pulls no punches in terms of the horrific nature of these sorts of fights, when large numbers of soldiers come crashing together it's just a bloody, and wonderful mess. Gibson's passion really shows in both his acting and directing as not a single frame of film is wasted, every minute has a purpose and it never drags. He may have taken allot of liberties with historical accuracy, but in the end that's just how these things work, great true stories don't always translate well into film and sometimes the facts have to be skewed to keep the story entertaining.

Braveheart is THE epic film that so many others aspire to be, but still hasn't been beaten in terms of pure brutal action and troop rallying speeches. He may be a whacko, but Mel Gibson knows how to make a good film.

10/10

Funny People

I'm not quite sure what it is about Judd Apatow's movies that people love so much, every one of them I've seen has left me feeling underwhelmed. I'm not saying his movies are bad though, just not the masterpieces of comedy that everyone makes them out to be, mainly due to a good idea being drawn out to extreme lengths and crammed with far too much melodrama. This time the hopeless loser is played by Adam Sandler, taking on the role of an aging comedian who discovers he has a deadly disease and decides to take a young, struggling comic under his wing before he goes.

Funny People definitely has some golden moments, the hilarious doctors office scenes and several stand up routines, but the real gem of the piece doesn't come until the end, Eric Bana's show stealing Australian, now married to Sandlers ex-wife. It's such a shame, as usual, that what should have been an interesting character driven comedy with a realistic side, is stretched to EXCRUCIATING lengths and drowned in melodrama. Apatow really needs someone to tell him when to stop, the constant use of the same actors, including his wife, and overlong run times make his films feel much more lifeless and tired than they should be.

The ideas present here are good, and there are some laughs to be had. but they're few and far between. Sandler's performance is one of his best in years, and Bana steals every scene he's in, but they're surrounded by the Apatow veterans such as Seth Rogan and Leslie Mann who seem to be just playing the same characters in every film. It's a pity, there's a lot to love in here but it needed a much tighter run time, a few more chances taken with the casting and allot loss drama.

5/10

Inglorious Basterds

After years of absolute turds (Kill Bill 1 and 2 were unwatchable homage fests that bored me to tears) Tarantino seems to be getting his A-game back. Death Proof had one of the best car chases ever, and if it wasn't for the overlong talky scenes he's famous for, it would have been a genre masterpiece, and now Inglorious Basterds shows us a new direction for QT, and it's a blast. Set in German-occupied France during WW2, the story follows multiple characters through short chapters, all building up towards one combined climax that shouldn't disappoint anyone (except history buffs). Brad Pitt and his titular Basterds are out to scalp some Nazi's, Melanie Laurent is out to avenge her families death at the hands of the charming and true star of the film Christoph Waltz, and everyone else is just along for the ride.

Stylistically more restrained and much less violent than usual, Basterds still features the witty rhetoric that the man is known for, only this time it's much more interesting and features a much tighter story progression with a clear goal. Kill the Fuhrer and enjoy scalping a few Nazi's along the way. As the stories intertwine you can't take your eyes off the screen for a second, whether it be the tense conversations stalling for time until the eventual bloodshed, or Waltz's award worthy performance as the villainous, but oh so charming Jew hunter Hans Lander. It all fits so well together and, history be damned, builds towards a hugely satisfying conclusion.

It's funny, violent, charming, witty, and perfectly paced from start to finish. It may just be Quentin Tarantinos best film yet, and one of the best films of 2009. It's nice to see the man back on track.

10/10

Lethal Weapon Quadrilogy - Movie Review

2010-03-06T20:55:00.000-08:00

If you've seen one Lethal Weapon movie, you've pretty much seen all of them. Mel Gibson and Danny Glover play the odd couple with guns and badges, spending just as much time fighting bad guys as they do bickering with eachother like an old married couple.

In every film the basic plotline is, Gibson and Glover somehow stumble across bad guys doing something... bad, bad guys go after them and their families, destroy Glover's house in some way, Gibson gets angry, bad guys end up dead. It's a pretty safe formula but Lethal Weapon has the distinction of coming up with it in the first place, or at least making it incredibly popular, as evidenced by the countless imitations.

The strength of the series lies in the relationship between Gibson and Glover's characters, providing heaps of laughs and one liners, and always arguing even during hectic firefights. It keeps the whole thing incredibly entertaining and makes for one of the best partnerships in buddy-cop movie history. The action is also hugely entertaining in almost every entry in the series, ranging from fisticuffs to demolishing entire buildings, nothing is safe from the chaos that follows the guys around.

The main weakness of the series is repetition. As it progress, the Lethal Weapon saga plays it safe and pretty much follows the same plot lines each time, introducing a new character here and there. That's not to say it's boring, the formula works and always manages to entertain, but it just left me wishing they'd try something new every so often. It does bring a sense of comfort to the proceedings though, as you really feel like you're getting to know these guys, and their friends and family after a while, mainly because the films focus equally on the work and home lives of the lead duo.

If there is one major problem I had to point out with the series, it's that the motives of the villains are NEVER very clear. In every film you're pretty much just along for the ride, accepting the fact that Gibson and Glover are after the bad guys for some reason, and the bad guys don't want cops following them. It's never until the climax that the story becomes clear, and even then, in some cases, you're still left scratching your head and wondering what happened. It's a credit to the series though that you never really notice until after the movie is over, the action and antics of Gibson and Glover carry the films along at a brisk pace and ensure you're entertained no matter what.

things to the tableIn terms of how the films tack up against eachother, each movie seems to bring good and bad. The first film deserves the credit for setting everything up, and spends a long time getting to know the characters and the least time on the story. It's also much more serious than the sequels and features some truly startling moments for a buddy-cop flick. The second film amps up the action and comedy a bit more, but makes a bit of a mess of the villains motives, leaving the storyline a little unclear until the end. Being a series that focuses mainly on the lead characters lives, and less on the villains, this makes the first and second film the best of the lot for different reasons.

The third film is where things get repetitive and story really fails, but it features some of the best action, the most lively villain, and the excellent inclusion of Rene Russo as Gibsons love interest, and equal. The forth is the worst of the bunch, introducing even more characters, flooding the story a little too much and ultimately feeling worn out. It's still a great action film though, and seeing everyone together again 6 years later isn't a bad thing, it's just a bit unnecessary, and Jet Li is sadly the most boring villain the series has had.

Overall the series is great, even though it gets repetitive towards the end, Mel Gibson and Danny Glover's pairing is always fun to watch and the action scenes throughout are always thrilling. Lethal Weapon is the epitome of 80's urban action films, and although it's often imitated, it's rarely topped.

Long live the mighty mullet.

Lethal Weapon - 9/10

Lethal Weapon 2 - 9/10

Lethal Weapon 3 - 7/10

Lethal Weapon 4 - 6/10

The Walking Dead: Compendium One - Comic Review

2010-02-26T23:29:00.000-08:00

I can't even remember the last time I read a comic, there's so much crap out there, it's impossible to know where to start. How the hell am I supposed to know which x-men series to follow, or where the hell to start from? There's at least 50 different variations on any of the popular series, Batman, Superman, Spiderman, it's just daunting for a newbie like me. I like my comics simple, one storyline, the same writers and artists all the way through, and a clear beginning, middle, and end. Maybe it's why I'm more inclined to read graphic novels than comics, so when a mate of mine handed me the first few issues of the Walking Dead, a sort of cross between both comic AND graphic novel, I thought I'd give it a go. He told me that it was one of the series that got him back into comics, maybe it'd do the same for me.

The Walking Dead is hardly an original idea, a group of survivors of a zombie Apocalypse band together in the hopes of either finding rescue, or starting a new society. They soon discover that their worst enemies are not the zombies, but eachother. As with all of the best Zombie movies, the undead themselves are merely a backdrop for the real story, as we see what humans do when faced with such a horrifying situation. Sure, there's a ton of zombie killing, but The Walking Dead works best when it starts exploring how these characters cope when they realise the world, and the rules, they used to know are all gone.

The unique thing about The Walking Dead is that, unlike a zombie movie or graphic novel, there is no end in sight, it utilises the lose nature of serialized comics to give the storyline a more realistic tone. You can never tell what is going to happen next, which characters will be killed off, how long the group will stay in any one location or what danger is lurking around the next corner. According to writer Robert Kirkman, there is no ending planned and he's just going to keep writing as long as his characters keep breathing, it's a rare situation of characters writing themselves that gives the comic a more unpredictable tone.

The group of strangers in The Walking Dead are an ever changing one, made up of a few core characters, with a large number of zombie fodder who share equal amounts of screen/page time, making it hard to gauge which characters will live and die. Kirkman really tries to be as realistic as possible and keep the readers attention focused more on the characters personal lives than trying to guess who will be the next to bite the dust. It's very easy to get lost in the drama sometimes and completely forget that you're reading a comic about a zombie Apocalypse, which is both a testament to Kirkman's writing skills, and the depth of his characters. You want these guys to live, to find some sort of peace, and when the shit does inevitably hit the fan, you will root for the good guys and not the zombies, which is a rare thing in this genre these days.

Character interaction can be just as unpredictable as you try to come to terms with the fact that this world works much differently to our own. You can feel the effort that these guys are putting into holding onto the world they used to know, the routines, the laws, the rules, but it just doesn't work that way anymore. It's certainly interesting to see how everyone adapts to this world without rules, constantly trying to justify their sometimes horrific actions and hold on to some semblance of sanity. On more than one occasion you may be asking yourself how you would react if there was a psychopath in your midst and no police or doctors to help out. How far would you go to protect your friends and family?

On the visual side of things The Walking Dead utilises a fantastic black and white gritty look that helps sell the dark, adult tone of the story. It's all a bit rough around the edges and really pushes the narrative along because, while there are some nice details here, it's never distracting and compliments the dialogue so well that it's like reading subtitles, after a while you just take everything in without needing to pause. I do have a rather large gripe with one aspect of the artwork, and that is the drastic shift in style between Tony Moores work of the first few issues, and Charlie Adlards work for the remainder.

While I did get used to Adlards work and come to appreciate his skills, Moores artwork always stood out as being much more unique, his character designs all standing out from one another, and much better overall. Adlards biggest problem is his lack of detail in his characters, leading to allot of confusion when the cast starts to grow larger, as allot of his female characters tend to look the same. I found myself incredibly confused at certain stages, trying to work out which characters had died, since it appeared they were still around but turned out to just be other characters that look exactly the same.

This is sadly only one of the things that's wrong with The Walking Dead, there multiple other problems plague the pages of this comic and really tend to take you out of the moment sometimes. The first is something that works in the comics favour when it's done right, and can utterly kill the flow when it's done wrong, and that is the rather unpredictable outbursts that occur throughout the comic. These characters are under allot of stress, and when they feel the need to let it out, sometimes it can catch you off guard. When this happens you usually learn allot about what's REALLY going on in someones head, but every so often it just doesn't work. It could be something some says or does, but sometimes you just think to yourself, that sounds wrong, that's not at all what anyone would do in any situation. It doesn't happen often but when it does, it can stop the comic dead in its tracks.

Another problem with the writing is Kirkmans rather inconsistent nature. It's as if two completely different people are writing the comic and one of them is a 15 year old boy who thinks things like action man are really cool. The comic works best when it feels as if it's written for adults, with mature themes and situations handled smartly instead of finding the quickest path to some sort of "cool" action scene. Sometimes though, all of this gets thrown out the window in favour of unnecessary swearing, violence that seems completely out of place, and ridiculous situations that would never happen outside of an episode of teenage mutant ninja turtles.

The chief villain later on in the comic is a prime example of this, tossing subtlety out the window and just repeatedly hitting you over the head with stupid shit that just screams "see, this is a bad guy, he does bad things, look how messed up he is". This goes even further when he returns later on after being presumed dead with an eye patch, scars and other things that only a 15 year old thinks is cool. What should be a credible threat to our heroes lives just turns out to be a rather laughable collection of cartoon villain cliches.

Zombie movies are prone to cliches, and try as he might to avoid them, Kirkman always seems to run into one at some point. Sure, for the most part the comic is rather unpredictable but there are times where you can see something coming a mile away. Bad guys dying at the hands of zombies, crazy black guys, and religious nuts trying to protect the zombies. There's also a few comic cliches thrown in for good measure, such as the frustratingly overused shocked face panel. I can't even count the number of times a page ended with someone walking into a room or coming up over a hill with a shocked face, I get it, there's something shocking on the next page, you can stop this shit now.

All of these problems aside, The Walking Dead still has allot of good things to offer. The characters are intriguing and you're almost always left wondering what they're going to do next. The storyline moves along at a great pace and rarely repeats the same situation, even when you think everything is settling down, there's always something new around the next corner. It's a fantastic character driven story that really draws you in and forces you to think about what you would do in the same situation. Even when things got a little shaky with the writing, I still had trouble putting this one down, always wanting to see what happened next. It's really satisfying to see a comic aimed at adults, while still delivering on a purely visceral level as well (the zombie killing on display doesn't shy away from the gory stuff).

I'm eager to keep reading this one just to see how everything pans out after the particularly shocking ending of this collection. Just when I thought things might be coming to a nice neat conclusion, Kirkman delivered a scene so unexpected that I had to read over it 3 times just to see if I was imagining things. If the writing and artwork can be tightened just a little more, I see no reason for this not to become one of my favourite comics...

Now that I've gotten back into them.

8/10

New Coke Bottle Grip

2010-02-26T22:21:00.001-08:00

You what Coke, I can't remember ever dropping a bottle because it didn't have extra grip on it...

How about you spend your time doing something that matters? Like making Coke Zero not taste like aids infested anus!

Rock Band 2 Game Review

2010-02-25T01:01:00.001-08:00

Let's get this out of the way first, Rock Band 1 is one of my favourite games EVER!

It took everything that made Guitar Hero so much fun, and added a whole lot more to it. Rocking out on the plastic guitar is longer quite as embarrassing since you had some drunk idiot screaming into a microphone, and everyone fighting over the drum kit. A game is only as good as its track list though, and thankfully Rock Band delivered on that front too, with the greatest track list of any music-rhythm game to date. So it makes sense that Rock Band 2, with it's ability to import almost every song from the first game, would be even better.

If you consider the fact that Rock Band 2 is an improvement over the first one, gameplay-wise, and couple that with the fact that almost every song from the first game would be on it too, you'd expect to have the best music-rhythm game available, and you'd be right. But let's put that aside for the moment and treat Rock Band 2 as a stand alone game, so can fairly judge it both in terms of gameplay and song selection.

From the outset it's clear that this is not a brand new game, very few changes have been made to the overall gameplay or structure. What has been done though, is very small tweaks that make the game a hell of allot more fun and easier to get into. No longer are instruments tied to one character, or bands tied to one player, it's a small change but it makes everything so much less restrictive and more fun. Also gone is the old style of playing solo through a the entire song list, one group at a time. Now you can play the band career mode (playing gigs and challenges) one your own or with a band, it's a much looser system that puts more emphasis on having fun than being overly serious and controlling about how a band should work. When you've got a bunch of mates over, it makes everything so much quicker and easier when you just wanna get in there and rock!

The biggest drawcard of Rock Band 2 (and Beatles Rock Band which utilized the same feature) is the no fail mode. Now you can rock out to your favourite tunes and not be punished halfway through for sucking at it. It may seem like a small addition at first but now I always have it turned on when people are round, it makes the whole thing seem a little more inviting for people who have never played before and were getting sick of having to play the first 30 seconds of a song over and over again because they couldn't pass one little bit.

Another interesting addition, is the battle of the bands mode, where you don't actually play off against another band, but you do fight for a higher score. It's a nice challenge, that gets updated every week to keep things interesting. Couple this with the ever growing list of downloadable songs, and you've got enough here to keep you busy for months, if not years to come.

All of these things make Rock Band 2 a great improvement over the first game, but as always it comes down to the song list to determine how much life a music rhythm game has in it. Rock Band 2's biggest downfall is its hit-and-miss tracklist, it's definitely not a bad selection but for every classic song, there's another you may play once and never touch again. It still equates to a hell of allot of great songs due to the overall size of the tracklist, but it's just a shame that the impressive number of songs is glazed over when you're trying to find one that everyone will want to play. There are some truly fun songs in here, such as Journey's "Any Way you Want It" and the surprisingly much requested Alanis Morrisette hit "You Oughta Know", but mixed in are some truly odd choices, like Guns N' Roses "Shacklers Revenge" from the godawful Chinese Democracy, and the utterly out of place Paramore song "That's What You Get".

Out of the great songs in the game though there is a marked improvement in challenge over the first game, the last tier of songs is downright cruel in their difficulty, even on hard (I tend to play on expert with the guitar). There is some solace though in the fact that they have made the gameplay slightly more intuitive, with much better note tracking and more hammer-ons and pull offs. It's still not quite as easy as the original guitar heroes were, but it's a nice improvement over the first Rock Band. Unfortunately for the less skilled players, there is still the ridiculous jump in difficulty between medium and hard, which can be downright offputting for some people.

It's all here, for better or worse, everything that made Rock Band 1 such a great game returned in Rock Band 2 with some great improvements, even if a few little niggling problems are still hanging around. The track list is great, although not quite as good as the first games, with a much larger selection of songs comes the problem of having allot to skip over.

The fact of the matter is though, if you have the first game, you CAN import almost every song, essentially making the track list better overall, and boosting the number of songs on hand to nearly 200 right out of the box. It's a terrific feature, and one that raises Rock Band 2 above the first by assimilating everything it ever had over the new game. Unfortunately if you live in Australia and don't own the Xbox 360 version, there will be problems with importing songs, and you may want to research the issue before importing a copy. Which begs the question once again, why the FUCK is Australia being shafted by Harmonix? What the fuck did we do to get treated like such pieces of shit that don't deserve a proper Australia release of this game? It's downright infuriating and makes me angry at a company I want to love so much just for making this game.

If you can ignore that issue though, and have the perfect situation (being able to import the songs from the first game) then there is nothing stopping you from playing this game for a very long time. Even without the imported songs, there's still allot here to love, and the small issues with the game are almost entirely forgotten once you get into it. There's simply no other music-rhythm game out right now that comes close to what Harmonix have done here, and it's doubtful anyone will beat it for a long time.

9/10 - Stand Alone Game

10/10 - With Imported and Downloaded Songs

Rambo Trilogy Review

2010-02-24T01:27:00.000-08:00

If you're vision of Rambo is anything like mine, you're imaging Sylvester Stallone shirtless, oiled up like a roast ham with a red headband gunning down hillsides of screaming forigners with the biggest machine gun he can get his hands on. If this is the case, then chances are that you, like me, had never actually seen the original films and relied solely on parodies and peoples impressions to shape the vision of this 80's action hero in your head. Having endured a Rambo marathon this past week I can tell you that this may be the case sometimes, but you'd be surprised at how this whole thing started out...

First Blood

Wipe that image of shirtless Stallone massacring village of screaming gooks from your mind, this is not the Rambo you think you know. In First Blood, Stallone plays the character as a tortured soul, trying desperately to return to his normal life in America after fighting a losing battle in Vietnam. Throughout the film you'll see Rambo as you never thought you would, a wreck of a man who can barely keep it together as he's tormenting by visions of his time as a prisoner of war and coming to terms with the fact that he has no friends left outside of the military.

Not long after arriving in a small American town, looking for an old friend who turns out to dead (courtesy of our old friend agent orange), John Rambo discovers that the country he fought so hard for just doesn't want him around. He's soon harassed and arrested by the town sheriff but a severe mental breakdown causes him to lose it and escape into the woods nearby. As the local police try to track him down, they soon realise that in the woods, Rambo has the distinct advantage. Not one to give up, the sheriff (played by Brian Dennehy) keeps coming after Rambo despite losing many men, and even after Johns former commander warns him to give up.

Definitely the most complex of the Rambo films, this is more of a thriller than an action film. Sure it's gets explosive towards the end, but for the most part this is a tense piece of cinema where a man is pushed the edge and finally cracks under the pressure. Rambo is broken, his mind is not what it once was and the continuing pursuit of the town sheriff only worsens his condition, to the point where he can barely remember if he's in America or still in Vietnam.

A few hilarious lines aside, the acting here is much better than I was anticipating. Stallone gives it his all as a man who tries so hard to act calm and collected on the outside, but just wants to scream and lash out when people push him too hard. He's a man who gave everything for his country and gets nothing but abuse in return, it's enough to send anyone over the edge. Dennehy is suitably arrogant as the chief antagonist who, while definitely being a prick, you still don't want to see die. That's the thing about this movie, there is no clear bad guy, at least not in the sense of a purely evil human being who will get his comeuppance in the end. Richard Crenna rounds out the cast with probably the worst acting but still serviceable enough to do what he has to do.

It's all a huge surprise to me that this movie is not only better than I was expecting, but a damn good thriller as well. Had I not endured so many years of parodies that present Rambo as a machine gun wielding action hero, I might has given this film a chance much earlier. As it stands this is not only the best of the Rambo films, but possibly one of the best movies of the 80's. Had the film gone for the same ending as the book and not continued down it's now famous path of stupidity, it might be seen as a classic. It's just a pity this fine little thriller was tainted by the more over-the-top sequels. Hopefully this review will lead to more people giving it a chance and seeing what Rambo was really like before the money making machine took over.

9/10

Rambo - First Blood Part 2

This is the part where you may be truly surprised, after all the bashing I did of the action hero version of Rambo you may think I hated the rest of the films. Trust me, I was prepared to, I wanted to laugh my way through this one, as John Rambo left all his personal demons behind to go blow up some jabbering foreigners and save the day. To my amazement though, I found the whole thing damn entertaining, sure it was stupid as hell and nothing like the first film, but if you can separate the two and accept this as a dumb 80's action film then you'll find one of the most entertaining Stallone films to date.

The story is relatively simple compared to the first, Rambo is given a get out of jail free card after his actions in the first film, if he agrees to return to Vietnam and help find POW's still trapped there. When he arrives though he's told his mission is simply to take photographs to confirm the locations of the POW's, and the army will send in thier own teams to rescue them. It isn't long before Rambo arrives at the camp where they're being held and predictably chooses to rescue them right then and there. The army has other ideas however, as they were expecting the camp to be empty, so they could save a buck by not having to send any teams in Vietnam to rescue POW's. To cover their tracks they leave Rambo and the prisoners there to die, but boy did they pick the wrong guy to piss off.

First Blood Part 2 takes a little while to get going, but once Rambo gets fucked over, he becomes a one man army, letting nothing stand between him and getting the prisoners home safe and sound. I was expecting the whole affair to be an awful 80's action flick, and sure it looks a little dated now but I was surprised at the sheer amount of well choreographed carnage being rained down upon the enemy. Rambo uses everything at his disposal to turn the Vietnamese into mincemeat and does it with such explosive energy that it's impossible not to be entertained. The bad guys this time around are pure evil, and the good guys are patriotic heroes, and of course there's the backstabbing American military leader we all love to hate thrown in for good measure.

The one truly odd inclusion however, is the arrival of the Russians halfway through the flick, taking over the role of chief villains. They come stocked with all the trademarks of Russian bad guys, bad accents, beefy henchmen and all manner of cliched torture techniques to "make Rambo talk". Maybe it's because I'm Australian but I simply don't get the need for American films to be so obsessed with making Russia look like the worlds greatest threat at every given opportunity. I have no idea why they even show up in this film and it seems entirely out of place, but once you accept that the Russians are running the show, you just go with it and await the moment when Rambo gets to carve them up like a Christmas ham.

Whether he's shooting bad guys with explosive tipped arrows, or laying whole villages to waste with a helicopter, Rambo is the guy you wanna have on your side. This movie is one massive action hero cliche piece, and possibly the first truly great one. Everything fits together so well that you'll be laughing your arse off the whole way through, but you can't fault the film for being a testosterone filled explosion fest, because it's so bloody entertaining. Sure it's mindless violence, but it's done so well that you'll just end up going along for the ride and probably feel like climbing into a helicopter yourself once it's over, and blowing up a village or two.

ARRGGGHHHHH!!!!!

8/10

Rambo 3

This is where things start to get wobbly, think of First Blood Part 2, in Afghanistan and you've got a rough idea of what's in store for you with the 3rd entry. Clearly cashing in on the success of the Rambo franchise, all sense of originality has gone out the window, and you're just served up everything that worked so well in the second film, in a new setting. It's not all bad, the action is still entertaining as hell, but the sense of familiarity tends to bog the whole thing down and make it a chore to watch in parts as you wait for Rambo to just cut loose and blow some shit up.

Col. Trautman (Richard Crenna) is back again and just seems like a damn prick this time around, asking Rambo to leave his peaceful life in a monastery to help out the army once more, after they already fucked him over twice.

I mean what a cunt!

Rambo smartly refuses and leaves the Colonel to do the job himself, so the dumb fuck does and ends up getting captured, suck shit you old fart. Rambo, of course, feels obligated to go in and rescue his old friend and travels to Afghanistan for another opportunity to kill some non-Americans. When he arrives he spends some time with the locals, trying to find any assistance he can to break into the fortress where Trautman is being held, and rescue him from the hands of the evil Russians...

Oh what the fuck, the fucking Russians again? Come on, seriously America, just fucking let it go.

Yeah, so the Russians are back, I guess Hollywood will take any opportunity to see those Commie bastards get blown to bits by a sweaty muscle-bound American soldier with more bullets than brains. After the Russians come and fuck up Rambo's new friends camp for fun, the few soldiers left decide to bugger off to safety, leaving Rambo with a guy and some kid. Off they go, into the fortress and just like First Blood Part 2, shit goes wrong, Rambo gets pissed and stuff gets blown the fuck up.

It's all incredibly familiar and very few risks are taken to change things up. Rambo screams, people get shot and the pyrotechnics guy has a blast. Richard Crenna is given much more to do this time around, and handles himself much better than in the previous two films, getting involved in the action and taking down a few bad guys whenever he can. Rambo proves slightly less invincible than before, taking a few shots, which should add a little realism to the film but it barely slows the guy down, and at this point in time I'm not sure sure even a nuclear bomb could stop this man. The bad guys are less memorable this time around, just the same Russians as before, in a new locale, complete with lame torture devices, enormous henchmen and bad accents that beg the question, why is it so hard to find ACTUAL Russians to play these guys?

Where the film shines, of course, is in its action scenes. One Rambo stops fucking around with sheep tossing games and sneaking around in the dark, and actually gets to shoot some Russians, it's all go. It may not have the impact as before as there are several scenes, such as the hijacking of an enemy helicopter, that are almost identical to those from the second film, but it still features some of the most inventive action scenes I've ever seen. Never before have I seen such absurd situations as a shootout in a cave involving a bow and arrow, and glow sticks, or a tank and a helicopter playing chicken. It's insane fun that should have had allot more screen time (the film doesn't really get going til the last half hour), but what is there is still better than allot of action films I've seen.

It may be the worst film in the series, but it's still a rollicking good ride. Sure it takes a while to get going, and the writers were really running out of ideas at this point, but when Rambo is let off the chain and gets to have some fun, the audience does too. It's such a pity that the film didn't try to separate itself enough from it's predecessor, because if it had, the entire trilogy would have been amazing. As it stands, it's the Return of the Jedi of Rambo films, still part of the trilogy but just not as good as it's fore bearers.

6/10

Having only seen the films now, in 2010, I'm a little upset that missed out on such a crucial part of 80's action cinema. The Rambo trilogy is the reason I watch action films, to be entertained from start to finish, have a laugh and not have to think too much. The fact that first film was actually a thriller, with action thrown in, made the whole thing even better as I was taken off guard and forced to pay attention to what was going on, never quite knowing how the whole thing would end. Part 2 was just balls-to-the-wall mayhem that satisfies on a purely visceral level, and Part 3 was a decent action flick with some outlandish and clever scenes of carnage.

All in all, a damn fine night on couch. If you've never seen the Rambo films before, because you thought they were nothing but laughable 80's rubbish, I say give them a chance.

You'll be pleasantly surprised.

From Paris With Love Movie Review

2010-02-24T00:44:00.000-08:00

Oh John Travolta, how I love watching you chew the scenery. You can turn even the worst movie into something watchable (okay Battlefield Earth is one exception) with your over-the-top, crazy arse, foul mouthed antics. Now you've made your way to Paris to tear the city a new a-hole and have some fun in the process.

On paper, From Paris With Love may sound like your standard buddy actioner. A sorta secret agent, doing mostly menial jobs, wants to play with the big boys and finally gets his chance when he's given the task of escorting Charlie Wax around Paris on a secret mission. What Charlie Wax is doing in Paris isn't made clear from the get go, but what is clear is that this odd couple is going to end up killing allot of bad guys, and blowing allot of shit up.

Pierre Morel, previously giving us the amazing District 13 and the downright bad-ass Taken (proving that Liam Neeson can play an action hero) returns to his hometown once again in From Paris With Love. This time though, he's left the grittiness oh his last 2 films behind and instead gone for the all out Hollywood style blockbuster. You'll see Travolta dish out the damage with everything from his fists to a rocket launcher. He doesn't seem to have any qualms about shooting women either, everything is fair game. Usually this sort of behaviour gets unintentional laughs from the audience, and ends up turning the movie into just another action flick. Where From Paris With Love succeeds though is in the sheer amount of fun the characters, and the audience, end up having.

John Travolta smirks his way through the whole movie, always aware of what's going on around him and never setting a foot wrong. It's the sort of role he plays so well, when the director lets him off the leash he goes bananas and chews the scenery like a dumped girl with a bucket of ice cream. It's impossible to take the film seriously and the director knows this, playing most scenes for laughs and giving Travolta the most absurd lines and situations. Playing the straight man is his escort/partner played by Johnathan Rhys Myers, who spends a large chunk of the film completely bemused, carrying around a vase full of coke without the faintest idea why. When it gets down to it though, the story revolves around his character and focuses more on his growth and acceptance of the situation, while Travolta is just there to nudge him along.

While the action isn't quite as impressive as Morel's last 2 flicks, From Paris With Love manages to pick up the slack by injecting some humour and insanity into the scenes. Be it a car chase, restaurant shootout or back alley fist fights, you're constantly entertained as Travolta and Myers bounce back and forth of eachother like an old married couple. It seemed an unlikely teaming up, as Myers is rarely able to keep up with Travolta's manic performance and ridiculous action sequences, but by the end of the film you're glad someone was there to anchor the whole thing in even the slightest bit of reality.

From Paris With Love is the perfect example of a good time at the cinema. It rarely takes itself seriously, the story has enough twists to keep you interested, and the action is deliciously over-the-top. Travolta steals the show as usual, and has so much fun with the role that it rubs off on the audience every step of the way. It may not be the greatest action film, but it is a damn entertaining one, and sometimes that's all you need.

7/10

Shutter Island Movie Review (possible spoiler alert)

2010-02-23T01:44:00.000-08:00

I guessed the twist from the trailer.

I just thought I get that out of the way to begin with, this is a movie with such an obvious twist that when your suspicions are finally confirmed all you can do is let out a sigh and think "why do they keep doing this?" I wont give away the twist in this review but if you can't guess it from the trailer then maybe you're just stupid enough not to care. I care though, when the same ending is used on so many movies and the directors keep expecting us to act surprised as they spell it all out during the climax, it makes me angry that I paid money once again to see the same shit.

Martin Scorsese has been very hit and miss lately, for every classic like "Bringing out the dead" or "The Aviator", we get stinkers like "The Departed" and "Gangs of New York". I realise not everyone will agree with me, but I was really disappointed by the latter 2 flicks. Shutter Island sits somewhere in the middle, an interesting premise with some solid ideas that buggers up right at the end and ruins everything that came before.

Shutter Island opens int eh 1950's, and tells the story of detective Teddy Daniels (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his partner Chuck Aule (Mark Ruffalo) as they head to the titular island, home of the worlds worst mental hospital, housing the craziest of the crazies. Watched over by Doctor Cawley (Ben Kingsley), the detectives try to solve the mystery of the missing patient who somehow escaped the hospital without anyone noticing. Along the way we discover that the detective has ulterior motives, as he tries to locate the man who set fire to his apartment, killing his wife, whom he believes to be locked away on the island. As the movie progresses we discover that Leo is fighting his own demons, haunted by the memories of not only his wife's death but also his years in the war, and witnessing the horrors of the German concentration camps.

All is not as it seems, as the detectives start unravelling the secrets of the island and what has all of the patients so scared. It's all told through some rather clever film making that makes you question what is real and what isn't on several occasions. The sound and visuals are deliberately offputting in places, making the audience feel a little uneasy and confused. This all works wonderfully well as you begin to wonder who is telling the truth and what is really going on in the hospital.

Then the films it's climax and slams on the brakes HARD. It all comes to a screeching halt as we have everything spoon fed to us during an excruciatingly long exposition sequence that leaves no question unanswered. The have my suspicion confirmed was downright disappointing, and then to have everything explained in such detail is like being treated as a child. Everything the movie was building up towards is thrown out the window, and replaced with a standard thriller twist ending that we've seen 100 times before. As I said in the beginning of this review, if you can't guess it from the trailer, you deserve the crummy ending you get.

There is a moment during the climax however that almost turned it all around and could have potentially led to a terrific ending. It's the sort of moment that tricks you into thinking you're getting the easy answers but then makes you think that maybe it's all a lie. Had this moment been allowed to flourish and ended the movie much sooner, I might have been left wondering what was really going on. Instead though, it goes on to squash that possibility and lay everything out in details, leaving nothing to the imagination.

It's such a shame because the rest of the film is so well made. The feeling of unease is beautifully accomplished through some unsettling scenes, great use of sound and a rather strange style of editing. On top of this, the acting is superb from all involved. Leo is terrific as usual, and Rufallo is surprisingly more animated than usual. Kingsley is in top form as usual, but the real surprise is from the well knowns who show up in very brief roles throughout the film, Jackie Earl Haley, John Carol Lynch, Max Von Sydow, Patricia Clarkson and Ted Levine. Scorsese has collected a fantastic group of actors to carry the film, and they all do a great job of shaping the strange environment in which the film takes place.

It is such a pity that it all comes crashing down at the end of the film. It could have been another great Scorsese thriller to put up there with the likes of Bringing Out The Dead and Cape Fear, but instead it succumbs to the same tired, predictable twist that has ruined so many movies before. What we end up with is a movie made up of great elements, but ruined by one mistake. Better luck next time Marty...

5/10

Daybreakers Movie Review

2010-02-23T00:45:00.000-08:00

I know what you're thinking, "Not another bloody Vampire movie". Well before you fob this one off let me make one thing clear, this is not another vampire cash-in flick riding off the recent success of Twilight. Daybreakers doesn't deserve the description that everyone has been using, "The new vampire movie". I remember a time when people looked forward to vampire movies, and the fact that my cinema was filled with little girls giggling and proclaiming Daybreakers to be crap, tells me that this movie was sadly released at the wrong time. Which is a shame because it's a bloody good film.

Daybreakers is a sci-fi horror, with more emphasis on the sci-fi, that tells the story of a world where vampires have taken our place as the dominant species. Human beings have been reduced to being farmed for blood to continue the existence of vampires (who live pretty much as we do, but with added bonus of never dying). Problem is, with so many vampires and so few humans, the blood supply is running dry and may see vampires dying off in a month unless a substitute is found. Heading up the research for this Ethan Hawke, a vampire who chooses not to drink human blood and is hoping to find an alternative before humans become extinct. That is until he's recruited by a band of humans on the run who have proof of a cure, in the form of Willem Dafoe's former vampire character.

The emphasis here is more on exploring a world where vampires hunt humans, rather than the other way around. Instead of it being a gory action flick though, it's a thoughtful sci-fi piece that presents a world full of vampires that is almost exactly the same as our own, which is kinda scary in its own way. As Ethan Hawkes character tries to help the humans and hide from the vampires we see that the real threat comes in the form of a corporation more intent on making money than finding a cure. Sure there are a few action scenes here and there but the bulk of the film is taken up with developing the story and characters. It may not end up being the most complex film, but it's interesting when words are flying, and entertaining when the bullets are flying.

For the most part the actors do a good job, there's only a few times when anyone really hams it up, the rest of the time things are handled seriously and it really suits the mood of the flick. Hamming duty is taken care of by Willem Dafoe, as the crossbow wielding former vampire Elvis, and Sam Neil, as Charles Bromley, head of the company researching a blood substitute, and the films chief villain. As usual Niel is a treat, and his slimy corporate vampire character is played delightfully well, as we see someone who is so happy being what he is that he would turn his own daughter against her will just for his own selfish needs.

The rest of the cast is a little wobbly, as the odd decision to set the film in America, but hire almost all Australian actors, really shows through. The accents are decent enough, but can be offputting at times. Maybe it's because I'm Australian but I just couldn't get past the fact that the film was shot here and I can easily tell, but I know it's supposed to be America. It really didn't need to be set there, as the location wasn't integral to the story. All it does is take you out of the film when you realise you're being told one thing, but know it's something else entirely. It's a shame becuase Claudia Karvan really deserves a shot at Hollywood, but I don't think this will be the film to do it.

Outside of that, the film is surprisingly well made. Being only the second film from the Sperig brothers, they've done a top notch job creating a great deal from very little. As with their previous film, Undead, the brothers did allot of the special effects themselves, and you'd be hard pressed to tell. The film has a distinctly grim look about it, being set almost entirely at night everything has a blue/grey tinge that really makes you feel like you're looking at a world that has been adapted to accommodate these night dwelling folk. There's no sparkling here either, when vampires see the sun, they instantly burst into flames. When they meet their fate at the hands of another, there's no shying away from the bloodshed.

The Sperig brothers have made a much better film this time around (Undead was good but a bit rough around the edges), taking things seriously and creating a believable world where we're no longer at the top of the food chain. It's may get a bit corny at times, and some might find the pacing a bit slow, but if you accept the fact that it's more of a sci-fi flick than a "vampire movie" then you're sure to enjoy it. The story is interesting, the action is very well done and the acting is decent for the most part. I can't wait to see what these guys do next.

8/10

Why District 9 deserves an Oscar more than Avatar

2010-02-22T23:11:00.001-08:00

Don't get me wrong here, I loved Avatar and usually couldn't give 2 shits about wins what Oscar, but something about this particular situation just irks me a little. Sure, Avatar deserves a mountain of praise dumped on it for it's innovative technology, mind boggling special effects, and possibly the first occasion where 3D immerses you in a world, rather than just throwing crap at the screen. But when you consider the massive budget, the largest ever for a motion picture, you start to get the feeling it's like congratulating Dubai for building another stupidly expensive and enormous structure. With great sums of money (in the right hands) comes an incredible final product that is sure to dazzle you, but quickly fade from memory once you've left it behind.

For all it's leaps and bounds in motion capture and 3D technology, the story and characters got a little left in the dust. It still works for this kind of movie because James Cameron knows how to use all the cliches and simple plot points to build compelling action around, and immerse the audience in the world he's created. The point is though, District 9 did all of these things, only better and for allot less money.

Starting with the award for visual effects, although Avatar is the single most amazing technical achievement in the history of computer generated imagery, it had the MONSTROUS budget to back it up. District 9 did not have this, with a 10th of Avatars budget, Neill Blomkamp used his vast knowledge of visual effects to wring the most out of the films modest budget. It is by no means a low budget film, costing 30 million dollars, but it's a pittance compared to other movies featuring so many CG characters and elaborate action set pieces. At no point while watching the film did I think I was looking at computer generated characters, a feat not many directors can achieve. The real reason Blomkamp deserves the award for visual effects over Cameron is because he did so much more, for so much less.

The Academy has already acknowledged Blomkamps skills by awarding him an Oscar several years ago for the short film that spawned District 9, Alive in Johburg. So it should seem only fitting that the full length version of that story deserves the best picture award. Not only did Blomkamp manage to produce such a great movie for such a tight budget, but he also managed to weave together so many different elements into one cohesive package. It's a sci-fi/drama/action/comedy layered over political commentary and shining a light on the directors own experiences in South Africa's horrific past. All of this is told from the perspective of a naive bureaucrat, played perfectly by newcomer Sharlto Copley who improvised much of his dialogue. Casting a first timer in the main role is always a risky move but this time it payed off so well that it's hard to imagine the role being played by anyone else.

As much as Cameron's revolutionary use of 3D film making immersed the audience in his new world, District 9 managed to do exactly the same thing without the use of any gimmicks. Sure the handheld camera thing is nothing new but it's utilized so well by Blomkamp that when the movie switches back and forth between handheld camera and traditional film, you don't even notice. The real reason that District 9 made you believe what you were seeing could be real, was because the characters were real. Avatar uses allot of tricks to make you side with the big blue freaks, but the more you think about it, the more you realise you really don't care too much about them. In District 9 the aliens weren't sympathetic, they're just like us, some of them are kind, some are monsters. These things are ugly and speak in a rather disgusting language, but still you manage to end up caring about their plight as you watch one trying so desperately to get his people out of the slums and back home. It's balanced so well by the lead human character being a complete prick at times, instead of trying to make him into a hero.

Another reason I'm still thinking about District 9 and have mostly forgotten Avatar, is because it raises allot of questions. Avatar follows a strictly linear, familiar plot that plays it very safe and never really gives you much to question. District 9 on the other hand leaves allot of questions unanswered, such as why the aliens came to Earth to start with, why they had so many weapons, and why their technology has such a strange affect on others. It's little things like this that ensures a movie will stick with you over time and gives you more than just a quick thrill ride.

Put all of these things together and it's hard to ignore the fact that Neil Blomkamp created an amazing film from very little and his efforts deserve to be rewarded. I'm sure there are many other films out there that are even more worthy, but when it comes down to it, the world is Avatar crazy and it seems highly likely that Cameron's film will take home a shitload of (admittedly well deserved) awards.

All I'm saying is, there's another little film out there about aliens that deserves those awards a bit more.

Fookin' prawns...

Assassins Creed 2 Game Review

2010-02-18T22:49:00.000-08:00

Assassins Creed was a game that pissed many people off, not because it was a bad game, but because there was a good game hiding in there somewhere, buried beneath repetitive missions, a dowright stupid story towards the end, and a lack of variety. What worked in the game worked very well, the fighting was fun, dicking around on buildings was even more fun, but it all got bogged down by being forced to repeat the same shit over and over again. Pick pocket this guy, watch that guy, listen in on some boring conversation, then finally get involved in a little scuffle before killing the guy you were supposed to kill and run away along some roof tops. The game never deviated from this mission structure, and what started off as fun, quickly became a chore and by the time the game was over you were left a little puzzled. You had some fun at the time but can't really remember why it took so long to finish and what you really learnt from it all.

Assassins Creed 2 set out from the beginning to answer the cries of gamers everywhere and throw out everything that made the game crap, and get back to the roots of what we wanted to do all along. Kill people and fuck about climbing buildings and running at full speed through crowded streets, knocking over innocent bystanders and slashing the odd throat or two. The game succeeds in improving the formula and turns out to be everything we wanted from the first game and more. This doesn't mean the game is without fault though, as Ubisoft may have removed allot of the bad stuff but they only managed to replace it with different bad stuff.

The first problem lies with the story, which I cannot explain here because I don't fucking understand it. It starts off simply enough, with the introduction of a new main character who is already a much better hero right off the bat than Altair ever was. He oozes charm and personality, cracking jokes and getting into all sorts of shit. Things seem to be off to a good start, that is until half your family (who you spend the first 2 hours getting to know) is betrayed and executed. From here on it it's a revenge tale, and it's up to you to work out why your family was betrayed and kill the man responsible. The problem is, the reasons behind this betrayal and spread so thinly throughout the story, and mixed in with so much confusing and pointless conspiracy theories that in the end, you forgot why you were even playing. Sure you went along with the missions but you ever stop and ask yourself why?

While there are a few interesting twists outside of the Animus (the machine that is telling the story through your ancestors memories) the scenes here are so few and far between it's downright frustrating every time you're forced back into the machine. The ending is so open that I didn't even realise the game was over, and even though it's a cliffhanger, it could possibly be the worst video game ending I've ever seen.

Where the game shines is, as I said before, in the improvements made to the overall gameplay and progression. Gone are the agonisingly repetitive pickpocket and eavesdropping missions, instead replaced with more standard 3rd person action/adventure where you spend equal amounts of time killing soldiers as climbing structures. The focus this time is more on exploring your surroundings, finding perfect hiding spots and planning out your attacks. Sure you can just run in and kill every enemy in sight, but it's much more fun to outrun them or hide in plain sight and watch them as they foolishly try to find you. The sword fighting is pretty much the same as it was the first time around but this time you are given more options in the way you go about them. There's a large selection of weapons to buy (although you'll never find yourself using anything but the strongest one you can afford) and more fighting moves such as throwing sand in your enemies face or disarming them and killing them with their own weapon.

Things are mixed up a bit with some new gameplay elements such as the introduction of swimming (thank fuck) and flying (which is only used briefly) amongst others. You're also given the opportunity to use a hidden gun in later levels although it is so useless that it's pretty much reserved for mission specific goals.

Another area where the game outshines the original is in the characters you meet along the way. The whole story, as confusing as it is, is pushed along nicely by all the side missions you need to do to get to your main objective. These side missions are almost all populated by diverse and well voiced characters who really help sell the whole thing. One of the main reasons you may never stop and ask why you're doing something, is because you've been asked to do it but such a charming character. From the suave rogues to battle-crazed military folk, you're always happy to help these guys out and try to make their cities a happier place.

The locations are the real stars of the show though. Gone are the dull and dreary cities of Jerusalem, instead you make your way through Tuscany, including the cities of Venice and Rome. It's all allot more colourful this time around and some of the areas later on and simply brimming with life. Forget about those pesky lepers, now you'll be harassed by minstrels and prostitutes, who you can even pay to distract guards. Looking over these cities from a tall towers is quite a treat for the eyes, and the whole thing is much MUCH bigger than the first game. You'll be spending at least twice the amount of hours it took you to finish the first game to make your way through this one. Not to mention the hours you'll pour into upgrading the villa to receive at the start of the game.

There's simply so much to see and do, it's just a pity that when the whole thing is over, and you've upgraded your house as much as possible, there's little to make you want to return. Maybe it's because I work more than I used to, but I have to be REALLY invested in a game nowadays to make me want to spend anymore time after I've finished it, going around collecting hidden items and completing all the side missions. Though the main story mode kept me going right up until the end, there just wasn't enough of a pull to make me return after the credits.

Assassins Creed 2 is the game that the fans wanted, and everything first game wasn't. Ubisoft went back to the drawing board and built a new experience around the few things that made the first game work. The story is much longer and much more fun, the gameplay is more varied and less repetitive and the characters and voice acting are leaps and bounds above anything found in the first offering. The game is only really dragged down by the atrocious main storyline and utterly awful ending which tarnishes the whole experience. The game itself could also be a little tighter, and the core sword fighting mechanics could also be expanded upon to make fighting feel more challenging than just mashing the same buttons over and over.

While I applaud all of the changes the company made to improve AC2 over the first game, I still feel there's a bit of work to be done to make it the game I really wanted. Hopefully AC3 will be the best in the series and wrap everything up nicely. They got allot of work to do after that ending though...

8/10

Uncharted 2 Game Review

2010-02-18T22:03:00.000-08:00

I don't own a PS3, in fact I've never owned a playstation full stop. Instead I choose to drown out the sounds of the Sony fanboys cursing me for never giving the thing a chance. I don't know what it is about the playstation, it could be the atrocious controller (it's so fucking small and my thumbs never stay on those stupid sticks) or the fact that most of the game catalogue consists of really weird looking Japanese games. Whatever it is, I've just never given in to the peer pressure and abandoned my little red ringing xbox 360.

If Uncharted 2 is anything to go by though, consider me a new Sony fanboy, because not only is it the best game I've ever played on Sony's monstrous black beast, but it's the best game of 2009. Yes, that's right, Modern Warfare can stick it, Uncharted 2 is what cinematic gameplay is supposed to be like.

Setting the bar ridiculously high for everyone else, Uncharted 2 blends top notch 3rd person tactical shooting gameplay with first rate voice acting and some of the best visual ever to make sweet love to your eyeballs. Having not played the first game I never felt left out as the ties to Uncharted: Drakes Fortune are minimal in regards to story. What it does do (as I'm told) is take the formula from the first game and greatly improve on it, learning from all the mistakes and polishing it up to make for one hell of a ride.

The story is pretty thin, and plagiarised greatly from every adventure movie you've ever seen, but this can be forgiven. Uncharted 2 feels like more of a homage to the likes of Indiana Jones, National Treasure and any the whip cracking matinee movies of the 30's all merged with a modern action blockbuster. Nathan Drake is recruited to help steal some priceless treasure before quickly being double crossed and discovering an even greater treasure that could prove very dangerous of the villain gets his hands on it. Along for the ride are an assortment of characters, some new, some old, who come and go depending on how important they are to the story. The great thing is though, that they become and integral part of the gameplay and never need babysitting when everything goes to shit and the bullets start flying.

You'll play through a variety of situations, such as the standard firefight that makes up the bulk of the proceedings, to taking down helicopters, nursing injured characters through gunfire, fist fights, and even cinematic sequences running, climbing and dodging all manner of enemies vehicles. The sheer amount of different scenarios is staggering and means the games NEVER has a dull moment. You're always kept on your toes, but never forced to endure a situation for so long that it could get boring. It changes at just the right times to keep the whole thing flowing beautifully. I honestly can't think of another game that has combined so many different styles of gameplay so seamlessly. It's just plain fun, which is what games should be.

The levels are nice and varied, although the first hour or so can drag a little before things really get going, and from that point onwards it's nonstop. You'll rarely stop and ask why you're in the jungle one minute, and climbing a hotel in the next, it just seems to work. This is where the graphics engine really shines, the game never stutters even when you're atop the tallest tower in the city, looking out over a MASSIVE landscape. Everything in the game is luscious and gorgeous, there's simply no other way to describe it. The character models are excellent, with a great amount of detail and incredibly expressive acting (all caught through motion capture) with first rate voice acting all the way. The lines may get a little corny at times (okay allot of the time) but the actors sound like they're having such fun with it, you can't help but get swept up by the whole thing.

Of course, no game is perfect, I don't expect there to ever be a game without faults. Although Uncharted 2 has only a few, they can be quite distracting at times. The graphics may be top notch and the character models great, but there's something that bugged the shit out of me the whole time and really made it hard for me to focus whenever the cinematics cut to a close up. The eyes. The freaking eyes, are so shiny and, I dunno, weird looking. There's just something about them that is downright off putting, and I noticed it right up until the end of the game.

Probably the biggest downside to the game is the fist fighting, everything else the developers got right, but the fist fighting requires so little skill it's almost pointless to include it. You tap the same button combination every time, punch, punch, dodge, repeat. It gets old fast and you really don't feel like you have any control over the situation. Then there's the climbing system, which is great when it works, but more often than not it doesn't. I'm told the first game had the same problem, so I'm wondering why it wasn't fixed this time. The blocks that you are supposed to grab onto blend so well into the background that half the time you have no idea what you can grab and what you can't, leading me to die way more times than I should have.

The final issue I have with the game is predictability. This could have something to do with the way they chose to write the story, focusing a great deal on paying homage to the world of action/adventure films, but I found much of the game to be predictable. You WILL spot the first betrayal in game coming a mile off. The character is so obvious, and we've seen his kind a hundred times before, it's impossible not to see his actions coming. There's more than a few other situations where the writers have blatantly ripped off a scene from a movie, so you know exactly where it is going, making the payoff a little underwhelming.

These issues aside, when Uncharted 2 works, it works brilliantly. The game is made up of some of the strongest elements I've ever seen. A rollercoaster ride of a story that never goes too far over the top, a shitload of different gameplay styles that merge seamlessly together, terrific voice action and visuals that will make you weep as you gaze upon their beauty. It's safe to say that THIS is the game that will move PS3's off the shelf, and maybe one might find its way into my home. If you own a PS3, you must own this game, if you don't own a PS3, you're missing out. Uncharted 2 is not only the best PS3 game, but one of the best games of this current generation.

10/10

Game Reviews - Brutal Legend & Modern Warfare 2

2010-02-01T01:31:00.000-08:00

Brutal Legend

As a MASSIVE fan of Tim Schafers work I was eagerly awaiting this game for a long time, and to say it's a huge disappointment is an understatement. That's not to say it's a bad game, it's just not at all what was advertised. The demo gave us a brief glimpse of some fun hack n' slash combat, witty humour and a great set-up. When you play the full game though, you'll see that the scene in the demo is about the best part of the game and it all goes downhill fast from there.

What I, and most other people, was expecting was a funny, well written story capped off with classic beat 'em up gameplay and racing sequences. What the game delivers is melodrama, an infuriatingly hard to understand story (half the fucking thing is told is secret videos that, if you don't find before you finish the game, really fuck the story up) and the worst part...

Real Time Strategy...

That's right, nowhere in the previews, or demo, do I recall seeing anything relating to real time strategy, yet it takes up the bulk of the games set pieces. I hate RTS at the best of times, but it feels so out of place here, and is so poorly implemented and frustratingly hard to control that I was dreading progressing any further into the game. You know you've fucked up when your game makes people want to STOP playing instead of trying to get to the finish.

Where the game succeeds is in it's obvious devotion to all things Metal. From the casting of metal gods such as Halford, Osbourne and Kilmister, to the terrific looking landscape strewn with metal artifacts, the game has style to spare. It's is a visual treat, and the MASSIVE soundtrack of classic metal tunes practically makes love to your ears, provided you're into this sort of thing. If not, you're just not this games intended audience. All of the voicework is spot on, and when the humour is there, the dialogue is fantastic. It's just a pity that, at the halfway point, everything becomes melodramatic and loses the edge it had, becoming a boring drama that only helps to shift your focus to the terrible gameplay.

The game does do allot right, and is a fitting tribute to the world of Heavy Metal, but the fact of the matter is, it's a game, and the gameplay is where it fails. The hack and slash sections are fun for a while but get old fast, and the side quest only serve to show how repetitive the gameplay is. The RTS sections that take up the bulk of the gameplay are an utter failure and almost completely kill the game, I didn't even want to finish it at one point but I pushed through. Now that the game is over, there is nothing making me want to go back, which is such a shame.

The intentions were good, but the game just went in the wrong direction, and instead of surprising me, simply frustrated me. I can only hope Tim Schafer learns from his mistakes and has better luck next time.

6/10

Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2

This is it, this is the big one, the game that made all other developers shake in their boots and push their release dates back months just to get clear of the money sucking monster that is Call of Duty. I've been following the Call of Duty series since it began, smashing through world war 2 multiple times in the single player campaigns, and sacrificing weeks of my life with the multiplayer component. Suffice to say, the series has become on of my favourites and when Moden Warfare was announced I was sceptical. The fact that it turned out to not only be good, but also the best Call of Duty game to date was astonishing, and the multiplayer mode became a phenomenon, knocking Halo 3 of its perch, and becoming an unstoppable force online.

So you can see why I was so excited about Modern Warfare 2. Infinity Ward, the guys behind the best games in the series (1, 2 and 4) were back after the series momentarily went back to WW2, and the whole world was excited. It was set to be bigger, louder, and more explosive than all of the previous games combined, and the fact that it delivered on that promise should have made it a real winner. But sometimes bigger isn't always better...

Let me be the outcast in the gaming community and say it loud, the single player campaign fucking sucks balls. It's criminally short (just under 6 hours), laughably easy, impossible to follow and crams so many twists in that you get the feeling it's trying too damn hard to impress, and top everything Modern Warfare 1 did. In the first game, it was a true shock to find that halfway through the game, the character you had been playing as was killed in a Nuclear explosion (the focus then shifts to another character).

This time around, you can expect similar twists every 5 minutes, to the point where you don't even know who you're playing as, where in the world you are, or what the fuck you're supposed to be doing. None of the twists are explained in a coherent way, and by the end of the game I had given up all hope of ever understanding what the fuck was going on. It all comes together in a climax that is almost IDENTICAL to that of the first game, taking away all tension because you know what is going to happen. Aside from the welcome return of one character, there is no emotional investment in the proceedings, and this was fine during WW2 when we all knew what was going to happen, but with a fresh, fictional story, we need a better anchor.

That's not to say it's all bad, the gameplay is exactly the same style of arcadey shooter we've come to know and love. But the fact that you can get the same experience with a better story in the first modern warfare kinda makes it a moot point. Where the gameplay does come into its own in a big way of course, is the multiplayer. If you buy this game only for the multiplayer mode and never even touch single player, you wont be disappointed. Everything from the previous games is here, and better. Allot of element have been better balanced and everything just feels tighter.

Starting with the new co-op mode, this is what the the single player campaign should have been like. This is where the fun is at, teaming up with a mate from a series of simple missions with clear objectives, and some incredibly difficult AI standing between you and your goal. You will play the same missions 100 times just to pass them, but you'll WANT to do so, because half the fun is trying, failing, and learning from your mistakes. You have to be allot more tactical here, not just blasting your way through waves of enemies (except one or two missions) waiting for the next idiotic twist to rear its ugly head. This is a bonding exercise, you will have to work as a team or you'll never get through alive, and you will start thinking up tactics and trying to implement them.

Now the meat of the game, the part where you will spend countless hours of you life glued to your controller, pushing your way to the next level and telling yourself, just another 10 minutes, before you realise it's 4am and you should have been in bed hours ago. Like all the other Call of Duty games, this is the most fun you can have with an online shooter, nothing else even comes close. The kills are satisfying, the deaths are frustrating and will compel you to get revenge, and the levelling system is like crack cocaine. Only legal.

It's just a shame that for all its improvements, there are some MAJOR fuck ups that only serve to anger players and make you wonder why they're in the game. Putting aside the MASSIVE amount of bugs the game was released with, the actual core gameplay has some issues that really ruin the fun. The new killstreaks list is way too long, and includes far too many airborne foes. In any one game you could find yourself running for cover from a sky littered with 10 planes and helicopters just ruining everyone's fun. This is a groundwar game, it was fine in Modern Warfare 1 when you could only have a Chopper, but now you can pollute the sky with so much shit that it just becomes a game of hide and seek, with everyone running for cover instead of fighting, while the computer controlled planes pick them off.

I get that this is a perk rewarded to really good players, but if they were so good, then why do they need the extra advantage? On top of all this, is the fucking tactical nuke. This killstreak "reward" ends the game as soon as it is launched, declaring the launcher/launching team the winner. This is okay in free for all, or team deathmatch, and kinda cool sometimes. But when you're playing capture the flag, domination, HQ or any other objective based game, it's just unfair that everyone is working their arses off to complete the set task, while some fuckwit sits in the corner ignoring the job at hand, picking off people until he gets a nuke and wins the game. This is unfair, one team could be on 0 points, and the other could be one point away from winning, but if the losing team launches a nuke, game over. They didn't have to get the flag, or capture the HQ, if they get the kills, they win. So what, then, is the FUCKING POINT of having an objective at all?

There are many other game ruining perks I could list but I'd be here forever. Let me just say that all these frustrations aside, the game is still addictive and fun online. You could be screaming at the TV, but you will still keep playing until the sun rises.

All in all, Modern Warfare 2 is a great multiplayer experience, with a few annoyances thrown in. If you buy it for the single player, you're fucked. The story mode is confusing, loud and obnoxious. Since I'm judging the game as a total package, the single player mode should be just as important as the multiplayer and the fact that it was treating so poorly just shows bad judgement in Infinity Wards behalf. Buy it for the multiplayer, just don't expect anything earth shattering. It's a formula that was already great, only made better by technological advancements and learning from past mistakes, they just forgot to hire a competent team of writers.

8/10 (4/10 if you only buy it for single player)

Movie Reviews - January 2010

2010-01-14T01:39:00.000-08:00

Avatar - This is the big one, the film James Cameron fans have been waiting for since the last millennium, and boy was it worth the wait. The story may be very familiar and simple (guy infiltrates friendly forest people, falls in loves and switches sides to fight against his own kind) but Cameron knows how to turn it into something amazing and fresh. The storyline is compelling, even though you're never really left wondering what will happen next, mainly due to the characters and actors. Sam Worthington shines as the soldier with not much going for him until he finds a new purpose, and Sigourney Weaver and Stephen Lang work well as the grumpy scientist and scenery chewing villain respectively.

The real star of the show though is Pandora, the entirely CG planet these blue fella's inhabit. Combined with the wonderful 3D work (this isn't you're typical poke-shit-at-the-screen 3d, it's all about immersion) Pandora is unlike anything I've ever seen on the big screen and raises the bar a considerable amount. Cameron has created a work of art here, light on story but strong on character, style and amazing action set pieces. Sit back and enjoy the ride, it's one you wont soon forget.

9/10

Moon - At the other end of the sci-fi spectrum we have this little indie piece starring Sam Rockwell as a lone engineer posted on a station on the moon where precious resources are being collected for the Earths survival. Don't expect any action or groundbreaking special effects from this one, this is all about what it means to be human, and the effects of isolation on the mind. Rockwell literally steals the show (besides Kevin Spacey as the films caring computer, there are almost no other actors present) and proves that he can hold his own in a terrific dramatic role that runs the whole gamut of emotions. What Rockwell's character is put through in this film will take him from being a fresh faced newbie to a man on the brink of insanity (but not the typical crazy eyes insane).

I wont spoil the great twists the movie has in store but I will say this, for the first full length effort from director Duncan Jones (son of David Bowie) this is an amazing piece of work. Great atmosphere, terrific acting and also amazing special effects for a movie with a budget that wouldn't even pay for catering on any other movie. I can't recommend this movie enough, if you like your sci fi to make you think and not bombard you with flashy space battles, then this is the movie for you.

10/10

Sherlock Holmes - Guy Ritchie is now officially the most boring director alive. After turning off his last effort 20 minutes in due to sheer, mind numbing boredom, I'd assumed it was just a massive mistake, and one that he wouldn't make again.

I was wrong.

Sherlock Holmes takes the classic literary detective and adapts him for the ADD generation, meaning that when he's not searching for clues, he's boxing, blowing stuff up or jumping out of buildings. Yes, you may think it's cool and Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law almost pull it off, but their combined acting skills are not enough to save this sinking ship. After the initial shock of seeing Holmes using his detective skills to render a man unconscious, it all becomes frustratingly slow and boring. The action scenes are intermittent and almost always seem entirely out of place.

Donwey Jr. and Law have some chemistry but Ritchie seems more interested in... fuck I don't even know what he's interested in, because no two scenes seem to fit together. It all becomes a jumbled mess of uninspired action and dull detective scenes with a little cringe worthy comedy thrown in. Even the villain and love interest are utterly forgettable and have now spark whatsoever. Aside from the two leads, almost everyone else in the film is grossly miscast or just seems uninterested.

If you're a massive Robert Downey Jr. fan you may find some enjoyment here, but aside from the small amount of charm he brings to the picture, there's nothing else to recommend. Forget about this one and read a book instead.

3/10

Zombieland - I've heard allot of people say that this is America's Shaun of the dead, and if so, they have allot to learn. Not only is this horror comedy light on laughs, it's light on horror, hell it's light on zombies. Instead, it chooses to use zombies as a backdrop for a sort of road trip movie, focusing on the characters. The problem is, none of the characters are very interesting. When the movie does find an interesting idea, it's almost always dropped very quickly in favour of overlong, and frustratingly boring scenes. For the most part the film is serviceable, it's just entertaining enough to keep you interested but never takes the chances it should and become the cult classic it was clearly aiming to be.

The story is the same as every other zombie film, outbreak hits, and a handful of misfits cross the country to find a safe haven. In this case though, the characters seem to have other, strange agendas, and spend more time faffing about than making progress. Every so often a funny idea is presented, such as having fun with killing zombies, the lead characters list of rules for survival, and Bill Murray's cameo, but they are forgotten so quickly it's frankly annoying. The film had so much potential to be a hilarious cult classic but it makes so many mistakes it's aggravating.

For the most part the actors are fine, Woody Harrelson is charming as the twinkie obsessed, gun toting maniac, Abigail Breslin is adorable as usual, but with a sneaky side. It's the two leads though, Jesse Eisenberg (channeling Micheal Cera) and Emma stone who let the show down as incredibly boring heroes whose dullness was obviously meant to be clever, but just comes off as, well, dull.

If you're looking for a little bit of fun with your zombie movie, you could do worse, but you could also do allot better. Worth a look, but don't expect too many laughs or decent zombie kills.

5/10

And for the fuck of it, I rewatched:

District 9 - Still a masterpiece, one of the best films of 2009.

9/10

Event Horizon - Corny as hell but still scares the crap out of me.

8/10

Wall-E - One of Pixars finest films, nuff said.

10/10

You Piss Me Off - Part 1

2010-01-07T21:41:00.000-08:00

If you are the person who does this kinda shit then you piss me right the fuck off.

Tippy Toe on and off the escalator - It's not going to fucking eat you, why do you have to be so cautious stepping on and off a VERY slow moving staircase? Everyone else copes just fine, but you, you have to put a foot out like you're checking the temperature of the water, dangle it there for 10 seconds before deciding it's safe to get on. Even worse, when you get to the end, you pull the same shit, but now there are people behind you who CAN'T stop moving while you dangle your leg out trying to find safe footing. It's not hard, just fucking step off you CUNT!

Make me feel awkward in the toilet - I'm sitting in the toilet at work, or at the mall and YOU come in, enter the cubicle next to me and proceed to sit there IN COMPLETE SILENCE! I wait, there are no sounds of effort or force, you're not doing a thing, just sitting there, probably hoping I'll leave so you can shit in peace. Guess what, it's a public toilet, everyone knows what shitting sounds like, just GO! All you're doing is making me feel awkward, then i can't shit! Who shits first!? ARRGGGHHH IT'S GOING BACK IN!!!!

Treat the sidewalk like it's a fucking playground - It's not the place for fucking about, just go where you've gotta go and don't fuck around, holding everyone up in the process. Think of it as a road, you walk on one side, going your way, others use the other side, going the other way. It's so simple, SO WHY DON'T YOU GET IT!? You'd rather link arms with your gal pals and take up the whole fucking width of the footpath, walking as slow as possible so people are forced to walk on the road just to get past! Maybe you'd like to just wander all over the fucking place, wavering from side to side unaware of the people who are trying to get past, but must slow down from fear of being slammed into by your confused fat ARSE! Or perhaps you wanna just stop all of a sudden in the middle of the foot path to have a conversation with your friend, again forcing everyone to walk on the road to get past. If you find a mate in the street and simply MUST stop to talk about your periods or whatever, MOVE TO ONE FUCKING SIDE!!!

Added note - Fuck you smokers, you simply have to walk in front of me all the time, at the slowest speed so I can't escape torrents of rancid smoke being blown in my face. Walk to one side and have some fucking consideration for people who DON'T want your rank clouds of shit blown up their noses.

A Decade in Review - Cinemas Most Significant People

2010-01-02T20:40:00.000-08:00

1. Peter Jackson - For taking one of the greatest challenges in book-to-film history and succeeding on a monumental scale.

2. George Lucas - For single handedly destroying his own vision and forever tainting the most beloved sci-fi series ever made.

3. Pixar - For consitant quality of storytelling and bettering themselves with every film.

4. Robert Downey Jr. - For kicking the habit and making everyone forget he even had one in the first place, the number of films made better simply by his being onscreen is phenomenal.

5. Uwe Boll - For giving the internet something to direct thier nerd rage towards after ruining every video game he put to screen.

6. Clint Eastwood - For proving that a crusty old man with a gravelly voice can still be feared, and can also direct just as well as he can act.